Just found out my school bully is dead

[EmbarrassedUser]

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

I believed in the saying "only the good die young", until I read this thread! Wow, karma does 'get' some people it seems.

Our school bully went missing/ was murdered when we were in our last year of school, she still hasnt been found over ten years later although most of us that knew her thinks she was is definatly dead. It was/is national news and I've never heard or see any comments about her being a nice girl who is missed ect. I feel sorry for her brother who was actually really nice in school but she was awful to alot of people and I reckon her behaviour towards others would definatly have got worse as she got older and she would have ruined lots more peoples lives if she was still here.

I decided to look up a boy who’d bullied me at school on Facebook, to ask him why he used to do it. He would stick out his leg to trip in up and used to ask my friends what they saw in me because I spoke in a ‘monotone’ ( if I did, will have been because I was shy).
I could t find him on Facebook so googled him and saw his obituary. He’d died in his 30s.
There was a lad at university with me who harangued me for 3 hours straight once because we both got a 2:2 which in his mind was unfair because he’d worked harder than me. I explained over and over that as annoyed as he felt, I’d and no power to influence his grade. He was insistent and intimidating. I looked him up and saw he’d died at 39.

One of the Mean Girls at my school died after falling off a balcony whilst drunk on holiday in her twenties. Her best friend from school, who was still her best friend in adulthood, had bullied me pretty horrifically to the point where I didn’t really want to live by the age of 12. Every new girl that started at school would be told horrible lies and be turned against me by this crowd. They really tortured me for many years. I was often told by them, “why don’t you kill yourself?”, “why don’t you jump off a building?”

It was such an odd feeling to find out she’d died. I did feel sad and really awful for her family. I know it sounds awful but I secretly felt that some sort of justice had been served that her best friend got to experience some pain for all she put me through. But obviously a terrible way to experience it.

I also felt a weird feeling of realising that they’d been so young and so stupid when they’d bullied me and that it was all somehow so insignificant. I just kept seeing this daft, full of herself party girl who liked to create and get caught up in silly Mean Girl drama who’d never really get the chance to grow up, have children of her own or grow old. Very very complicated emotions but genuine sadness for her and her family too.

My bully ended up in prison for GBH. She lost custody of her children and lost her house. She came out of prison and died of breast cancer a few years later.

One of her cronies contacted me wanting money towards a good send off for her. She was affronted when I refused but I explained that whilst I was sorry for their loss - she certainly wasn't my friend.

I wanted her to die or just not exist when I was younger but I'm indifferent to her being dead now. I feel sorry for her children but suspect they are in a safer, more nurturing environment now and will have a better future.

I don't know why she was such an awful person. I don't have anything nice to say about her.

One of my worse bullies threw herself in front of my train when I was 17 (after we'd both left school.) I can't say I was gutted TBH. She would get other girls to bully me too.

It did help me get my head round the bullying, to realize in later life that she must've been really fucked up herself, along with other things she did which looking back from today's perspective of how we would treat children's behaviours, rather than being 'bad' behaviour, the smearing shit up the toilet walls was evidence she was disturbed. Apparently she was fostered, but I didn't learn that until last year (I'm 43.)

It helped me to get my head round things to realize that the worst bullies genuinely did have severe issues themselves, at home etc. I didn't feel sorry for them that they had issues, but it helped me feel it wasn't so personal etc.

Another one's dad came out as gay and the family got a lot of hassle in those days for that (I didn't know this till later either, from her brother who was always ok with me.) She used to kick me between my legs as I walked along which has caused lasting psychological damage I think as I get anxious in public, but honestly looking at her FB page she doesn't look like she's had a happy life at all.

I half pity and half gloat tbh, more of an emotion of just interest.

Genuinely wouldnt be upset if my bully died

It's sad when someone dies young but you're a bigger person than I am, OP. I don't think I could muster up any sympathetic feelings towards my bully.

I'm so sorry for what you went through @amusedbush. I can't imagine having to face her again, I hope you'll be okay.

