Badly explain your job

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

Because I think we all need a laugh at the moment! Inspired by a Twitter hashtag, explain your job (or an old one) and guess what other posters’ jobs were.

I use dangerous chemicals and fire around children.

@AthelstaneTheUnready
I tell large businesses they're being greedy bastards and to hand some of it back right now.
Tax collector?
Charity worker?

@Penguin40
I hoard old papers, arrange them into an order and occasionally let other people look at them.
Archivist?

@villainousbroodmare
I spend my days organizing the optimal timing of (ideally) a single annual shag for my darlings. It's important that my sleeves are closely fitted yet can be rolled to my shoulder.
Farmer?
Breeder?

@InkogKneeToe - do you work in suicide prevention / mental health crisis team?

Stud vet.

Yep, that’s me @Wauden

@HollowTalk
I try to frighten people, in particular women.
Doctor?

@villainousbroodmare I'm assuming that your name is ever so slightly a bit of a giveaway and that you do indeed work with villainous broodmares and/or their other halves. And I hope some are less villainous.

@InkogKneeToe not even a tiny bit close

bit of a cross post there

We get given problems that people want us to solve. There is never enough backing, motivation, time, money or people to get behind what really needs to be done. We try and solve the complicated problem with basic instruments. Everyone then piles in and criticises whatever we are doing particularly those whose sole purpose it to carp from the sidelines 😀

When we do actually achieve good things it is usually despite not because of the systems we try and work with

@LittleAndOften recruitment and/or CV advice?

@Wauden no, thriller writer!

I wait for people to leave their homes. Then I go in and touch all of their stuff and take some money.

@MajesticWhine yep, suicide intervention/negotiation

@HollowTalk

I tell people “ no sex, no exercise, no lifting, no straining, no sex toys, no suppositories, no tampons, no enemas. Nothing up there front or back for the next six weeks.”

@LunchBoxPolice I would love for you to be a nasty burglar, but I suspect that you're a lovely cleaner?

@LunchBoxPolice
I wait for people to leave their homes. Then I go in and touch all of their stuff and take some money.
Forensics? Finger print supremo?

@LunchBoxPolice cleaner?

I tell doctors and nurses to be quiet.

I also tell them how to find things, usually by pointing to a large sign which says 'How to find things'.

According to lots of people I get to sit and play all day instead of doing actual work

@aliasname medical librarian or receptionist?

Yes I am a cleaner

I tell Police Officers where to go

I watch mainly middle aged sweaty men snog rubber dolls