Just found out my school bully is dead

[EmbarrassedUser]

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

I wouldnt give two shits personally and would see it as karma!

Jesus - Legwarmers what a life you had!

I was raped in my late teens by one of my peers. He died in his early thirties, one of those cancers that just came out of nowhere.
I had a huge amount of mixed feelings about that and it was difficult to get my head around.
For me, I think a lot of it was lack of resolution. I wanted him to acknowledge what he did and just say sorry and I knew that was never going to happen.
I think its normal to feel that way, OP. Not that it makes it any easier.

One of the girls who bullied me (carried on into my 20s with shouting abuse at me in the pub, no idea why) died of a drug overdose. She'd been on crack.

Weirdly I was friends with her brother, and the family are lovely.

So when she died I felt sorry for her family for everything they went through. I didn't really have any feelings towards her.

The person who bullied me had children with a Kiwi. They went back to live in New Zealand, where he promptly left her. Because of the children, she couldn't come and live back home near her family. Apparently she was miserable. Ah well.

Another one of them got married at 20 to a guy we all knew was cheating on her. Again, ah well.

Thanks everyone for your kind words 👍 I never thought I would feel like this but it’s just made me feel quite odd. It’s definitely quite a release though. I looked though my teenage diary this afternoon that covers a lot of that period and her name comes up regularly due to what she would do to me. Thankfully, on the flip side I had a couple of good school mates and a massive group of mates In the army cadets, some of whom I’m still in touch with. Not all bad then.

A woman who bullied me at school died in her twenties. I found out when a woman I worked with who had been in the year above asked did you know x', I replied 'yeah, she was a right cow to me' and was told 'she died'. Obviously I felt like a massive dick.

I felt sad that her life had been cut short, and for her family and her young child, but couldn't muster much sympathy for directly for her - she died of a drug overdose at a party.

Does anyone remember when FriendsReunited was a thing? My school bully popped up on there briefly to say ‘anyone who remembers me... is going to be saying ‘Oh god, not her!’ Sorry, everyone. I was having a crap time but I’ve grown up nicer now.’

I had a short casual relationship when I was 16 with a chap in his 20s. I went to Brighton with him for the day (as a friend) but we kissed and cuddled, and then I had sex with him once about a year later. I visited him in hospital once after he had an operation and he introduced me to his family (including small son) as his girlfriend, which embarrassed me because I was not in the slightest bit interested in him other than as a friend. I was ashamed of this later on when I met DH, so never spoke of it. I found out from his cousin that he died at 32, it was sad and I often wonder what became of his little boy, as the mother had died from an overdose not long after he was born.

My school bully took her own life when we were late 20's. I felt very strange about it, almost guilty. I'd wished her dead in my teenage mind many times and still used her face as a mental target for motivation when working out! I had quite a few nightmares about her after that. I then was able to reassess her treatment of me as a teenager and wonder what troubles she had been going through herself. Doesn't take away from the lasting damage to my self esteem though.

I recently found out my old school bully had been pimped out by her own mother from the age of 5 or so.

She died a few years ago from aids and I just felt sad but rather blade about it.

. It was obvious from an adults perspective that she was very troubled then later finding that out hit me like a tonne of bricks. It had quite a negative impact on my mental health if I'm honest.

One of my (sadly, many) bullies took his own life while we were still at school. Despite him being awful to me, I felt sad. No one should have to feel that is their only option, especially as a teenager.

This happened to me but much later in life. A woman (a 'friend') who spread a vicious rumour about me died of cancer. I suffered a great deal but I felt very sad for her family. Another woman who were friends with also helped to spread the rumour. I still wish her a great deal of ill. I wish I didn't but it still doesn't go away all these years later. I've tried to let it go but I can't

The bullies who made my life a misery at school all ended up leading pathetic, miserable lives whilst I went on to become a success. Weirdly, it doesnt bring me joy in any way though, its just a sad inevitability.

I think when you dwell and thrive off negativity and nastiness it cannot help but seep into your life like a poison and taint everything you do.
I dont see it as some kind of mystical karma, but rather, all our actions have consequences and spending your life picking on others rather than improving your own skills is inevitably going to ensure you end up a failure later on.

Life isn't black or white. It's okay for a bully's victim to feel angry about what they did and sad about what happened to them too. You can do both.

I came across my school bully in a professional capacity over 20 years ago now. She now was a victim of violence herself. Obviously as soon as I realised it was her (she was using a different name so it wasn't apparent til I saw her) I arranged for a colleague to take over but there was this weird moment where we looked each other in the eye and though neither of us actually said it, I am sure the irony of the situation wasn't lost on either of us. I felt far less angry with her than I thought I would and did feel sorry for her situation, though I confess I came nowhere near forgiving her. It dredged up a lot of old emotions though and I can relate to your mixed feelings OP. I don't think there is a "right" way to react to be honest.

When I read threads like this, I always wonder why people attribute adult motivations to child/teenage behaviour.
We all know how powerful peer pressure can be, how mad developing hormonal brains can be, how self absorbed teenagers can be. It is no wonder that people sometimes do horribly cruel things in the midst of all that- especially if they are insecure or unhappy themselves.

I don't believe that all bullies grow up to be horrible adults.

I think it's a terrible thing to go through but as adults we can have the ....I can't think of the word I mean....to not hold onto hate and fear.

A mother I met at anti natal and then became an ongoing presence in my life as our kids went right through babyhood, nursery, infants, juniors and seniors. I befriended her initially and on face value thought she was a good friend and a lot of fun. Subsequently found out she told untruths about me, and as I later discovered also about other people, quite outlandish lies in fact. She was definitely my nemesis for a while and was very glad to remove myself from her radar. Anyway found out a couple of years ago she had a degenerative illness which eventually took her life, I was sorry for her when I found out about her misfortune and for her children and husband. Our eldest respective children were born within days of each other are now in the early 30s so it was a while ago.

meant ante natal, not anti natal.

My SIL's abuser died recently. He was stabbed during a drug deal gone wrong. It messed SIL up for ages, she couldn't cope with the media saying "he was such a good man" and "father of 2 stabbed in defenseless attack". She kept saying to me "if only they knew the truth about him".
You feel how you feel, op. There's no right or wrong

My senior school bully died in her 30’s. She made my life complete hell for five years; as a direct result of her I self-harmed, was a very unhappy child and, having totally unsympathetic parents, she wrecked my self confidence completely.
And her cohort of cronies were no better.

An ex-boyfriend who treated me very badly died of a heroin overdose a few years ago. He wasn't a very nice man and he got a lot nastier as he aged (I knew him when he was younger) I think heroin seems to do that to people. It seems to destroy the part of the brain that carries empathy. But like so many of the other stories on this thread, the reasons why he used were because of a horrible upbringing.

He was quite famous at one point and there were times I used to see him all over the news, succeeding in a job I was struggling at, and I used to compare myself with him and feel bad. Now, I am so grateful for what I have.

When I heard he had died I felt incredibly sad. Such a waste. Beautiful, talented man, ruined by heroin and crap parents.