BIB- I couldn't be sympathetic either. I remember a thread once where people were saying you can't really judge bullies now as adults for how they behaved at that age, but I disagree. It really stays with you, and kind of shapes you.

I'm a nervous wreck now, riddled with anxiety, have panic attacks when meeting new people, don't have many friends because I struggle trusting people. Without a doubt it's because of how they treated me. I can't forgive them for that, I don't care how young they were. They were old enough to know better.

Years ago at the seconday school i went to there were three or so grade A school bullies one of them picked on me and made my life a misery just because i was intrested in the learning which they were not.

One day after this went on for years I lost it one afternoon at the bus stop where he thought i would be quite good fun to push me out of the queue into the path of the oncoming bus!

When i got up i saw red as he stated laughing at that point i hit him as hard as i could right on the end of his nose there was an explosion of blood and he went to down and was out cold for a few miniutes the poxy bus driver started having a go at me and was about to phone for an ambulance teachers were called and well, did feck all.

However from that moment onwards i was left alone in peace if i could floor this bully - in -cheif with one wallop i was thought to be dangerous all i ever wanted was a peacefull life!

A while ago i heard that he and another of his cronies had died from durg misuse was i upset?, nope!, I couldnt be botherd to piss on his grave even if i knew were it was!.

One of the boys who bullied one of my DS at primary school also died young (early 20s).
Felt strange reading all those comments about what a wonderful kind individual he was.

Some very sad stories here that illustrate that schools must enforce anti-bullying policies for the sake of both victims and bullies. There’s good evidence the long-term impact on mental health of being bullied (or being both a bully and a victim) is potentially severe. In my case depression and low self-esteem that dogged me for years. I’ve come a long way since then but if I hear of anyone being bullied it takes me back to those awful times.

To the OP and others learning your bully has died, keep on being kind to yourselves.

Thank you @PennyNotSoWise

My soon to be SIL told me that my bully has spoken about what she did to me in school, but only insofar as to say she was horrible to me. I don’t think for a second she has admitted how long it went on for or just how much she tormented me.

I’ve looked at her Facebook profile a couple of times over the years and it doesn’t appear she has improved with age. I’m being totally judgemental here but she is really rough, posting aggressive statuses threatening to ‘kick fuck out of’ anyone who looks at her kids the wrong way, etc.

I am very anxious about seeing her again but realistically I think she’ll avoid me just as much as I’ll be avoiding her. She would need to have balls the size of Texas to actually speak to me after the way she behaved.

A man i knew, got killed in a night club afew years back.

It was in the news, how much of a great man he was, how he was going to be a dad, how it was mistaken identity. He was lovely.
Blah blah blah.......

I know for a fact, he was awful and deserves what he got.

He raped my friend and was an utter scum bag.

Some people dont deserve sympathy

You must be a nicer person than me, OP.
I don’t think I could feel any sadness if I found out that the vicious little queen of the coven of bullies at my school had died young. I think I’d just be coldly indifferent.
She went on to be a teacher, too. I often wonder about the poor kids who had to suffer under her.

My school bully didn’t have a great life. Her husband was unfaithful and she had breast cancer in her early 40’s. My sister sarcastically said, well couldn’t have happened to a nicer person. Whilst she was really mean we did kind of become friends and I remember saying, no I wouldn’t wish that in anyone not even her. Recently I had breast cancer and she messaged me. Just checked in...and we have since chatted about our cancer experiences. Ironically she was more supportive than my sister was re: my cancer. 🤷‍♀️

Gosh, just looked up one of our school bullies - turns out she got breast cancer aged 29 Seemingly pulled through as she's still on LinkedIn.

The other school bully is now a childminder, duckfacing on social media and posting about Being Kind. I wouldn't trust her with a goldfish, never mind a child.

