Just found out my school bully is dead

[EmbarrassedUser]

This woman made my life hell most days for 5 years and I found out today she died at the age of 32. My teenage self used to cry every night at her antics and I’d wish that she was dead but now I feel sad for both her and her family. Cancer is so cruel and it’s such a shame. I think that dying at 32 is very unfair (in general, Hitler etc I could make exceptions)

Has anyone else ever got upset over someone passing that they never thought they’d give a shiny shit about?

I was bullied by a work colleague who was an alcoholic. I left my job because of her. She was about 45 when I worked with her. A few years later she died as a result of drinking and when I was told I just shrugged my shoulders. I was completely indifferent about the whole thing tbh.

I was one of those kids that lots of people bullied for fun, because they knew they could. Probably half my year group at primary school did. So far as I know, all of them are alive, but most of them are probably quite pleasant to people who matter to them. I've spent ages ever since I was 4/5/6/7 trying to figure out what it was that made it Ok to bully me and to stop being a person who just deserved to be bullied.. Adults told me things like "it's not about you it's about them, they must be unhappy and doing it to make themselves feel better." I was obviously pretty rubbish even at being bullied, because they felt so un-better that they carried on doing it and I knew I must be a selfish and mean person to mind. If is was making them feel that much better I should be glad to help, right. A lot of them weren't "bullies". They weren't called bullies or known as bullies and they mostly didn't bully other people, with one or two exceptions. I think I would feel very guilty if one of them died. not because I've wished them harm, I just wanted it to stop, but because I'd obviously failed to make up for something in their lives. It was just a very, very ordinary school and I always remind myself that the people who thought it was Ok to do that sort of thing are the "nice, normal" people you see around all the time. I guess it's half of the people on Mumsnet, although not this thread perhaps, and I'd be most surprised if it was OP. The headmistress did bully me and seemed to rate little girls as good or bad based on prettiness. (Although another kid who was very pretty got the same treatment for being foreign. Both of us were very good at reading.)

I haven’t been bullied like some here but had so called friends do some awful things and tell awful lies trying to split me from my bf who became my DH. This person once I realised what they had done was cut out of my life but kept trying for years to have contact. In the end after yet another attempt to speak to me I asked what she wanted and could she not understand I didn’t want to know? She apologised for what she had done and said everything had stemmed from jealousy, my life to her had looked perfect and she hated me for it. I was everything she wanted to be and she wanted to hurt me and take it away. When i read the stories here all of the bullies were screwed up one way or another and took their anger out on someone who looked happier. It really is them and not you, your best revenge is keep loving the life they dreamed of.

@amusedbush, I've enjoyed your nickname ever since I first noticed it, btw.
This woman has no power over you now.

It’s crazy to hear on here how many people have had their bullies pass away and how it’s made people feel. For me, I know now that I’ll never have the worry of seeing her in a pub and having to make the call of confronting her or, possibly worse, her not even remembering me which would prove that she hadn’t changed and wasn’t worried at all about the bullying. I wonder if she ever discussed it with her loved ones to try and make peace with herself? Not that I’m too bothered really, curious really. I’d like to think that she changed but now I’ll never get to find out.

Tara336 I guess that my guilt stemmed from the fact that even though most of the people who bullied me had an Ok life and probably better than mine, they still feel the life infant school - me had was better than I deserved or was too good for me. I probably didn't look happier than them, just not unhappy enough I guess. How did you feel after she had apologised?

The guy who attacked me at work died two years later. I was working behind a bar at a works do. Very loud music, guy came to the bar... He was very drunk and slurred his words... He asked me three times for a drink and due to the noise and slurred voice I kept saying I couldnt hear him... He then leant over the bar grabbed me by my hair pulled me over the bar and yelled "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???" in my ear... I should have got the manager to call the police but I didn't... Found out the next day that he was a solicitor... He died two years later of meningitis... I tried not to feel it was retribution as I'm sure his family were devastated.

I must be a horrible person. I would feel nothing but relief if my ex colleague died.

The weight of years of misery would fall from my shoulders.

I was low level bullied by a group in pro arty that included a girl who went on to become a very close friend in later secondary years. My mum always said she was a horrible kid but grew into her personality. Only a few years ago I saw how she treated other mutual close friends and whilst she massively valued our friendship and in some way validated herself by it, she hadn't really changed and it. I ended our friendship having known her for 40 years. I decided I control whether I have bull shit in my life now

^primary not pro art

A boy at my high school was always disruptive; getting kicked out of class, would go into the girls toilets and harass them, would hit random people in the corridor - boys, girls, it didn't matter who, stealing from lockers, taking peoples dinners or money. Basically was horrible to everyone except his cronies. He was awful to me a few times too.
After school he stole a motorbike and pulled out on a driver on a 60mph road with no helmet. Died instantly, he was 17.
At the time he had a massive funeral with lots of people saying how fantastic he was. Ashamed to say I thought good riddance and wondered what the fuss was about. Now as a parent myself and after hearing about his childhood it's just sad.
Also a girl who was a total cunt to everyone, year 11 who would push year 7s down the stairs, beat people up etc. She was severely overweight, had weight loss surgery age 16, in all the papers and magazines with stories of a bad childhood and it all made sense. Sadly she went anorexic after being 34st and her baby was stillborn. I feel sad about the baby but I still feel angry that she victimised me and so many others.

I'm grateful for this thread but it is really disturbing.

@whatcolourisyourwednesday

I'm grateful for this thread but it is really disturbing.

In what way is it disturbing?

