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Original poster

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

384 replies

Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:09

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 06/05/2020 15:32

Go to your mums. Honestly I would. There’s more than one risk factor to be considered and it sounds like your mental health is the more pressing issue than Coronavirus right now

Potterspotter · 06/05/2020 16:27

Yes I would go and see my mum too in your shoes, exceptions need to be made for mh reasons. Yes, we are all finding it hard, but most of us don’t have a recent history of severe mh difficulties and being left with ‘count your blessings‘ it’s the lower risk option to go and see her and get some respite.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 06/05/2020 16:28

Its hard to think its OK to do when people tell you you are killing others by doing this

OP posts:
fascinated · 06/05/2020 16:29

Is anyone saying that in real life though?

Talk is cheap on the internet — ignore online voices saying that sort of thing. They don’t know your situation.

Potterspotter · 06/05/2020 16:32

The people saying this don’t understand risk isn’t limited to covid and lack emotional empathy. Life is risky. As I said I know of several people operating exceptions because the risk of not having help is greater than the consequences of them catching covid.

Let’s hope for some social bubble type relaxation Sunday.

Well done @Elmerrrrrrrr for getting this far with all you’ve got on, I’m not sure I would have.

fishonabicycle · 06/05/2020 16:50

My neighbours have had their parents round visiting, had them taking the kids out for the day, and she (neighbour) works in the local hospital!. So see if your mum could take you 3 year old for a bit to give you a break.

HavenDilemma · 06/05/2020 17:05

@Elmerrrrrrrr 🤞🏻

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't
fishonabicycle · 06/05/2020 17:10

Sorry you are having such a shit time OP. My stepdaughter is a teacher and is off work and managing an almost 3 year old as a single parent, and is so pissed off. Working full time with a toddler must be hellish. I can only reiterate that that you really need to sort out reduced working hours.

AnnaNimmity · 06/05/2020 17:22

what is your husband doing to support you OP? Presumably he hasn't been written off with stress. Has he spoken to his employer? A marriage is give and take, maybe he needs to pick up some slack here and support you a little bit more.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 06/05/2020 17:40

He out earns me by almost double and if he loses his job we cannot pay our.mortgage so his job takes precedence at the moment. Also his is less secure than mine. He does what he can between his calls and takes ds from 5 so I can work but to be honest my heads such a mess it is taking me ages to do everything

OP posts:
AnnaNimmity · 06/05/2020 18:12

I'm sorry OP, but that's not reasonable. He gets to work all day until 5 and you are in this state? No

He needs to take a turn during the day and speak to his boss. It his family and his children.

You are both full time, and your boss would not think your job any less important than your husbands. And he shouldn't either. You're a team. He needs to shoulder some of the responsibility and hard work because you're doing it all.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 06/05/2020 18:14

Please don't have a go at me about my husband I can't cope with that on top of everything else

Please just trust me when I say he is not an awful person and he does pull his weight. Often takes a 2-3 hour lunch so I can work. But both oru workloads are massive and the fact of the matter is he is the bigger earner. If I was the bigger earner it would be the other way round. But I'm not.

OP posts:
JimmyTheWeed · 06/05/2020 18:36

I totally sympathise OP. I had a letter a few weeks ago saying that I was 'very vulnerable' (in what way,I'm not sure as I don't fall into ANY of the catagories listed). I've already been told that I should stay in until the end of June,and I'm worried sick that I'm going to get another letter advising me to stay in for another 12 weeks. I'm having trouble coping with this already,let alone being told I shouldn't go out until the middle of September!

Twilbury · 06/05/2020 18:37

I know this may not be a popular opinion but in your position I would seriously think about letting my mum have my child for a few hours every day. I would definitely go and sit in her garden with him for a while.

If they had a house big enough you would feasibly be living there and the reality of the virus needs to be balanced with the reality of your mental health.

If you were saying you wanted to do this because you were a bit bored or just fancied a change of scene then the balance doesn't work but in your case I think the danger of you becoming ill outweighs the risk of the virus.

I may be wrong but I honestly think that is what I would do.

rossKemp · 06/05/2020 20:41

Hey OP how are you feeling this evening?

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 06/05/2020 20:46

I've been frightened of saying but I've arranged to go to my mum tomorrow and stay the night with her

Its all that's keeping me going tonight

OP posts:
Twilbury · 06/05/2020 20:52

IMHO you are doing the right thing.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 06/05/2020 20:53

I am scared of being stopped by the police and that they will send me home. Dh has to drive me because I can't drive

OP posts:
Twilbury · 06/05/2020 20:55

Take a load of bread with you and if in the very unlikely event that happens then you can tell them it is an emergency bread dash .
That will not happen !
Look forward to it and enjoy it otherwise it is not worth it. ( I know that is easy for me to say but please try)

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 06/05/2020 21:19

OP you are totally doing the right thing by going to your mums. Common sense has to prevail at some point. This is an awful situation for many people, I am struggling too but with the news that lockdown could start to ease slightly from Monday, then there is hope.

fascinated · 06/05/2020 21:25

All the best, OP. Don’t feel bad.

Nighttimenope · 06/05/2020 21:43

@Elmerrrrrrrr delighted to hear that. Hopefully just the sights and noises of home will help so much, and mums can be wonderful burden lifters. Thinking of you. Don’t doubt yourself. Flowers

NoSoapAndGory · 06/05/2020 21:50

So glad to hear that OP.

For your health's sake, you need your mum right now far more than you need to social distance.

stayathomer · 06/05/2020 21:51

OP Flowers take care and hope you get a chance to take a breath

SquirtleSquad · 06/05/2020 21:53

Good for you Wine