I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

[Elmerrrrrrrr]

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP, as I understand it, you are allowed to use your mother for childcare, particularly if she regularly does childcare for you. I have my grandchild three days a week after both their parents got ill and just couldn't cope. It has made their lives immeasurably better. They don't see anyone else and we don't see anyone else . At first we lent them the garden while we went out. Then, when they got ill we took over regular childcare (we normally do childcare for them). They are so much happier and they are coping whereas before things were falling apart.
Your mental health is important. Alternatively, talk to your GP. My grandchild's nursery are operating normally for key workers and vulnerable children. Your health is important, try for a GP note and ask for some nursery sessions on the grounds that you are vulnerable. Good luck.

@RabidChinchilla
I would not expect the whole of society to shut down, people to lose their jobs and homes and education for less than 1% of the population no. I would be devastated by the loss but wouldn’t expect the whole world to shut down because of it.

My therapy sessions haven't been moved to online, they said it wasn't possible. I could find a new online therapist and pay for it myself but I'd built up a rapport with the last one and it is so exhausting going through it all again with someone new

I spoke to my gp a couple of weeks ago and she said there were bigger things going on right now and I should just count my blessings

I think you should speak to your GP, if things get too much he/she may feel you need to be signed off with stress. You have to look after your mental health as a priority. Also of your Mum decided she was happy to have your son sometimes that would be allowed as it’s a caring responsibility.

Cross post sorry, I would speak to a different GP and make very clear your concerns about becoming as ill as you have been previously.

Lots of my family are teachers. Schools , nurseries are staying open for vulnerable children. Few people are taking up these places. Ask( insist) on a GP's note for a nursery place. Honestly, OP, you would be doing the right thing.

I wonder if people hit a wall this week too - I have spent much of the last 10 days also crying and feeling just so defeated by it all.

I have started to feel a little bit better this week though - no idea why as nothing has changed!

OP can you phone in sick for a few days? You wouldn't be lying if you did. Some rest, sleep, fresh air and time away from work may help a little bit.

feeling very low this morning. I've called the GP and waiting for a call back. I would just feel so awful about sending him to nursery. others can cope why can't I?

@Elmerrrrrrrr every one is different, every one has different coping tools and thresholds. Every one has different circumstances. It's ok

lots of people aren't coping OP. Just look at the other threads. Amongst my friends and colleagues this is very common at the moment. So common. I was lucky enough to get an online appointment with my counsellor yesterday and spoke to her on the phone last week. That has helped me immensely.

Sending him to nursery isn't defeat.

I’m just offering a different perspective. Clearly your lives are very full on - working 80 hours a week between you, living in a very small space and your toddler in childcare for nearly 80% of the week. You sound close to breaking point. All I’m saying is that it might be a good time to re evaluate. Life’s too short to live as unhappily as you are. I’m a bit taken aback by your reaction, I’m really not being mean!

This is such bullshit @rossKemp, you absolutely were being 'mean'. The comment about the OPs 3 year old being in nursery 5 days a week and the sad face? What was that supposed to mean?

The OP probably doesn't need to 'revaluate' in normal circumstances and being in the middle of a global pandemic when nothing is normal is hardly comparible to that situation. She didn't say she was normally unhappy. She said she is not coping at the moment and is struggling with her mental health so I fail to see how you could possibly have thought that your initial post would in any way either offer solutions or empathy for her situation at the moment. You're not 'just offering another perspective', you're being judged and unkind to a poster who needs help.

I hate shit like this, particularly when a poster is disingenuous about it after they've been pulled up on it.

I can’t think of anyone who would cope with full time work and a 3 year old full time as well. It’s not doable. I think either GP to support to get him in nursery, or a sick note for stress is the only way forward. I think your work are being very unrealistic.

If you had a problem with childcare in normal circumstances, and suggested bringing your 3 year old to work, I think your employer and anyone else you suggested it to would say it was a ridiculous idea! So why they think you should be able to manage at home in the same circumstances, I do not know.

Others aren't coping OP. They're taking a picture and putting it on Facebook.

Even one of my closest friends (in the past we've had very open conversations about struggling with DC) is now just posting pics of crafts each day

The ones saying yay lockdown, good for them but they are in the minority.

Good luck getting sense out of GP today.

Do not feel bad about nurseries. So few children are taking up the places that it is hard to organise games. It's like empty hospitals, there are empty nurseries and nursery managers talking about closing permanently. You are not well, you need a nursery place for your son. Make sure the GP understands

Hey there,

I'm really sorry that you aren't feeling so great, but you need to take your mental health seriously. I know as I'm in the same boat. I think anyone, and I include myself in this, who has been hospitalised due to ill mental health/repeated suicide attempts, needs to prioritise this part of their wellbeing above all else.

Ring your GP, maybe a short term course of meds is needed, or someone to talk to. At the very least after speaking to a professional you will be coming from a stronger standpoint if you need to talk to your work. My gp has been very supportive during this time, and has never made me feel I am wasting her time.

I was gutted too on hearing yesterdays news, especially after the previous days rather upbeat reporting. We've found it helpful to force ourselves to be positive round here, and change the narrative - this WILL be over soon, we're all doing GREAT etc - it can feel a bit false, but does work.

Just reread some comments - didn't realise you were in therapy.

Sorry I didn't mean to patronise you.

Spoke to gp. Refused to give me a note for nursery but I've been signed off sick for a fortnight

That’s great new OP, hopefully a bit of time out will make a big difference for you, and hopefully this will make your work see you cannot carry on like this. A PP made a good point that you’d never be expected to take a child into work, why is it different because you’re at home? You need to say you can only be available for meetings during set times and you need some consideration - it isn’t tenable to carry on as you have been. I do hope the rules are changed at least a bit soon, you’re absolutely not the only one struggling

That's good news OP, at least it takes some pressure off for the time being.

If your therapy has come to an abrupt stop it is no wonder you are feeling all over the place OP.

What happened there? Did your therapist really say that's it no more therapy, over night ?

Boss has said she's disappointed I feel I need to take time sick as she has been flexible with me

Boss is just covering her behind. Is she being similarly tough on the people you’ve been covering until now? Don’t feel bad about taking a needed break.

Being in the middle of an unprecedented crisis is a bad time to make life changing decisions in fact.

Oh your boss sounds like a real piece of work!

You're not able to work, your GP says so. End of.

Try and take it as easy as possible for a couple of weeks. We had a similar situation, and my key worker DP had to take a week off work. He went back on Monday, I was dreading it, but I have to say I feel much more positive.

I agree that your therapy coming to an abrupt halt must be really difficult - you've done really well all things considered!