Just found out my school bully is dead

[EmbarrassedUser]

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

I don't think it's 'wrong' to feel a degree of happiness at the death of someone who has behaved badly towards us.

It's like hating the baddie in a film and cheering when they get their come-uppance - like it's a proof that the universe really knows what it's doing, and karma is real.

Feeling a degree of grief at their death is probably the sign that you have outgrown the bad that was done to you.

Sending all good thoughts to those of you who are still suffering the effects of childhood (or older) bullying.

It"s quite striking how many people have posted on this thread with the same experience. I guess bullies dont tend to have very good life outcomes, which I suppose is not entirely surprising.

Thank you for posting this OP and to everyone who has posted.

@monkeyonthetable i hear you though.
Not pc. But effective i bet.

I am so sorry that you’ve experienced this sadness about somebody who made you feel so retched when younger .... life does move on of course it does, you are only human as we all are

I’ve had a very sad experience myself ... old school friend ( has recently 2017 reunited with a male school friend ) who was bitching about me on fb ... accidentally caught them at it ..... I pulled away and just checked in now again ... found out she had passed away 😢 .. I was so upset ... she had two beautiful daughters and a son and they won’t ever have her their if she marries or has children ... both my eldest sons are now married since and I feel so blessed ... she had cancer too ... I wish we could have had a chat when it all began but I was too shocked at the betrayal ... I am getting choked now ... I’ve had family worries before and since and my blessings I have to count everyday

Sorry my typos might have confused my post ....
basically this lady who died was an old school friend we all met up again on fb and the other friend was male ... known them since I was 5 years old ... lost contact from 9 years old and met again aged about 54 and she was a little older ...
everyday is a bonus and a blessing ...having most my older sister too when she was 54 I know that for sure 😖

I have zero sympathy for bullies

Karma, that’s all

It's sad she died from cancer so young but that is a separate issue to you being bullied by her. Can't stand bullies and the older I've got my tolerance level for them has gone down. Adults in some work places can be terrible bullies even worse than some teenagers. Bullies only stop when they get a taste of their own medicine in my experience.. I hope you are happy in your life now and don't take any sh1t from anyone anymore!

When I was in year 7 the boy that bullied me died in a tragic accident. I cried about it, it’s a big shock for one thing. I did go to the funeral. And it’s such a shame for people to die in general but especially young. You have every right to be upset xx

Somebody who bullied me died a few years ago. Lots of people said how sad they were, great loss, etc. These were people she hadn’t bullied. I felt nothing and I couldn’t bring myself to join in with the eulogies. She behaved like a bitch, I avoided her. That was it.

A boy who was at secondary school with DH and was horrible to him was murdered. Actually it was the day before our first child was born. It was certainly surreal to see it in the newspaper and sad for his family but dh never shed a tear.

My daughter was bullied relentlessly for years by a horrible person. This led to my daughter having severe mental health issues. Wish it was this person and not the person you are talking about. Can never forgive her.

@thea Quite. The number of patients I see with the most terrible mental health problems as a consequence of bullying. I think there should be criminal charges brought in many instances tbh.

My ex-boyfriend who was emotionally abusive and controlling in our relationship and bombarded me with messages to kill myself when I split with him died in a car accident. I didn't shed a tear.

I think you're much nicer than I am.

I've never been in that situation but I know myself well enough to know that whilst I wouldn't be happy about it, I would definitely have trouble locating my sympathetic self.

Relief is what I think I would feel. Absolute relief that that person would never be able to hurt me or anyone else ever again.

When you are traumatised in that way as a child, that fear never leaves you, it sits just below the surface.

Used to work for a place where my team leader just bullied me relentlessly. My dad was really ill to the point where he was given 24 hours to live, this guy at the time didn't give a flying one and when l returned to work (dad pulled through on that occasion),mentioned he didn't even ask how my dad was, he said why on earth would l care,l don't know him. Roll on a few years , (my dad had died by this point), and his name came up on facebook,he requested me so l accepted to be nosey and lo and behold he put a long post on there saying how his dad had died. It was all l could do not to say why would l care, don't know the bloke. Fucking arsehole bully. So not quite the same thing OP but l am not as forgiving as you my first thought was good, now he knows how it feels. Deleted him off fb and never looked back. Sad for his dad obviously but people like that can bring out the worst in me l am afraid. He made my life an absolute misery for ages.