The more I reflect on being bullied as a young child the more I realise I have been bullied at various times throughout my life, so it’s hardly surprising I have such low self esteem.
One ward sister when I was a staff nurse made my life so miserable I considered suicide. When I applied for another job the reference she gave me was ‘character assassination’ according to my interviewer.
I was so angry I actually confronted her and told her exactly what I thought of her! Thankfully I did get the job and moved.
I saw her a few years ago in town, she scurried off across the street when she realised I had seen her, evil evil cow.
Maybe the bullied person somehow attracts further bullying? It seems so to me 🥺

Maybe the bullied person somehow attracts further bullying? It seems so to me
@Strawberrycreamsundae - I think this is true. I think adults should intervene far more forcefully to nip it in the bud. DS got bullied at school and I cornered the bully and made him cry. Other parents stopped speaking to me afterwards, thinking I was a madwoman. But the bully moved on to someone else afterwards. Later I heard his bullying had escalated towards other people and one of them is still affected now. A lovely boy who was gentle. But his mother didn't stand up for him like a dragon - she expected him to ride it out. That never happens.

It's so unPC to say confront the child (not with physical violence, just with a really blunt telling off that you know what they are up to and you have your eyes on them.) But I think it's the only thing that works. Never expect school or the other parent or the children themselves to sort it out.

@Handsoffisback

You’re a better person than I am OP. I saw my school bully in a bar years ago. She was with her I presume partner/husband. She said hello to me and I then had great pleasure with a big grin across my face in very sweetly telling her what a cunt she was and how did said partner/husband know she’d been the school bike? Could be perceived as petty but felt fucking fantastic at the time

Love this

A few years ago there was a really tragic freak accident whereby a car speeding away from the police turned quickly onto a farmers field and hit a local lad.

When I was leaving primary school he liked to play a game called 'rape game'. He got another lad on in the game to block off one side of the playground equipment/tunnel while he shoved his hands up my dress and tried to take it off touching everything and shoved his tongue down my neck. I reported it to the school but nothing was done. At secondary he did the same thing by waiting in the school toilets and nothing was done again.

Looking back he was from a very dysfunctional family so god knows what he went through to end up like that. When he died my first thought was 'good'.

There was a lad in my year at school who was a bit of a thug. He was awful to me.

I saw him on GCSE results day and he yelled across the road at me “Oi madness!!! OI YOU”. I was so convinced he was going to take the piss out of me I started to walk quicker. But instead he wanted to tell me how great he thought my GCSEs were. He seemed genuine.

I used to see him locally and he looked ill, desperately ill. The rumour was he was on drugs. I’ve no idea if that was true but seeing was had actually been a good-looking lad so emancipated was upsetting.

He died a few years ago in his late 30s. Not sure what from but I do know he had a young child. He was a complete horror at school but it saddens me that he died young.

Regarding confronting bullies, my dad did this to my DB's bully. MyDB is 2 years older than me.

This lad, Nick, used to be sort of friends with my DB, in primary. I was friends with his rather older sister.

Nick went a bit off the rails in late primary, hanging out with known troublemakers from the next village.

One day, mum sent me and my bro to a local farm shop, where we encountered Nick with three mates. They cornered my DB and were smashing their bike front wheels into my DB's bike, name calling him etc til we managed to get away and cycle home where my DB burst into tears and ran upstairs.

I told dad what had happened, he grabbed mum's bike 😁 and we both set off to the farm shop. Nick and mates were just leaving.

My dad verbally tore Nick a second asshole, as I stood by, smirking. He told the two lads from the next village to sod off back there, and told the third older lad who had mild LD how disappointed his parents would be (whom we knew, this was a small village!) if they knew who he was hanging out with, and told Nick that if he ever so much as looked at DB again, there'd be a knock on his parents door, and it wouldn't be the police standing there, it would be him!

God, it was so satisfying.

The bullying stopped there and then. And boy, was he sheepish towards me in school the next day. I readily admit I told everyone what had happened!

I don’t wish any of the bullies in my past well. I have very unpleasant revenge fantasies occasionally about my dd’s bullies...I make no apology for this.

While I do believe to a certain extent that many of them are in a hell of their own making in their own nasty minds. I also question those that outwardly at least..appear to lead happy successful lives in many ways. How do they live with what they do? I’m talking about people who have lied and schemed and manipulated with the end result being the complete destruction of the other person. And how do they choose who they target?

Not a bully no, but I had a strong dislike for a boy when I was a teen. He wasn't nice at all and very argumentative. He spoiled the atmosphere but it wasn't personal against anyone IYSWIM.

Well, I met DH again at a reunion 16 years later and this guy is still his friend. DH told me about this guys abusive and neglectful upbringing and the very difficult years he's had since. I now just feel sorry for him and that he was never shown how to have any kind of relationship/friendship/trust with other people. He never had a good chance

A boy bullied me in high school. Low-level things like name calling, pushing and shoving but it opened the door for lots of other bullying. A few years ago he moved 3 houses down from me in a small cul-de-sac. His wife had a baby boy. I often wonder how he would feel if someone treated his son the way he had treated me.
They moved out earlier this year.

I don’t think it’s bad to feel glee or nothing when a bully meets a gruesome end. Some of them had a bad childhood but so did a lot of others who didn’t become nasties or bullies in the process.

There was also another girl who was spiteful towards me at primary school (I hardly ever spoke to her and wasn't scared of her, but she would regularly come up to me and pull my hair really hard). One day she was sat behind me when she yanked my pony tail and neck right back and held me in that position for ages. Anyway, she recently popped up on a reunion class page. I am sorely tempted to remind the class of the time that she wet her knickers, aged 11, and the dinner lady wrung out them to dry on a chair in the playing field. I could still describe those knickers today!!