I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

[Elmerrrrrrrr]

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

I'm pretty sure all banks have offered mortgage holidays.

Also look into paternity or maternity leave - pretty sure there is a law allowing parental leave up to age of 18? Not sure if it's paid though.

Try and get some sleep, too. I find looking after my toddler so much harder when I am not well slept.

Easier said than done, I know. But it’s my tuppence worth.

@zenday to be fair she probably didn’t anticipate this precise situation when she planned her family and living arrangements. Any more than the people who chose to put everything they had into businesses. If I had made better choices I would have left my job a year ago and invested all my money in Ppe manufacturers and toilet roll shares whilst relocating my entire family to new zealand. But I didn’t so here we are.

Sorry I meant that's not really true, as above

Don’t feed the troll. Especially when it clearly doesn’t want to engage its brain any further. Hopefully it’ll step on an upturned plug or something tomorrow.

Sorry, replying to a PP re ZenDay

OP, I feel for you, and others trying to wfh with a young child, this is really hard on working parents. You need some sick leave and/or mortgage holiday to ease the burden a bit.

But to those appealing to Boris to ease the lockdown, 77% in the most recent YouGov poll want lockdown to continue.

You are lacking in empathy it’s incredible @ZenDay

Honestly. Have you any clue at all?

OP I hear you. It’s shit. I know how it feels to be on call for meetings and have the kids at home.

I’ve had to get strict. I don’t check emails until the mornings if it’s my turn to cover the kids, then I don’t get sucked in. My boss knows the issue. If I act as if I can cover the day, then I will get pulled into emails and meetings. If i stay away then I don’t.

It feels crap but it has to be done.

Try and look after yourself. You can’t do it all, just take a day at a time.

I pity the people who have put everything they have into a business to see it ruined by this lockdown

That's me, @ZenDay

It doesn't stop me empathising with the OP, though. Our situations are not the same. But they are both crap.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/may/04/coronavirus-is-giving-us-a-glimpse-of-the-future-of-work-and-its-a-nightmare?CMP=fbgu&utmmmedium=Social&utmsource=Facebook#Echobox=1588668195

@JemimaShore 75% of Daily Telegraph readers want the lockdown to end immediately. I don't read the DT, but I agree with them. It just shows, though, that polls tell you very little. And in any case, what "the people" want - either way - is not the same as sensible government policy.

FWIW, I think most people only supported the lockdown because the government made such an (apparently) compelling case for it. I think they could quite easily be made to un-support it, given the right (emotive) rhetoric.

I could feel the stress coming from your post. So sorry you are going through this, as are many others too I suspect.

However, there is one thing.... I think you should approach your employer with a view to timing meetings for a set time each day or maybe for a full day per week, or some compromise. You are doing your best but employers must step up to the plate also.

It may be that the nature of your work does not really allow for this, I don't know, but look... everyone has to make sacrifices and the least your employer could do is cut a bit of slack and time things.

Other than that, I would take sick leave. You cannot be disciplined (I think..) if you have a disability. You need to either reach a compromise with employer or take time out. You will be of no use to your lovely child if you burn out.

Best of luck. I hope it works out for you somehow.

I'm so sorry OP - both for the situation you're in and that a few individuals have decided to come on here to kick you when you're down. It's not normal behaviour and it's not what any decent human being with an ounce of compassion or empathy would do.
Just wanted to send you some

I get it OP.

I'm on calls with people in differing times zones which makes my day incredibly long but allows some flex. How about you and DH have different lunches so that's 2 hrs of the day covered. One starts at 8-5 and the other 10-7, which is another 4 hours. So 6 hours with DC plus odd tea breaks plus some TV/whatever keeps them occupied. Second also block booking time in the calendar for calls.

My biggest tip would be when your on 'childcare duty' try to focus on DC and not on work but it's super hard! I found when I do that she's has quality interaction. Tough age and your days will be long. Drop any aspiration of tidying/cleaning much. Would personally take them out twice a day to tire them, once with you and once with DH.

Sympathies

I’m with you this Is totally mad. This lockdown needs to end before we consign a generation to mental illness

Cantata - YouGov polls are more reliable and balanced, while DT will be a particular demographic group of DT readers.

But I agree with you that public opinion should not necessarily dictate public policy though - although those in power need to be mindful of going firmly against the public, for obvious reasons.

People are scared of infections just going way up again as soon lockdown is eased/ if lockdown is eased too soon.

