Just found out my school bully is dead

[EmbarrassedUser]

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

@BlackberryGin

💐💐 to you, too.
How awful for you.... I share your feelings, I don’t think we should “feel sorry for / try and understand” our tormenters... so many people suffer this way and lives are lost because of bullying all the time.
Balls to bullies I say!!
Hope you are in a better place now. None of us ever forget what happens, do we? X

We all know how powerful peer pressure can be, how mad developing hormonal brains can be, how self absorbed teenagers can be. It is no wonder that people sometimes do horribly cruel things in the midst of all that- especially if they are insecure or unhappy themselves

Nah sorry, I dont buy that. Yes, of course we all make mistakes but I had an awful childhood and I never, ever targeted people to bully and make their lives a misery and a living hell for months (or even years) on end. Thats not a "mistake"- thats a deliberate attempt to ruin someone's life. Bullying someone to the point they commit suicide and then trolling the parents of the kid who died on social media isnt a "mistake" FFS (this has happened alot after a kid has killed themselves due to bullying), thats a serious personality disorder.

Its freaking me out a bit just how many bullies on this thread ended up dead or with horrific consequences . Almost as if karma is real

I was bullied mercilessly every day by one girl and her sycophants after I returned to school following a car crash which left me facially disfigured. Fast forward and I qualify as a Nurse. Go to work to be told that I am working with an Agency Nurse... you guessed it. There she was the bully. She asked me where she knew me from?? With great 'pleasure' I asked her how she could forget the girl she had bullied for 4 years!!!? The colour drained from her face!! I then told my boss I couldn't work with her. She apologised with a few tears and told me her own daughter was being bullied dreadfully at school and she was powerless to stop it. I replied "karma" and walked away. The Agency was requested not to send her to our ward in future!

@Kaathesnake
Thank you and a hug to you too.
I have to admit that reading this thread has taken me back to a very dark place and I cracked when I read your kind post.
I was bullied at school and was never in the 'In Crowd' but it was insignificant when compared to what the bastards put me through at work. On his last day, one lovely temp was even going to make a complaint about one of the managers and the very special way he treated me (the bullies were always men in my case). The temp had found my work and attitude exceptionally good and was really disgusted at the vile treatment I was subjected to every day, but felt unable to do so as the manager was very generous to him on his last day. I sat and cried when he told me that.
I used to wake up in tears, night after night as it was so relentless. Eventually I was able to find another job and leave, but only after having experienced yet another vile bullying manager. Local Government is awash with them.
I always thought that I was a wimp and in many ways that's true. However, when discussing the situation with some colleagues one day they said that I was actually a whole lot stronger than they were as there was no way that they would have been able to last remotely as long as I did without going off sick.

Thanks again though, you made me feel less stupid about it all. x

I had a bully who luckily I moved away from. I knew she was involved in drugs, and a couple years later she died of an overdose, possibly suicide.

Turned out she'd previously been bullied for certain things which made her hypersensitive to certain things about me, but at the time (I was 16) I didn't care about that, I was just hugely relived I'd never have to see her again and it helped me get over my experiences.

Recently my parents found some photos of that school year that she's in, and all I can think is 'she was so young'.

The age my eldest is now.

I don't care about her, but I worry about my kids and their classmates becoming at all like her.

I was relentlessly bullied at school, I wouldn’t piss on any of them if they were on fire. I saw one them at the GP’s surgery a while back, she was obese & clearly struggling with her health, she was discussing it in full earshot of the waiting room with one of the Receptionists. She saw me & looked shocked & wary; I took great delight in that but pretended I didn’t know her.

One of my bullies died very suddenly from an undiagnosed illness in our early 20s. I felt very sad for her family, who were going through a rough time already, but that was the beginning and end of it.

I actually live across the road from one of the school bullies. While she never got a rise out of me, she certainly targetted a couple of friends, and I have no time for her now apart frpom superficial hellos, etc.

We live in terraced houses, and my front window is only about a metre from the pavement. She deliberately tries to look in when she can, so I got some pretty voile curtains that block her looking in. It's definitely deliberate, due to the layout of the street, as walking past my house wouldn't be a normal route to take.

She's not had a good life, so if she died, I'm sure I'd be sad but not upset.

Also, when DD was in Yr 5, she was being bullied by a classmate. I went to the teacher, had a good conversation, and the teacher actually took effective action. Teacher did tell me the child in question was not having the best homelife, although I had no details (didn't want any, although I was sad the little girl was troubled enough to be taking it out on classmates). DD got on better after the teacher stepped in, and it looks like there was no lasting damage.