This happened to me, many years ago, around 40/42 years in fact! The ring leader of the gang of bullying girls (year above at school) died of cancer in her late teens. I can only say I felt relief and probably what I know now as ‘karma?‘

I lost my Mother when I was aged 9 and this was the main feature of their bullying and comments..My early years of secondary school were a living hell, thanks to these girls.
Bizarrely, when one of her ‘gang’ lost her Father in around 2012, she was wheedling and whining all over FB about her loss... I was soooo tempted to ask her how the hell she thought I felt, losing my Mother when I was a little girl of 9 years old.
I’m not sorry about any of my feelings regarding these girls... well... about as sorry as they were, making my life a misery all those years ago. You never forget things like that.

My school bully also died years after we left school. Brain haemorrhage I think. I wasn’t sad when I heard about it. He made my life a living hell for years. What goes around comes around.

Whenever DD has had grief from kids at school I’ve always told her that they usually do it because there’s something bad going on in their heads or at home. From the stories here, some bullies are dealing with the worst imaginable home lives. It doesn’t make it better or easier for the bullied child to deal with.

I was very shy and non-assertive throughout my childhood and teenage years - a magnet for bullies! Once I was at art college there was an arrogant, rich MF who seemed to take great pleasure in putting me down or making me feel small in front of everyone else. He knew I’d never answer back.

Karma? It’s a nice idea in principle, although I wouldn’t wish death on anyone. He went on to have a very successful career and marry a child of ‘rock royalty.’ I doubt he’s ever examined his conscience.

Further to my previous post... when one of the gangs DP dumped her for a much younger lovelier Polish girl, I laughed out loud!🤣
Unlucky...

Two girls I know of died young who were absolute bullies to others. One of complications from alcoholism at 38 (she had 3 children and a grandchild) and one from cancer at 29.

It makes you think if they had absolute shite upbringings that influenced the lives they went on to have? A friend of mine said about the second that all the bile and viciousness turned into the cancer that killed her.

Strange how many bullies die young.

You're a better person than me OP. One of my bullies died ages ago but I was glad. So glad they'd never subject another person to what they had done to me.

About 8 years after I left school, I found out my bully had got meningitis and lost all his fingers and toes as a result. I didn’t feel pleased but didn’t feel sorry for him either. What I did notice was that all the hatred and anger I felt towards him for all those years after, literally vanished in a second. It was like I felt karma had done her job and I was at peace.

I must be a really bad person but no longer care.
After having been bullied in a number of jobs when working for the Local Authority and at one stage being pushed to the point of considering an overdose, I can truthfully say that I wish as many bad events as possible on those bullies. I would not for a millisecond feel sad for them. Each one of them was an adult and had a choice on every occasion as to whether or not they made my life hell.

One former and relentlessly loathsome manager even related a story to me about where he'd worked previously in a well-known supermarket chain. He said that a woman had handed in her notice as she was so intimidated by him constantly. He was very obviously more than satisfied about that.

So many of my colleagues told me that they agreed that I was being victimised viciously and one Assistant Director even confided in me that if 'C' the Bastard Manager had been his boss, he'd 'have lamped him years ago'. I always respected the AD for that confidence.
I'd still dance and spit on his grave if C The Bastard died. Unfortunately, I don't believe in Karma. Bullies can make your life a living hell and the effects can last a lifetime.
to all on here who have experienced it.

Someone who was nasty to me at school, got meningitis, she lost both hands and feet, and was in a wheel chair. I found out when i bumped into her sister recently. I can't say i'm particularly sorry.

We all know how powerful peer pressure can be, how mad developing hormonal brains can be, how self absorbed teenagers can be. It is no wonder that people sometimes do horribly cruel things in the midst of all that- especially if they are insecure or unhappy themselves

Have you ever listened to your child sobbing night after night? Stop eating? Cry going to school?

Bullies erode self esteem and eat away at their very core. It’s like watching a light go out very slowly.

Bullies usually have bully parents. They refuse to believe their little darlings can do any wrong.

The PP who said schools let down both the bullies and the victims is right.