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Original poster

DD's first period, do I tell her dad?

170 replies

MillieMollieMandi · 05/04/2020 19:40

I'm really torn! DD said she didn't want to tell him as it's embarrassing but should I tell him?
I want to keep her secret but it also seems wrong to keep him in the dark about his DD's milestone.
I also want to give him a heads up re the bad moods, stomach aches etc and he can understand what's going on.
I'm not sure id like to be kept in the dark about my children but then it's really DD's private business and not mine to share. Would you tell?

OP posts:
DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 21:42

Not even about herownbody?! Really? I find that so odd. Her bodily functions are not a family discussion topic.

Why would she need to?
Since when have periods been a secret?
Nobody is saying they need to discuss this at the dinner table but dad knowing is simply factual should his daughter need anything buying or fetching.

I think it's odd that men are kept so in the dark by female bodily functions as if it's something to be ashamed of.

The conversation is pretty simple.
"DD has started her period. Bare that in mind when you do the shopping or if she needs some buying in an emergency"
End of discussion.

TSSDNCOP · 05/04/2020 21:45

Embarrassment around menstruation is a learnt behaviour.

Typically from mothers that consider the start a bloody milestone.

I shit you not when I say I have friends that've been banging in about this day since their DD were 2.

It is simply a physical change. Let her get used to it. Provide guidance and painkillers. Then when she's ready, let her decide who to tell.

Disclaimer: unless separate households are involved when I can see the need to replicate essential toiletries etc.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 21:56

Since when have periods been a secret?

Since she's decided hers should be!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Children's health Families General health
TheSandman · 05/04/2020 21:57

Well, that would be the choice of the women in the family, wouldn’t it? Which you would I’m sure respect, rather than telling them they’re doing womaning wrong.

Yes. Entirely their choice. I'm not telling them they're doing 'womaning wrong'. I'm just saying that when my daughter gets terrible cramps and feels like she's being kicked in the gut, and my wife gets short-tempered and crabby, and my older daughter starts stomping about and getting angry - which is what they do when they're pre-menstrual - it affects those around them. The rest of the family. The male members included. That's all. I'm not trying to pick a fight dig a hole or tell anyone how to run their lives.

All I'm saying is men who live with women aren't oblivious to the fact that women have periods. Don't pretend we not affected by them too. Because we are.

DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 22:08

Since she's decided hers should be!

But why?
It's a perfectly natural thing.
Her father will be very aware of periods and what that entails. Is child birth also a as a secret that should be kept from men? That is also a woman only experience and involves genitals and lood.

It's strange that some women have a very 1950s view of periods and actively encourage that same outdated stance in their daughters.

Each to their own. Both my DDs are comfortable in the knowledge that their father will be buying their sanitary products when needed. I have not encouraged them to shout it from the rooftops but he does the shopping so he needs to know what they need. It's just a fact of life.

LunaLula83 · 05/04/2020 22:09

No. Weirdo

maa1992 · 05/04/2020 22:10

Tell him, he needs to know for medical reasons and as you said, it's a heads up so he can prepare for what's to come and to support your daughter

RU562341 · 05/04/2020 22:13

Tell him, he needs to know for medical reasons

What medical reason is there for him to know? (genuine question)

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 22:15

Dolly you may justify it as much as you like but it was not your information to share just because you "tell him everything". You didn't give her the choice and prioritised your relationship with your husband because that's how you do things. It wasn't about you and how you want to manage her starting her period. I'll never agree that it was ok so you can keep justifying it if you like but I won't change my mind.

DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 22:21

Dollyyou may justify it as much as you like but it was not your information to share just because you "tell him everything"

Excuse me YgritteSnow I never said that. A different poster said that. Also my DDs have not started their periods yet as I pointed out in an earlier post.
I dont have a husband we separated 6 years ago.

Maybe you need to calm down a bit and check who you are quoting as you have clearly mixed me up with another poster who did say those things.

june2007 · 05/04/2020 22:23

Well I didn,t tell my dad. But at the same time it wasn,t a big secret. I wouldn,t say anything but if it comes up lie either.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 22:24

I apologise. I thought because you repeatedly aimed comments at me quoting points I had made about that post that it was you who had made it. It's a perfectly reasonable mistake to make. Maybe it's you who needs to calm down? You sound really irate about an easily made mistake.

DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 22:28

I thought because you repeatedly aimed comments at me quoting points I had made

Erm no that was because you were addressing me first!

Ha ha ha oh god you are one of those people. Makes a mistake cannot really own up to it so try to turn it back on the other person.

It's ok you have made yourself look foolish I have no hand in this game I shall leave you to your rantings Grin

Hannah021 · 05/04/2020 22:29

@DollyDoDo child birth is your business with your partner... You can share your business with whomever you want.

Your daughters' periods, is their business with the people around them. They can share whatever they want with whomever they want.

The comparison between these two is, pardon me, the stupidest argument i've read in a while.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 22:31

It's ok you have made yourself look foolish I have no hand in this game

I certainly don't feel foolish as it was a genuine mistake for which I apologised.

I shall leave you to your rantings

That would be lovely Smile

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/04/2020 22:33

@MillieMollieMandi - firstly, as your dd has asked you not to tell her father, you have to respect that.

But you can talk to her, and explain that it is nothing to be embarrassed about, and doesn’t have to be a secret.

YgritteSnow · 05/04/2020 22:34

I would not encourage my children to keep secrets from their father

This is what I initially addressed that you did say. I later mixed you up with another poster for which I apologised but you seem just furious about. I don't think my mistake was that huge. Given that the comments were so similar.

Just for clarity for anyone else who is reading Smile

DollyDoDo · 05/04/2020 22:35

The comparison between these two is, pardon me, the stupidest argument i've read in a while.

It was not so much a comparison between the two events more a comparison of attitudes towards the two events.
Men were once shielded from childbirth as well as periods.
Birth control was not discussed in front of men nor were the joys of birth.

It seems we have come on leaps and bounds in regards to discussing and even inviting men to participate in childbirth but some still hold the view that periods are a secret and should not be discussed with men.

I stupidly assumed posters would be able to see my point and not think I was comparing the events. He ho you live and learn.

TerrorWig · 05/04/2020 22:35

I think you should tell him, not as a ‘milestone’ conversation but as a ‘be aware’ conversation. It’s very easy with heavy periods (as mine were at that age) to leave blood stains on the toilet and not notice, or to drip on the floor or whatever. He should know, just so he doesn’t inadvertently embarrass or upset her.

I’ve told this before, I started at 11 and my mum promised she wouldn’t tell my dad. She then told him in front of me, and I was mortified.

It’s easy as an adult to say periods aren’t something to be embarrassed about, but young girls often are.

My mum also refused to have a bin in the bathroom. I was too embarrassed to talk to her about pads and stuff and for some reason she didn’t just buy a pack and leave them in my room. Honestly don’t know why, so weird when I think back!

Anyway, that’s what I think.

ZenDay · 05/04/2020 22:40

What the hell is wrong with you? It's up to your daughter who she wants to know about her periods. He doesn't need to be 'included'. Do you people share your son's first wet dream milestone as well?

justasking111 · 05/04/2020 22:40

This was a story on FB thread american I think earlier this evening, must be a lot of mums asking this question. Worded slighly differently though.

bullyingadvice2017 · 05/04/2020 22:45

Please don't make it a thing about telling her dad. My friends mum did that to her 20 years ago. I remember how upset it made her then. She to this day tells her mum very little as she knows not to trust her. She mentions the period thing regularly enough to know it affected her.

TheWordWomanIsTaken · 05/04/2020 22:56

I wouldn't tell him. She has asked you not to.
But my daughter also asked for her dad not to be told, and within a month was screaming at him to bring her a tampon from her room!!
He did the shopping so if she needed anything she would simply tell him.
It all became a complete non-issue.

TheWordmeister · 05/04/2020 22:59

I couldn't not tell her dad, tbh. She doesn't need to know.

loopykay · 05/04/2020 23:07

I remember over hearing my mom telling my neighbour that I had just started. I was so angry inside I didn't say anything but I was devastated that she would share something so personal that I had shared with her. That was 30 years ago and I can still see and hear it happening. I feel I'm back there. It did change things between us. It's up to your daughter who she tells if anyone. It's nice she felt she could talk to you, please don't destroy that. I'm sure her dad isn't actually to bothered about knowing.

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