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Original poster

Just found out my school bully is dead

193 replies

EmbarrassedUser · 04/06/2020 15:45

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

OP posts:
DamnYankee · 04/06/2020 19:11

OP is definitely a better person than I am.
I wouldn't accept her apology even today.

SlightyJaded · 04/06/2020 19:11

I am not surprised you have mixed feelings.

Not the same at all, but my childhood best friend (from aged 4-12) turned into quite a bitter adult (like her mother). She ended up going to the police with some insane allegations about me two weeks before my wedding, when I hadn't seen her or spoken to her for twenty years. It was out of the blue and preposterous but awful, I was interviewed by the police as was my whole family, I had to get a solicitor and it was stressful beyond belief. At the same time, her family began spreading the lies of what they had alleged.

The lead up to my wedding was a nightmare though in the end the whole thing was dropped and a very kind Police Officer who came to my house to tell me, was quite candid and said that they were 'delighted to tell me that there would be no action' and implied that they had known it was almost certainly rubbish but they had to explore etc... Apparently she had done it before to someone else - she was jealous and spiteful basically...

Anyway about five years later - aged around 35 - she took her own life.

Awful and I am so sad for the little girl that was my best friend, but there is a part of me that will always remember that she was ready to destroy my life simply because she didn't want me to be happy for some reason. And then, like you, I feel conflicted.

Ohdeariedear · 04/06/2020 19:12

You’re a bigger person than I am. I was bullied at work (along with many others, all by the same person) and I would literally dance a merry jig if I heard she was dead. I justify this by saying she was a 40yr old woman, so old enough to understand exactly what she was doing and the impact she was having.

Cismyfatarse1 · 04/06/2020 19:13

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MingeofDeath · 04/06/2020 19:17

@ Handsoffisback

Love it. If I heard that the cunt who made my secondary school life hell, I would dance on her grave.

rach2713 · 04/06/2020 19:26

My school bully died when we was still in school. They was in 1 day and then off and by the end of the week we was told they had died of meningitis. I felt sad as they was so young but my bullying had stopped because the little group had lost the leader so to speak and I wasn't bullied again...

Lordamighty · 04/06/2020 19:27

When I was in junior school a teacher hated me for some reason. I was well behaved, in top sets for all subjects, had lots of friends but this woman had it in for me. She died suddenly when I was about 2 years out of her class, I was not sorry to hear the news, she was my enemy & I knew it.

sawollya · 04/06/2020 19:27

Similar thing happened to me. She tried to bully me and I laughed in her face and luckily she left me alone apart from the odd insult. But when she died last year, everybody was saying what a beautiful soul she was.

She was lovely to most people. She reserved the venom for a few people only. Weird.

I know that ''hurt people hurt people'' and I was lucky that I saw that there was something off about her. I never tried to like her. I just thought 'what the hell' and tried to ignore her when possible.

But she committed suicide so obviously she was not in a good place and it didn't get better. So sad.

self-esteem and trauma responses and the way people act out according to their inadequacies should be taught in school.
I mean if you're sitting in a class learning for example that emotionally immature people who cannot process their emotions will use the abuse of power to make others feel bad, and how that temporarily makes them feel good because they have no internal source of feeling good, then perhaps the bullies would think that they weren't showing strength but weakness when they set out to bully.

Starcup · 04/06/2020 19:29

You’re a bigger person than me OP I have to say.

I can’t say I’d care if someone that bullied me died young. I wasn’t even bullied!

I can’t stand bullies. I’m sorry but I don’t care what their situation is, to make someone’s life a living hell just ‘because you can’, is horrific.

I would be sad for their children.

sawollya · 04/06/2020 19:30

@lordamighty, same here, i had an art teacher who was a BITCH to me, and nice to the rest of the class. For NO reason. Even other people in the class were looking confused ''whaaaat's going on heeeere?''. Nobody said anything. She committed suicide a while after I left school. Now that I was not sorry about. No matter how miserable she was, she had a professional duty towards her students. The girl in my class, well, she was 12-17 when she was a bitch to me. Bit different from a woman in her late 30s being a fucking cow to a teenager who was clearly not particularly popular.

sawollya · 04/06/2020 19:33

@SlightyJaded wow, quite intentional to do that 2 weeks before your wedding. Shock

