I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

[Elmerrrrrrrr]

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

Boss can get lost. She's not dealing with your situation, you need to put yourself and your health before a job.

In what way has she been flexible? It doesn’t sound like she has - if she’d been more supportive you might not be feeling as bad as you do now! Don’t let her get to you - this sounds like her projecting and probably feeling a bit bad.

That’s great that you’ve got some breathing space for now. I’ve had a boss like that in the past, I really feel for you. She can fuck right off though! I bet she’s not trying to work full time with a 3 year old in tow.
Do you have a Union? Don’t hesitate to say you’re not well enough to go back if it comes to it after the 2 weeks. You have to prioritise your health for the sake of your son. I hope you feel a bit better in the next few days.

OP - you've taken a really positive step to prioritise your MH and your family this morning. Well done. How much longer is your partner's probation period? It sounds like there needs to be some balancing of the workload at home. Ignore the comments on here saying to get on with it - a mental health crisis is very difficult to understand if you haven't had one. Lucky them.

If you can, try to focus on doing a few things that - when put together - might help to halt this spiral for you. Simple things like getting a bit of fresh air, having a shower, a little gentle exercise / 10 mins meditation. I know none of those things are a "cure" (if only!!) - but it's that thoughts / actions / body sensations / emotion cycle they talk about in CBT - often the only way to start to break it is to force yourself to take the small action, even if it feels impossible.

And call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free). You don't need to be actively suicidal in the moment to make the call. They are there for anyone who needs to talk. A conversation with a trained listener might really help - just to say some of this stuff out loud.

Good luck, OP. Lockdown is tough. Looking after a small human is tough. A mental health crisis is incredibly tough. You're trying to deal with all three together - it's no wonder you're overwhelmed. And certainly no failing on your part.

I’m glad you got signed off OP.

Boss may be disappointed, but neither she nor you can control your health.

Your GP took a professional decision and I have no doubt it was the right one.

Be kind to yourself over the next couple of weeks.

I think they will announce an earlier re-opening, probably June. Bojo just wants to be the one to announce the news as he likes to get all the glory for everything. Get everyone's expectations really low then he dashes in and looks like the hero announcing fantastic news

I'm sympathetic OP - Me and DH still working FT (though I condense hours so FT hours in 4 days) and DH is keyworker so I'm often alone for a week at a time with DCs (10 & 3.5). You need to accept that this is the situation at the moment - it's shit, but it's life right now. We all need to concentrate on day to day survival and not fall into a pit of despair because we can't do this until September. We might not have to! You're not alone.... hundreds of thousands of families are doing this too (some, possibly with worse circumstances).

I have split my days at work. I work 5:30am-9:30am with DH getting kids up whilst I work before he heads off at 8:30 then I can manage another hour in relative peace whilst the kids eat breakfast and watch TV. Then I stop working until 4:30 when I do the next half of my day (usually until around 9:30pm). It does mean i have to try and reject pointless meeting requests or reschedule them, but I figure people need to be flexible at this time. When it's a big meetings where I can't reschedule (too many people, awkward time zones) I attend via my mobile and at the outset I simply apologise in advance for any kid noises and mention that I will stay on mute where possible and I unmute to interject or raise comments. It works on the most part. There are some meetings where this isn't workable, and in those cases I ply the kids with chocolate buttons, iPad time, TV and beg for them to stay quiet for the hour!

You need to find a new normal. As both of you are WFH I think you could find a way of shifting work patterns to cover childcare between yourselves so you each get a certain amount of hours per day to focus solely on work.

I’ve said all along it will be September and as a teacher I knew this. People have been getting their hopes up from ridiculous unfounded articles about ‘June 1st’ and now they’re disappointed. It was never going to be as early as June, never.

sorry @maybelatte has Boris told you that personally? i thought the announcement was being made sunday?

Your boss sounds like a dick. In what ways has she been flexible?

@Maybelatte what is the point of your comment on this thread?

Boris has just said on pmqs some lockdown restrictions will be eased from Monday. I wonder what those will be

Interesting I missed that, will watch the briefing later

@NerdImmunity That was spectacularly unhelpful & unsympathetic!

You’ve had to do what’s best for you and your family during these difficult and unprecedented times. Please don’t feel guilty. No, it isn’t a shame that you’ve been signed off sick because they had been flexible - it’s a shame that you’ve been signed off sick because you asked for flexibility weeks ago and didn’t receive it!
I really hope that you and DP can use this time to create some new routines to share the childcare and to make sure that you all get enough rest and time for self-care that you need.
You’ve 100% done the right thing today, please don’t doubt that

I’d move your mum in with you, if she could take some of the childcare burden. Appreciate space is tight but if it improved everyone’s mental health then why not isolate together.

@Widowodiw you might have missed previous posts where OP explains her mum isn’t elderly or alone, lives with her partner and OP teenage siblings, who need her there no less than OP needs her mum

My mum really can't move in with me for longer than a night or two, we just simply do not have the space - we'd be completely on top of each other.

And she can't leave my brother who is only 16.

I am hoping maybe from monday we might at least be able to see non vulnerable relatives. praying we can

if I could only pop to my mums for an afternoon to let DS play in the garden it would be an immeasurable comfort

I would just do it anyway OP, I think that could definitely be classed as caring duties. You’re unwell and your Mum would be caring for you, by providing childcare while your son played in the garden. Lots of hand washing and keep your distance etc.

Glad you have been signed off OP. You need to focus on your MH. Your boss sounds like a right fanny - your currently unwell and need to be on sick leave.

Hope you manage to spend some time focusing on yourself.

I agree with @nerdimmunity. I appreciate you are having a hard time and your mental health is suffering, but you need to think of a solution to this, not just keep saying it isn't workable, because we don't have choice.

The fact is that many of us are facing exactly the same issues and I'm not saying this to beat you up. No one is finding it easy, despite what you may see on social media

But imo (and ime) you need to work out with your H when you can both do working hours. There are 2 of you, you can both take big chunks out of the day when you can focus on children and make arrangements with your bosses that you are not working. Like others with one working early and one late.

This isn't a competition - I am doing it alone and it's working ok. I wish I had another adult to even talk to, let alone share childcare with. It's relentless and stressful. Exhausting.

Use this 2 weeks to come up with a plan - a practical plan. Then go back to your boss wtih this plan. Even if it's that you both take some unpaid leave. There's no point dwelling on the fact we can't see relatives, the fact nurseries are closed etc. It's shit, but it's where we are.

Regarding the mortgage holiday, you just needed to ask for it. Go online and apply if they will still let you. You needed to fill up the paper and send it in the post.

It's wasn't dependant on your situation so no harm trying.

For goodness sake, under the circumstances go to your mum's and let your ds play.