Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

I'm just going to leave this here

Prodhub

I see they reference a poke. I always referred to the ice cream van as the pokey van, but once DH, DD, DD's friend and I were at a Seaside Resort, and when I said "ooh I hear a pokey van, come on and we'll get a 99" they all looked at me like

We had John, the poke man. If you were really lucky you got a slider with a flake in the middle for extra decadence.

I'd just read the Ulster Fry piece on FB
I always call the ice cream man the pokey man too.
Best ice cream is Cafollas in Ards, a 99 with red sauce and chocolate sprinkles.

Cafollas do the best fry up in the world. I bring tourists there just to clog their arteries.

They are doing deliveries during the lockdown 😁

Ah not to Ballylesheep they won't

The Pit Stop in Bangor had the lockdown delivery market covered before covid19 was even a twinkle in a bat's eye. I stayed with a friend who lived nearby a few years ago, drink was taken, and the next day there was Mr Pit Stop at the door with a fry and pancakes. Blew my culchie mind,that did.

Mars bar and apple sandwiches are preferably made with veda but thick white will suffice. However on the apple front, it must be Granny Smiths - there needs to be a tang and a bite to contrast with the sweetness of the mars bar. Wee handy tip is to put mars bars in the fridge first - much easier to slice neatly.

My mum used to also make apple and cheese sandwiches for church teas. She used to blitz the apple and cheese in the food processor to it combined into almost like a slightly lumpy paste. Not my favourite but very popular if I remember correctly.

The best sandwiches however are not cream cheese and grape, but chicken and grape. At my granny’s funeral recently my mum specifically requested someone make them because she knows they’re my favourite and this particular woman is known for always bringing them.

As for the PP who mentioned the gospel hall baptism - I maintain that the Brethren do the best spreads - they have the presbys beat every time.

As for the PP who mentioned the gospel hall baptism - I maintain that the Brethren do the best spreads - they have the presbys beat every time.

Maybe everything tastes better if it's transported in a Mercedes?

As for the PP who mentioned the gospel hall baptism - I maintain that the Brethren do the best spreads - they have the presbys beat every time

There’s only one way to decide this The Great Prod Bake Off
I’ll be the judge of that. Thank you

Presbys do the best sandwiches, end of. Brethren sandwiches can be hit or miss, but the traybakes are sublime, and often beat the Ps hollow. CoI do everything very well, but they don't always reach the heights of genius (definition of moderation) Catholics do a very good hot meaty buffet, and I've never seen cocktail sausages disappear so fast. All of the above make shit coffee.

Here endeth the reading.

Oh you are right on one count for sure @Beatrix - church coffee is the worst. (In the UK anyway - we lived in the US and our church had a coffee shop which sold incredible direct from farm coffee - they even had their own roasting room on site - would never work here mind you - far too hipsterish!)

@isabellerossignol

Never knew Brethren Mercedes were a thing

... my Brethern Aunt & cousins all drive Mercedes!!

Yes, shit coffee is what unites us all.

You are right - there is no such thing as good coffee in NI!

If you are Catholic, have you considered this Cilla Black recipe instead? You need to watch past 30s for the full effect. twitter.com/itsmatthooper/status/1258881005513052161?s=19

A Brethren family member once broke ranks and bought a BMW. Its subsequent early demise was remarked upon for years. Now I know why.

On the back of this thread...

Mmmmm, that look fab.

C of I has great coffee. At least the parish centre beside my DC's primary school does. It's run by a lady from Seattle, she's good with coffee. Anytime there's anything on at the school the parents all form a long line to get a take away coffee into the school thing with them. It helps.

Ours has instant, but the craft fair is held in the gas hall which has a filter machine!

I use this recipe subbing the mint aero for malteasers and crushed malteasers over the top instead of white chocolate 😊

Sorry white choc still there but with malteasers over them. Also see you were going to try the mint squares so two birds/one stone here

I’ll concede you can find a proper coffee if you look hard enough but it’s not a given - mostly the buns are good, the tea is good but the coffee is shit.

When it takes a Seattle girl to come over and bring good coffee to the masses...

Someone shoulder suggest it as a sort of reverse mission trip.