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Original poster

DD's first period, do I tell her dad?

170 replies

MillieMollieMandi · 05/04/2020 19:40

I'm really torn! DD said she didn't want to tell him as it's embarrassing but should I tell him?
I want to keep her secret but it also seems wrong to keep him in the dark about his DD's milestone.
I also want to give him a heads up re the bad moods, stomach aches etc and he can understand what's going on.
I'm not sure id like to be kept in the dark about my children but then it's really DD's private business and not mine to share. Would you tell?

OP posts:
EmAndes · 05/04/2020 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DartmoorChef · 05/04/2020 19:43

She's asked you not to say anything. You should respect her wishes.

PenguinBarnotBird · 05/04/2020 19:44

Absolutely tell him, just tell him not to let on he knows

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GetTheStartyParted · 05/04/2020 19:44

I wouldn't tell him as she has asked you not to. I would however encourage you to help her see that it's not embarrassing or something that needs to be a secret. It will make it easier for her.

TKAAHUARTG · 05/04/2020 19:46

Why would you need to tell him? It’s not a secret it is a non-issue. My DH buys tampax for her if she asks, but no one ever made it a big deal. You are making it too big a deal, your DD won’t trust you if you act like that.

lachy · 05/04/2020 19:51

Periods are not, and shouldn't be anything to be embarrassed about. Its a natural thing, so keep reassuring her that it's a change that women go through, and is part of growing up.

I'd think your DH is fully aware that this day would be coming, so it shouldn't come as a surprise but he's probably able to put two and two together.

I asked DH if he'd want to know when our DD starts her period...He said it would probably
be hard not to notice!

mbosnz · 05/04/2020 19:54

I think I'd be going on to explain why it could be very useful for him to know (you can put up with a whole lot more if you know the why, when it comes to moodiness and lower standards of behaviour), and also explaining that periods should not be perceived as something to be ashamed or embarassed about. As much as anything, she might need him picking up sanitary items one day!

Original poster
MillieMollieMandi · 05/04/2020 19:58

Oh yes I absolutely don't want her to be embarrassed at all. We've been quite lighthearted about it together.
Maybe I won't say anything yet and as she gets used to it she'll tell him, or just be not very subtle and he'll catch on!

OP posts:
hauntedvagina · 05/04/2020 20:00

I agree with @GetTheStartyParted , she should understand that it's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's completely natural.

In the early days, her cycle may well be erratic and she could find herself caught out when you're not there, it would be good for her to know she can talk to her dad openly about things.

MiniatureRed · 05/04/2020 20:09

I'd tell him and tell him to not let on he knows!

TheCanyon · 05/04/2020 20:10

I absolutely told my dds dad, she was 10 and she spends most weekends there every second month. They go swimming alot plus her heads up her arse so despite reminding her several times to pack pads she would forget. He had to know to have pads and spare pants at home and a bin in her room. I'm not sure he ever spoke to her about it, neither of them have mentioned it, but at least he's aware and knows what to do.

It's not some massive secret really is it? Shock horror, a female reaches puberty.

Duchessofblandings · 05/04/2020 20:10

It’s entirely her business and her decision who to talk to about it.

4amWitchingHour · 05/04/2020 20:17

I think you should respect her request, but also talk to her about how it could be really useful for her dad to know, and that he won't really give it a second thought - hopefully she'll feel more comfortable and start to be ok with being open about periods... try and change her mindset, rather than betraying her trust

Bluetrews25 · 05/04/2020 20:17

Please respect her wish for privacy.
How would you feel if you asked someone not to tell another person about a medical issue of yours and they told anyway, but the receiver of the information was asked not to let on that they know?
Flashbacks to me at 11 hearing my mum tell my gran on her weekly phone call....absolutely no need for gran to know, hideously embarrassing for me, it was my business, not my mum's to tell about.

RU562341 · 05/04/2020 20:20

Please respect her wishes.
Why would he need to know the exact date anyway?

HappyHammy · 05/04/2020 20:20

Dont betray her trust. Encouraging her to tell him when she feels ready would be kinder.

caperplips · 05/04/2020 20:21

i think it;s natural for girls to feel a bit shy about it all at first until they process it and get used to things. But it's also a bit sad for dad's not to be told too.

DD wasn't keen on telling dh. She didn't say don't tell him but she didn't want to say it herself. So I told him quietly and he never said a word to her. She was lying on her bed feeling a bit sorry for herself (she can be a bit dramatic) the next day and dh was out. When he came home he bought her some treats (chocolate) and a small bunch of supermarket flowers. He said he saw she was a bit down and it was to cheer her up - well she was thrilled! She's never had flowers in her room before.

Namechange4nowt45 · 05/04/2020 20:22

Jesus it's not your secret to tell! If my mum insisted on telling my dad I'd hate her guts its embarrassing enough, keep your big cake hole shut!

Needtheadvice · 05/04/2020 20:24

Work on talking with her that it is nothing to be secretive about as this is something we females go through in life and it is as normal as breathing. Encourage her to not have this secret and that there is some things not worth the angst that a secret can cause. He should be informed in all fairness, periods can be bad(painful, heavy flows. mood swings) and cause embarrassing situations, he may be very disappointed in finding out when he is unprepared and the stress this could cause your daughter. Have plenty of stories from the teenage years, mine and others, from stained white trousers due to unexpected timing to stuck tampons. The stuck tampon story has me cringe, gip and laugh in equal measures.

Hannah021 · 05/04/2020 20:24

Milestone what???? This is not an achievement. The poor thing asked for her privacy to be respected. Just do that and dont lose her trust the way we lost ours

SweetPetrichor · 05/04/2020 20:24

I'd tell him quietly. Your DD doesn't need to know you've told him but I think it's fair he's included.

FATEdestiny · 05/04/2020 20:36

Embarrassment around menstruation is a learnt behaviour.

Someone has taught her to be embarrassed about it. Don't be the one to perpetuate that mindset - it's very unhealthy.

Yes you make others in the house aware. But not in an "exciting news" kind of way. More of a matter of fact way.

Everyone in our house (sons and daughters) have never been shielded from my periods. Because there is nothing to be embarrassed about - which is the whole point. So when our eldest started her periods - I cheered, everyone else was of the "whatever" camp, but still was aware. Including younger brothers.

I find it odd (and concerning) that you would think this is any kind of "secret" or to perpetuate her feeling of it being something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

Rainbowunicat · 05/04/2020 20:38

If you trust him, I'd tell him but ask him not to let on.

Strawberrycreamsundae · 05/04/2020 20:38

Please don’t tell her father. My mother told just about everyone and I can still remember the embarrassment far too many years later.

DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 20:47

It's a natural thing not a secret and it should not be treated as such.
I would not encourage my children to keep secrets from their father (as long as he is a healthy influence in their life).

I have twin DDs who have just turned 13 and although the signs are there they have not yet started their periods. However as they live with dad 50% of the time I have always encouraged them to talk to him about such things and not to be embarrassed. He is very laid back and supportive so although I think they will be a little embarrassed to tell him they will because it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I would try and support your DD to see that her dad can be as supportive as you in this matter and him knowing is simply a matter of fact and they need not discuss it unless she wants to.

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