My sisters best friend married a bloke who tried to rape me, he came close to succeeding but my Dad turned up. He got leukaemia and died aged 34, and turned into a saint in everyone's eyes but he was always a bastard from my point of view.

"Please dont make excuses for bullies. There is never an excuse."

Thoroughly agree with the above comment. My kids' primary school worked hard to ensure that bullying was dealt with. They even had an expert on the subject come in and do workshops with the interested parents. I attended one and it was a real eye-opener. The main message was that bullying is learned behaviour and that everyone who has bullied, has at some point been bullied themselves. As a former victim, I know that not everyone has to go on to become a bully themselves. The workshop was helpful in that when my oldest appeared to be becoming a target, I was able to chat to them to explain what the other kid was doing and why and teach them how to cope / put a stop to it by not behaving in the way the other kid was trying to get them to. The other kid soon gave up as their behaviour wasn't getting the reaction they wanted or working in any way. My child went on to have a happy time at school. As for my former bullies, I've never bothered to see what became of them as I grew up not caring. Still don't. I've have never allowed anyone to bully me in the workplace and have shocked a few by either laughing at them or going straight to HR to ask if this soft of thing is "normal"....

Good luck to you OP, you seem a really nice person.

@BlackberryGin
Aaww I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry..🌹
I think we should read and reflect on @Carpedimums post. “I wouldn’t piss on any of them if they were on fire” and keep this as our mantra!😁
I certainly feel like this and my bullying misery started as soon as I went to Secondary school in the mid 70s.. still alive in my mind today.
Anyone who has sympathy for this horrific action cannot have suffered as we have all done. Wishing you well, BlackBerry x

My school bully started out as a good friend of mine, or so I thought, but looking back when I was between 8 - 10 she got these 2 other girls to do the bullying, then at comp as he dad was best friends with my dad we went on holiday for 2 weeks, her dad, me and my family and as soon as we came back that was it, she tried to steal my BF, trip me up in school corridors, sent me messages so bad my mum and dad threatened to go to the police, still live in same village and when I see her I still have that initial feeling of fear like I did when I was young, but then I just think fuck you, you was the one who had something to prove, so if you are reading this, it could be pretty outing, so just want to say you don't scare me anymore, and without your family wealth you'd be the same as everyone else. I'd only go to the funeral if I had to for her dad as I still love him to bits....unlikebhis daughter.

Jesus that's bitter isn't it 😂getting it all out of my system 😂

There were 3 girls who picked on me from about 11-14 years old. I was very vulnerable/weak and generally not liked for a number of reasons so was an easy target. All 3 seemed to have issues of their own. One of them has turned out ok (reasonably successful and married with kids), one has fallen into the abyss - she’s not on social media etc and one died of anorexia when she was about 17. The one who died tried to befriend me a year or so before she died and we used to chat on the phone (by this stage I was at another school and I also had no idea she had anorexia). When she died I felt a bit sad but more than anything it put everything into context. She must have been suffering. She was obviously guilty about what she did hence the befriending, but at least she had a moral conscience. I wish I could feel more for her, but I struggle. It must be so sad for her parents. I hope she can RIP.

There does seem to be a theme with bullies: there is always an underlying issue which makes them act they way they do. It seems to end in tragedy often enough. It’s not an excuse for bullying though, which should be actively addressed by authority figures. The way schools turn a blind eye or are in denial about what happens on their premises is criminal.

I haven’t been bullied since I left school
decades ago, but I have seen/heard of adults who do bully and I find them selfish and repulsive. I wonder how many of them are even aware of what they are doing? Their behaviour must be so ingrained. I’m sure much of it lies with deep insecurities but it’s a shame they can’t address the real problems and decide to pick on others instead. I find people who tend to ‘go along with the bully’ because they are too scared to stand up to them/value their friendship a lot so utterly weak.

@Legwarmers, that’s awful what you went through with your foster family. I’m not sure where you are in the country but this organisation in my region is fantastic and should be able to point you in the right direction if you are in another area of the country 💐
www.sarsas.org.uk/

I went through a really rocky patch when I was about 13. Id been bullied by my Dad (although he saw it as 'just a bit of fun'). Coincidentally he's also dead now. I was also being bullied by a girl at an afted school club I was made to go to by my parents. Ive no idea what happened to her and I couldnt care less. I was a pretty nasty person around that time of my life, I wouldnt say I bullied anyone but I was horrible to most people. I kind of grew up a bit and realised what I was becomming. I do think its sad that bullies cant see what they're doing or what they're becomming, or maybe they dont care? I dont know.

