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Original poster

DD's first period, do I tell her dad?

170 replies

MillieMollieMandi · 05/04/2020 19:40

I'm really torn! DD said she didn't want to tell him as it's embarrassing but should I tell him?
I want to keep her secret but it also seems wrong to keep him in the dark about his DD's milestone.
I also want to give him a heads up re the bad moods, stomach aches etc and he can understand what's going on.
I'm not sure id like to be kept in the dark about my children but then it's really DD's private business and not mine to share. Would you tell?

OP posts:

Nellienamechanger · 05/04/2020 20:51

Ffs listen to her. My mum went and told my family when I’d just started my first period when I was sore and a bit scared, and I asked her not to. I walked into the room and they all stared at me. Trust GONE. I didn’t tell her about anything after that.

ouch321 · 05/04/2020 20:57

No - it is not your place to tell anyone unless she agrees to it.

stickman12 · 05/04/2020 20:59

Why on earth would a father need to know about his daughters period? You absolutely don't tell him, she's asked you not to and you respect that.

If you tell him and she finds out, she will loose a lot of respect for you. He doesn't need to know

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Spied · 05/04/2020 21:03

I'd not say anything and ruin her trust.
I wouldn't be be treating it as a milestone.
She's obviously feeling sensitive.
I'd arm her with all she needs ( info and practical) and treat her no differently.

OhTheRoses · 05/04/2020 21:04

If the relationship is such that he does't want him to be old then so be it. But how very sad.

DD was 10. DH is a shocking prude. We had cake and she got her ears pierced. When he blanched he was told to buck up.

ShowOfHands · 05/04/2020 21:05

My mother told EVERYBODY and I was v hurt. DD's started when she was on holiday with my BIL, her uncle. She had to tell him first. After that, her Dad was easy to tell! I'd let her tell him in her own time.

My DD came out to me a while ago and asked me not to tell her Dad and I haven't. He already knows of course, we both did but it's her story to tell.

Pickles89 · 05/04/2020 21:08

Why would you tell him when she's asked you not to? That's really ugly!

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 21:12

Why does he need to know? This isn't a learning moment where she needs to learn to not be embarrassed about her period blah blah blah. It's her own body and she wants to keep it private. She's barely got used to the idea herself and you're asking if you should tell her Dad. It's her own private business. Honestly I don't understand how this is even a question.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 21:14

I would not encourage my children to keep secrets from their father

Not even about her own body?! Really? I find that so odd. Her bodily functions are not a family discussion topic.

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/04/2020 21:15

How often does she see her Dad? assuming she has overnights then yes I would but I would also tell her you will tell her dad to ensure he has some towels there but will tell her you will ask her dad not to discuss it with her.

if you were all living togather it would be different.

TheSandman · 05/04/2020 21:17

I'm a dad with two daughters (15 and 17) It really helps keep things on an even keel that I know (roughly) when the three women in the house are likely to be... how shall I put it? a little more on edge. (And the synchronising thing appears to be a myth.)

Don't perpetuate the idea that menstruation is ONLY the concern of the women in the family. The men have to live with it too. Tampons towels and pads are on the shelves in our bathrooms, not hidden away. I'm not sure my 10 year old son really understands - or cares what they are but he's not going to be ashamed or embarrassed by them when he's older.

justanotherneighinparadise · 05/04/2020 21:18

I distinctly remember my mother telling my father that I’d started my period and I was extremely embarrassed and really hated her for it. So no, it’s nothing to do with him, let him find out in due time.

Shouldbedoing · 05/04/2020 21:20

I think a Dad who lives separately needs to know that their daughter has periods now, lest he organise days out or activities involving swimming without factoring in loo stops. Much harder for a young girl to pipe up in person. Just has to be a quiet heads up that by the way, please make allowances and keep some emergency supplies.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 21:24

Don't perpetuate the idea that menstruation is ONLY the concern of the women in the family.

With respect @TheSandman you don't menstruate and it's not for you to say men should know because they have to live with it too. It actually is ONLY the concern of the girl or woman involved until she decides otherwise.

Staypositivepeople · 05/04/2020 21:24

No
Not your body
Not your news

Wearywithteens · 05/04/2020 21:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

StarlightLady · 05/04/2020 21:31

Mum bought me a box of chocolates to celebrate when l started. Long time ago now. I suppose monopause is next on my agenda.

I think you should respect your daughter’s privacy to prevent trust issues further down the line such as first sexual friendship etc.

But I think you should emphasise to her that it may be a pain (literally) but it is something all women do and not a secret or something to be ashamed of.

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 05/04/2020 21:32

Did she say she didn't want to tell him or that she didn't want you to tell him? There's a big difference. Maybe you could ask her whether she would mind if you told him and asked him not to talk about it with her. He could then show her he appreciates her non-verbally in some way that's not OTT or just ignore it until needed, e.g. swimming, buying supplies etc.

diddl · 05/04/2020 21:33

"I want to keep her secret but it also seems wrong to keep him in the dark about his DD's milestone."

WTAF???

Jeez-give her chance to get used to it herself & then she'll probably tell him or give it away anyway.

crankyhousewife · 05/04/2020 21:34

If you don't respect her wish for privacy then it could be the last time she trusts you.

My daughter told me a pretty big thing but swore me to absolute secrecy. I kept her secret for years until she felt able to tell her dad. I wanted to tell him so that he could offer her support but she trusted me so telling him was not my place.

Womenwotlunch · 05/04/2020 21:35

She has asked you not to tell her dad so I would respect her wishes.
However, she shouldn’t be embarrassed about her period.
My dd1 was a bit shy, but not embarrassed. She was fine about her dad knowing
Dd2 couldn’t wait to tell everyone. She told her dad, my mother , my sister, her best friend and even informed her younger brother ( who was a bit bemused by the fuss)

TheSandman · 05/04/2020 21:37

It actually is ONLY the concern of the girl or woman involved until she decides otherwise.

Oh I would agree with you there. I wasn't saying (or trying to imply) the OP should make anything of it until the daughter was ok with it. I was just pointing out that living with with other people you can't help but be affected by their natural bodily functions. Male or female. My kids' and wife's periods affect me too - especially as I'm the stay at home parent and do all the fecking laundry.

And - I may be very unpopular for saying this - women smell different when they are having their periods. He's going to notice anyway.

Womenwotlunch · 05/04/2020 21:39

@TheSandman- you need to stop digging that hole

Doobigetta · 05/04/2020 21:40

Don't perpetuate the idea that menstruation is ONLY the concern of the women in the family.

Well, that would be the choice of the women in the family, wouldn’t it? Which you would I’m sure respect, rather than telling them they’re doing womaning wrong.

OP, please don’t take your daughter’s right to privacy away from her. She isn’t a little baby any more or an extension of you and her father. You need to let her decide who she tells about herself, and respect those decisions.

TheFairyCaravan · 05/04/2020 21:41

And - I may be very unpopular for saying this - women smell different when they are having their periods. He's going to notice anyway.

Wtaf? .

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