OP are you there?

I got payment holidays for two credit cards and a loan today. I got one for our mortgage two weeks ago.

You literally
-fill in a form that says name, address, phone number, mortgage account number/credit card number

• press I understand that you are simply delaying repaying by three months and that the payments in the future will be a tiny bit higher
• and press Send!

That is it - it is not like applying for a mortgage where they chew it all over. Everyone who applies for a payment holiday gets one, just liike that.

The only time you don't is if you are already missing payments to them.

Seriously you can do it on your phone while you watch TV and it will make you feel better!

The trouble is Boris is now under pressure as we have apparently the high test figures in Europe . And apparently he closed down too late , so what ever he does he is in a no win situation.

The uk however is one of the highest density populations and also we don’t know that we are comparing the recorded deaths in a like for like manner , but there is his pressure .

Personally I agree we need a phased return but protect the most vunerable . And that is not going to go down well either .

And the media have to back off with their constant predictions . It’s making things worse.

@farfallarocks

You would not be saying that if like me you have lost 4 members of your extended family . It’s brutal . Plus there are going to be long term health problems for a lot of people who survive .

Oh @Elmerrrrrrrr

I've hit the wall hard over the last 10 days. I have a 1yo and and 3yo and both DP and I are keyworkers, DP has been out of the house working 16 hour days 7 days a week for the last 7 weeks and is completely exhausted. I do 30 hours a week doing a role that involves responding to other people in crisis and it's not unusual to be on a call for 30mins plus trying to deal with sensitive and difficult issues.

My 1yo is teething, clingy and cries every time a get my laptop out. Clings to my legs screaming when I am on the phone. My 3yo is utterly bored and intent on destroying the house to express it. I feel guilty if I get cross because it's not their fault they are being kept prisoner. I feel guilty if I don't get cross because they will grow up feral.

I've actually started hallucinating I'm so stressed and tired. I've started having daily anxiety/ panic attacks and I'm tearful most days. If I happen to catch DP during the day if he comes back to the house for dinner or to make a call I just sob that I can't carry on like this, but there's not much he can do to solve any of it realistically.

People who meet me generally describe me as unflappable, tough, sensible, grounded etc. I don't have any history of MH issues.

But I'm struggling, really struggling and that's me. Mrs Unflappable. All credit to you OP. You are doing your best and that just has to be good enough for now.

Take whatever practical steps you can to be able to survive this. You will be able to do it, but it will be tremendously hard no matter what. Don't listen to the "I've got 62 kids in a bedsit - your life sounds like a breeze" idiots. This is fucking hard for so many people for so many reasons. I'm just trying to take it day by day and survive this. It will be better soon.

I'm in a fairly similar situation. I have a 2 year old, previously sectioned but recently separated.

I'm struggling to work from home.

I have good weeks and bad weeks. I don't know how good your employer is but I have been open and tried to get them to schedule meetings around nap time (we have a small department) I'm delegating more and I don't bust a gut trying to answer every phone call. If toddler is crying I can't pick up the phone to a client l.

I then catch up where possible after working hours. My hours are meant to be core and I am on standby 9-5 but I am not always working during those hours. I might even pick up a bit during the weekend to catch up.

Also my expectations have been lowered. There is much more screen time, more snacks and I have just made my peace with it.

I suspect nurseries will be some of the first to open but I'm not expecting mine to be in 5 days a week.

This is such bullshit. How much longer can they make our children live like caged animals. Let us see our parents.

This is such bullshit. How much longer can they make our children live like caged animals. Let us see our parents.

Would you still say that if one of your children or parents died? A year from now you won’t care about these few extra weeks, but death on the other hand is forever

Hi op I'm sorry you are having such an awful time. I'm a receptionist is a GP surgery you can still be seen by the GP if you rang this morning the reception can book you a telephone call this morning and if the GP needs to see you in person they can do this. The surgery are taking all precautions they can but are still seeing any patients that need to be seen. I think it's very important to seek medical help today. Mental health services are switching to video or phone slots have you heard anything regarding your therapy ? Would you consider being signed off and taking a mortgage holiday ? We have and just filled in the form online ( as far as I'm aware it's available to everyone ). I think you need to make your own risk assessment with your mum , you need her support right now and we are allowed to help vulnerable people and you are vulnerable right now. I think some nurseries/ childcare are open I know some people at work are using nurseries would it be worth while researching if any childminders / nurseries would take your little one ?