The bullying had a profound effect on me, but interestingly so did becomming a nasty person. 15 years later and ive just started councilling for anxiety and low self esteem.

I wasn't bullied at school but out of school a girl was always threatening to batter me if I didn't stay away from her 'boyfriends'! I had no interest in any of the boys she liked, they used to ask me out. Eventually through another mutual pal we became friends, actually really close friends when we were late teens/early twenties. She admitted she was so jealous of me that she couldn't think straight and she had no control over the boys fancying me and not her. Felt so sorry for her and although we drifted apart as happens as you age, I still counted her as a friend. She died in her late 30s from cancer and I only remembered the good times. I was lucky to make friends with my bully but I still remember the fear she gave me.
Ironically, one of her 'boyfriends' stayed next to me in one of my first houses. He was a nightmare neighbour and I actually ended up having a nervous breakdown because of him when I was 27. I had suffered from depression from my teen years but was never diagnosed until then as it wasn't really spoken about 30 years ago. His behaviour changed the way I felt about people and I withdrew to a small circle of trusted friends/family which I have pretty much stuck to ever since. He died young in a car crash a few years after tormenting me and I could not feel one bit of sadness or sympathy. I wasn't glad he was dead but had a really strange feeling of karma for sure.

I wasn't bullied but there was a guy in my secondary school who was horrible. Once he spat in my face.
He was killed in a motorbike crash a few years ago.
I felt sad for his family but no sad feelings for him or about him at all.

There was a girl who was a nasty piece of work at primary school. Bullied anyone who didn’t wear certain clothes. Made trouble for anyone who wasn’t in her group of cronies. She lived round the corner from me and my mum always said the family were trouble. We went to different secondary schools but as a teenager she was extremely violent and was done for GBH multiple times. She became friends with like minded nasty Individuals who would all hang around and intimidate people. Myself and my friends would be worried walking home from school because they would be hanging around on the streets near my house. A couple of times she started a fight with both myself and my friend punching us in the face and ripping our hair out. Later in life she and her other vile cronies tried to glam themselves up (they were still rough as dog shit), got themselves some munter boyfriends. I realized later what a volatile childhood she must have had. Her older brother was arrested and charged with domestic violence related crimes including throwing his GF at the time down the stairs. Her father constantly came and went from the house, was an alcoholic and battered her mother on the regular. She’s never done well in life so there is some justice in the world.

I wouldn't give a shit if my bullies died horrific deaths at any age. I really wouldn't.

AmusedBush
That is horrific (as most of these stories sadly are) but yours stood out. Is there nothing your brother could do? Why on earth is he ok with having this awful woman as a guest at his wedding at all?
I don’t think it makes your family the bigger people, it just sends a message that all is forgiven. It’s not like the vile cow is even a close blood relative of his fiancée!
Unless there would be repercussions for yourself or your family (brother and fiancée included), you have to close ranks. You have to. This would be your Karma.
I know it’s nobodies place to dictate the guest list at anyone else’s wedding, so I’m not suggesting an ultimatum. I just can’t believe your brother is going to put you and your parents through it -and pay for the privilege of doing so!!!!

Its freaking me out a bit just how many bullies on this thread ended up dead or with horrific consequences shock. Almost as if karma is real

Just think about how many there are out there then, that haven't died. Bullying is far more prevalent than people think. There's always a tendency to try to believe that it doesn't happen in their child's school, because that's where only the good/clever/nice people go. A sort of cognitive dissonance.

Gosh I hope you tell your brother 🙁

I think it's very unsettling when anyone in your peer group dies. Forces you to confront your own mortality..

Am 46 and now know of 4 people in my old school year who have died. 1 suicide in teens, 1 died of cancer in early 20's. 1 died mid-twenties - undiagnosed heart condition. He went to bed and just never woke up. Another one died in early forties after having a lot of very troubled years.

It's a weird feeling.....

Just think about how many there are out there then, that haven't died

True. But of all the bullies I knew from school- all of them live shitty lives now and I dont think thats mere coincidence. As I said before, if you live your life in negativity, nastiness and thrive on bringing others down then what kind of hell must you be living inside your own head? Its not at all surprising that their outcomes are bad, I'd be more shocked if they were a success.

My School bully married my brother.

My old Head teacher died recently, I discovered. She mustve been 90.
I'd assumed she'd died years ago. Made me feel 8 years old again.
Not good. Others had better memories of her but I know what she did

Forgiveness is difficult without repentance.
Understanding, and Moving On - perhaps.