What would put you off becoming close friends with another woman?

[JungleRaisin]

I’ve never been able to manage to have a close friendship with another woman. Not in primary school, high school, sixth form, uni, or work.

They always see ‘be yourself’ but that clearly isn’t working for me. Makes me sad thinking I’m always going to have to put on a fake persona of normality if I am ever to make any female friends :(. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing wrong,

Please tell me your pet peeves in other women during the first convos that would put you off pursuing a close friendship with them? It seems faulty universal among women so any pounders would help.

I don’t massively struggle with getting male friends but I guess they don’t spot the social faux pas as much as women do.

I’m described as chatty, witty, always friendly, too nice (I.e everyone thinks I’d never lose my temper) but also a little cold so if I’ve any real bad traits, people clearly aren’t telling me about them. I think I am fairly intense and ask a lot of questions about someone’s life even on day 1 but also over-share about myself a bit.

Any tips?

I would be put off by a woman that had been with more than one man in a relationship, once is bad enough but it happens and anymore than once says to me that the woman has extremely low self worth and it’s only validated when a man wants to have a sex with her, I wouldn’t trust her around my man.

What about those with sexual abuse histories? Or those with boyfriends in very early teens and/or in manipulative and abusive relationships. Think before you speak again. I too only get on with males, I had a few abusive boyfriends in my teens but have been with my current partner over five years whilst going through a previous rape /SA trial. Do not label.

Sorry Aclh13 is your post directed at the OP?

I would be put off by those with misogenystic standards.

Inappropriatefemale
What is it to think like a man?

I'd say me and my closet female friends get on because we fall closer to the middle of male/female stereotype in terms of outlook and approach to situations, but they're just stereotypes. I'd be a bit if anyone said "I don't really get on with women because I'm more masculine/I think like a man and don't want to have to deal with female emotions".

Fair enough on your bad personal experiences, but it's a bit much to lump 50% of the population into one group who are emotional and feeling orientated and hard to get on with.

Like I said I love all my friends, male AND female. But let’s be realistic.. women are a lot more needier and emotional than men (in general) which is why a lot of gossiping and bitching goes on

Blimey. How did I manage to form a whole friendship circle of women who don’t gossip & bitch at each other? Do we all secretly identify as male?

@Inappropriatefemale clearly @Aclh13 ‘s post is aimed at you and not me

Thanks so much everyone so far for all the interesting viewpoints.

On the male/female stereotyping... I find it laughable that some women feel "they think like men" and that makes them unique... Because guess what, you're not unique in anything, women come in all kinds of personalities, just like men do... To think you can generalise other women when u see urself out of the stereotype is ridiculous !!!

As a woman who's perceived to lack emotions (which isnt true at all), no interest in motherhood, and very practical working in a male dominated field, those shitty stereotypes hardly applies to me, but how many other women are like that? Who has ever gone around checking women's personalities?? These nonsense stereotypes need to die, cuz all they do is single out women and put them to shame cuz they dont follow stupid norms.

On the male/female stereotyping... I find it laughable that some women feel "they think like men" and that makes them unique..

This is the basis of all the shit about ‘gender’ being supposed to be more important than sex. Old-fashioned sexism. I'm not interested in motherhood either, and I have a techy job too. Twitter looked at my work account (under my real name) and decided I must be male because stereotypes.

I have been told I think like a man which which is why I’m saying it, I don’t exactly have an example but I just know it to be true IYSWIM. I sometimes think far more logical than emotional and this is how men are compared to women, don’t get me wrong I’m emotional about certain things but imo men are far more interesting in group settings compared to women, they have more interesting things to speak about imo.

It’s not that I don’t like women but I’ve had so many bad experiences with so many of them that I’m cautious, the only bad experiences I have had with men are the usual that we have all had, they want to sleep with you and you don’t so their fragile egos are damaged and that’s the end of the friendship, men don’t gossip and bitch about petty things in the way that women do and that’s been my experience. I am also an honest person and will say the things that are the elephant in the room more than most and women, in my personal experience, would rather you blew smoke up their arss and lied to them and didn’t say that their man was a complete and utter bastard. This is all my experiences of women and I’ve had more bad ones with them than I have with men.

Alch13 why would your post be aimed at me? Wtf are you bringing up sexual abuse etc for?! Wtf does this have to do with anything?! I am fed up of hearing my female pal complain about her crap man and you come out with sexual abuse etc, why is it women are always excused with things due to their past?! Not that’s even the issue here but your post makes it sound like that. My friend hasn’t been abused and even if she had then why would this justify her going back to a man years after he was useless in the first place and years after they had been apart?!

self obsessed, needy, tight, selfish are all no nos.

Poor time keeping, not paying their way or sharing lifts/driving, looking around the room at others when you’re talking.

@Inappropriatefemale clearly my point went over ur head. U were told this by ppl who stereotype women, doesnt make it anything near the truth, just makes it a stereotype; so many women like that i cant even begin to count... Yet those shallow ppl stereotyping women seem to fail to realise, there are enough of us to debunk this BS...

I feel more comfy with men in all honesty, maybe being the only girl with 5 men may have something to do with it.

I have female friends but they’re like me, blunt and call a spade a spade and these are the women that I get on with most, my brother thinks women don’t like me as much because I’m not girly but I’m 38 now so I don’t know what the hell he means.

Don’t get me wrong, if I had a problem then I would want to talk to a woman about it but men are more fun for the less serious things in life, impo anyway and we all have our own normal.

5 brothers not 5 men!

Inappropriatefemale, you think like a woman because you are a woman. The only way you would think like a man is if you were a man. Everything else is just stereotypes.

Just some thoughts I have had are quite manly so this is where it’s been said and I knew what he meant when he said it.

Just some thoughts I have had are quite manly what are these manly thoughts though?

What is a “manly” thought? What is a “womanly” thought?

Examples please.

'kinell. Presumably "womanly" thoughts are about kittens and tapestry and lipstick and "manly" thoughts are about motor engines and real ale. FFS.

Well, certain people who identify as women expressed their shock at discovering that MNers didn’t just talk about pranks, nappies & lipstick. But IMO it’s all the same mindset as when men thought women couldn’t cope with having the vote.

A few years ago I met a lady at an aerobics class and we made superficial chat but within a few short weeks she wanted to go out for a 'Christmas Meal' I thought this was much too premature - we'd only just recently met and what would we have to talk about during a meal? A meal, say compared to just a coffee in Costa or something lasts a long time and it's difficult to get away easily. Also I felt we didn't sufficiently have enough in common to really sustain this sort of 'friendship'.

Generally speaking - what puts me off is negativity and nosiness.
I love leading nosey / gossipy people directly up the garden path

@happyrage20 yeah someone above said it is ridiculous to say women are threatened by attractive women but it definitely isnt!

I have a friend who was stunning but quite lonely at school. Actually we met because my boyfriend went after her while we were still together! She wasn't interested and we had a good laugh about what a tool he was as we shared a pizza at a party. The friendship was formed...

She has struggled to form long last friendships and has often been used by blokes who see her as a trophy.

But I think it's more common during teen years when girls care loads about attention from boys and dont fancy the competition.

Very early 'using you' vibes - 'oh, you have a car? Can you drive me to XYZ? '

No, I fucking can't. I'm not a carpet and will not let you walk all over me

Also, borrowing money. No, no, no.