PollyPelargonium52 · 04/06/2020 19:34

How strange that so many instances of bullies have had an untimely death. Karmic justice.

gypsywater · 04/06/2020 19:36

That Lockerbie one Shock

Serin · 04/06/2020 19:38

Primary school bully died of anorexia at 23. She was an only child with one hell of an overbearing mother and I felt sorry for her.
Secondary school bully was a complete bastard who taunted me daily about my looks, calling me an ugly dog etc etc. At times it got physical and he even thumped me a few times.
Anyway a few years on, in a posh nightclub he came over to me (I'd outgrown the braces and glasses and tamed the curls by then), he was quite a well known rugby player by then and was trying to chat me up in front of his mates.
I told him and them what a horrible bastard he had been to me at school and how if he was on fire I wouldnt spare a drink to throw over him. To his credit he did appear stunned and tried to apologise.
I've seen that he has worked with mental health charities and anti bullying initiatives recently so maybe he has improved.

sawollya · 04/06/2020 19:42

I feel more anger at women who've intentionally excluded me from a group as adults. They didn't call me a bitch or aggressively confront me or threaten me physically (like the girl in my class who died) but that girl who died was a teenager. The woman who although much younger than I am set out to intentionally exclude me by manipulating the social dynamics around us. HER;, I find it hard not to wish bad bad bad fates upon her.

Wife2b · 04/06/2020 19:43

The opposite for me. When I was training for my career, a woman in the placement made my life hell everyday, she’d treat all students derogatory, made snide remarks etc. We’d often cry together on break cos the permanent team would back her up. I found out this year that she died and I feel cruel for thinking it, but my initial response was that I don’t really care. It’s so out of character for me as I’m such a softie so I was surprised that I felt nothing, just meh. I’ve felt more sad for strangers in the news.

pandar · 04/06/2020 19:44

Shows what an absolutely amazing human being you really are that!!!

GabsAlot · 04/06/2020 19:50

@PicklePig31

I had this happen to me. The girl was drink driving and hit a car carrying other passengers. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it either. In hindsight as an adult, I think she had so many issues stemming from a broken childhood (rich only in money) and I think that’s why she was bloody awful to me and others.

I felt incredible guilt even now thinking of her that way. But grieving comes in different form. Just a very weird situation OP. Flowers

wow i wouldnt feel sorry for anyone drink driving i dont care what problems she had

op youre a better person than me-yes its sad but sometimes things happen for a reason

Snoopey · 04/06/2020 19:51

@rach2713 this sounds the same as what happened to a bully when I was at school - was this back in 1988? 1st year of secondary school ?

Cyw2018 · 04/06/2020 20:17

I recently found out that my violent childhood bully is now an author writing books to support young women who have been raped, having been raped herself at some point (she was bullying me way before this happened).

I found my emotions, on discovering this, very mixed. I struggled to feel sympathy or to believe that she could ever change enough to make a positive role model for anyone, and I'm ashamed to say the thought of her experiencing fear was briefly satisfying (my lasting memory of her is of her pinning me down by the throat).

It's all very strange think about 25 years down the line.

CherrySpritz · 04/06/2020 20:21

It’s a strange feeling when something like this happens isn’t it? I found out a few months ago that my abusive ex-husband had died. I didn’t feel any sorrow. I just thought of the miserable years he caused me and felt satisfaction that I’d outlived him. He was 65 so still reasonably young to die and by all accounts the illness leading up to his death was pretty unpleasant. I felt in some way he’d got his just desserts.

isabellerossignol · 04/06/2020 20:21

You're a more generous person than me. If something happened to my workplace bully I'd feel relief, nothing else. It's 15 years ago and I still physically shake and struggle to breathe if I see her.

Liddell · 04/06/2020 20:23

I found out the person who bullied me in primary and secondary school developed MS and died.

She had to be looked after for years by her sister.

I felt quite stunned when I heard, it did bring back horrible memories I had tried to forget.

rach2713 · 04/06/2020 20:24

@Snoopey no it was about 1999 2000 and it was secondary school. It has stuck for a long time..

BeltaneBride · 04/06/2020 21:01

OP, you are an exceptional person.
I have a RL friend like you (maybe you are get 😀) and I know I am a smaller person because the person who made my DS ill and diminished him, probably permanently, I would happily see dead.

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