I can really relate to this. My former 'best' friend who began a prolonged and bizarre hate campaign against me simply because her boyfriend of a couple of years had cheated and broken up with her and she felt that i should therefore break up with my boyfriend of a couple of months in response (the respective boys weren't friends or anything like that) but her logic was that I had to be single if she was single because how would it look when she was the pretty one and I was the ugly one so I couldn't possibly have a boyfriend if she was single. Honestly this was her entire arguement. And it made me realise she hadn't ever actually been my friend and that i didn't really need her in my life. I wasn't the only person she fell out with over the years but these grudges were never forgotten and as we lived in a small town she would literally go out of her way to shout obscenities from across the street at people who had wronged her. She honestly came across as a bit crazy about it all. She ended up even getting banned from the shop I had a saturday job on the tills at because she would try to harass me while i was working.

She died very unexpectedly when she was only 20 from an undiagnosed heart problem. I'd seen her only a couple of weeks before resulting in the usual cursing and threats but then one day she literally collapsed in the street with no warning at all. She was around 7 month pregnant at the time and although they performed an emergency csection the baby couldn't be saved either. Even worse she had an older daughter who would only have been about 2 at the time who I heard though mutual acquaintances ended up in care and eventually adopted as the dad/extended family wasn't able/interested.
My feelings about it? Of course its desperately sad but that doesn't suddenly make us friends or change her behaviour to me. I felt guilty I didn't feel sad enough about it for a long time - as many of the others who she had been just as nasty too suddenly were going on about what good friends they had been and were overcome with grief (one even got her name tattooed within within a pair angel wings!) Eventually i realised that it was totally appropriate for me to feel as I did - objectively sad about the whole tragic situation without needed to rewrite our personal history as so many people seemed to do. Was she a nice person? No. But she didn't deserve to die like that.

Please dont make excuses for bullies. There is never an excuse.

There’s a few people on facebook who aren’t on my friends list but make comments on my friends statuses, that were vile to me when I was younger. One of them who’s picture crops up regularly, sexually assaulted me on a few occasions. He seems happily married now and the picture of respectability. But I get enraged whenever I see him because of what he did.

My bully ended up addicted to drugs and living on the streets. I don't know what happened to her after that. Even though I recognise that her life was probably chaotic at the time she bullied me it didn't really help. I still hated her as I'd done nothing to deserve the horrible treatment she gave me. I know that I should have been the bigger person but I just couldn't feel sympathy.

I remember hearing a BBC 2 Jeremy Vine about bullying. One woman rang in and said she didn’t feel free of her bully, until she heard he had died, in his 50s, even though they hadn’t had any contact for years.

I also knew someone
She terriosed people
She got killed as a teenager in a very gruesome way while living abroad, literally cut into small pieces and spread around

Not nice at all... Im not saying for a second she deserved that...

You're a better person than me OP, well done you. Someone who was horrible to me died at 27 and I felt nothing for her or her family. I wasn't glad but I wasn't sad either.

A former boss of mine who was an utter dick head died in his 30s. Oh well.

After my father died (I was ten), my mum lived with a man until I was seventeen he physically, emotionally and sexually abused me from the age of 12/13. I found out years later that he'd also basically anally raped my mum after she'd had a hysterectomy because she couldn't have "normal sex". Anyway, he died in his early-fifties about thirty years ago and my mum did the whole "don't speak ill of the dead" thing when she told me (they'd been apart for about five years by then) and I couldn't even. I'd fantasised about seeing him in the street and stabbing him to death. I'd heard he did it to other girls as well and that he and his friend who he moved in with after he was kicked out of our home, abused the friend's daughters who all had severe learning difficulties. He was a disgusting human being. It took me a long time to come to term with his death because I never got to confront him and tell him how disgusting he was, but then again if I had I almost certainly would have attacked him in some way which would not have ended well with me, so maybe it was for the best.

I don't know, I think when someone who was vile to you dies it's confusing and if you can just feel sad or nothing at all then that's almost certainly for the best but it can be hard when you've never had closure and the death can bring all of the hurt and pain back to the surface again.