DD's first period, do I tell her dad?

[MillieMollieMandi]

I'm really torn! DD said she didn't want to tell him as it's embarrassing but should I tell him?
I want to keep her secret but it also seems wrong to keep him in the dark about his DD's milestone.
I also want to give him a heads up re the bad moods, stomach aches etc and he can understand what's going on.
I'm not sure id like to be kept in the dark about my children but then it's really DD's private business and not mine to share. Would you tell?

Well it would be a good way to show her you can’t hold your own piss when she confides in you and wants to keep her own privacy.

What do you think he is going to say? ‘Woooooop! Her period milestone - omg better put her in the pill, nudge nudge’

I’m cringing at the thought of you excitedly telling him...

DD didn't want me to tell her father. I explained why he had to know (exH) and she agreed but asked me to say she didn't want to talk about it.

It seems we have come on leaps and bounds in regards to discussing and even inviting men to participate in childbirth but some still hold the view that periods are a secret and should not be discussed with men

Well considering dh buys mine and will be doing so for the dds - that’s not the issue.

The issue is a young teenage girl who will be trying to get her head around the situation, embarrassed about everything, has asked for privacy.

I’m shocked that some posters don’t think this girl should be afforded any privacy especially when it’s concerning her own body. She doesn’t want it to be her dads business so it shouldn’t be.

Where’s the bloody trust ?

SoupDragon

Why would he have to know?

Why would he have to know?

In case she had it when at his house.

soup so she would be incapable of taking plenty of supplies, paracetamol and making a hot water bottle? She would have been incapable of telling her dad she had stomach cramps of he asked her what was up with her?

You had no business forcing her to tell him. She told you she didn’t want to talk about it.

Honestly I’m shocked that some mothers here still wouldn’t afford there own teenage daughters the right to choose what people know about their own bodies

Overbearing and controlling

You had no business forcing her to tell him.

Good job I didn't then. Do stop making stuff up.

I explained to her, she agreed with the reasons and I sent a text saying "DD has started her periods. She doesn't want to talk about it".

Overbearing and controlling

Don't be ridiculous.

Did you actually read what I typed?

She's asked you not to tell. So don't tell.

Soup Ok you had no business telling him something she wanted to keep private. You You text and told him. She didn’t want him to know. You you told him/text him anyway.

Why does what happens with a girls body have to be public knowledge? Why can’t she keep that information to herself until she is ready with no pressure of anyone else

Your comprehension skills are astoundingly poor. Which part of "I explained why he had to know (exH) and she agreed but asked me to say she didn't want to talk about it." do you take to mean I forced her? Do you understand what "she agreed" means?

I despair.

I have an excellent relationship with my daughter.

But why?
It's a perfectly natural thing.

So are wet dreams. Doesn't mean everyone in the household needs to know when a boy has his first, or any time thereafter for that matter.

If he guesses and asks her/tells her it will make her embarrassment far far worse. I would tell him and tell him to not let on that he knows until she’s ready to tell him.

It's her body and she should decide who knows. My mum was also one of those mums who happily told people because periods are nothing to be ashamed of. Of course they're not but it didn't mean I wasn't embarrassed when I was 12.

We should be teaching our children that they have the right to privacy around their body.

seems we have come on leaps and bounds in regards to discussing and even inviting men to participate in childbirth but some still hold the view that periods are a secret and should not be discussed with men.

Your kidding, right?

Periods are not a secretes. Discussing them is fine. If the person CHOOSES to do so. If they choose not to, that's fine too.

No! This happened to me. I was desperately shy and asked my Mum not to tell my Dad - she did and 43 years later I still remember ( and I am a very forgiving sort)

Millie, if your daughter doesn't want you to tell her dad, don't tell him. It's her business and you must respect her privacy. He'll realise she's reached puberty soon enough without having it spelled out to him.

@Summersunandoranges so she would be incapable of taking plenty of supplies, paracetamol and making a hot water bottle? My DSD was uncapable of moving when her periods started! Not everyone can function at all when their periods are ongoing, and no one knows how much it can affect one person to the next. She had to be honest, we were told discretely when she got hers and only ever talked about it when she brought the subject up herself. If she never talked about it then we would not have talked about it. The fact is, because we knew, her threshold to talk to us about these matters was much lower and she was able to get help from us when she needed it.

If she asked you not too you should respect her choice.

I think it’s odd you see this as a milestone to be shared. It’s a bit creepy

I wish people wouldn’t keep suggesting that wanting privacy about such a thing means that the girl must think it’s something to be ashamed of.
The two things are not the same.

Are they doing that though MOTHER? It was the OP that said it was a secret and embarassing? Other posters are merely pointing out that it may not be the best mindset for a young girl to be taught.

Talk to her and say that he should know for a variety of reasons.

She will be moody and maybe get spots he may comment on. He may find blood in the washing basket if she leaked and gets worried what’s going on. He may find used pads in the bin and if he knows that you are not on your period it will come out anyway.

DH knows always as Dd wears period pants and they are rinsed in the bathroom until I wash them. He then knows not to eat the chocolate in the house.

I would avoid anything like “Milestone”. It is a normal body function and should be treated as such.

You can bet with her that he is more embarrassed than she is about it.

He may find blood in the washing basket if she leaked and gets worried what’s going on
In what world would this happen?

When DD started I told her we needed to let her dad know and she agreed.

We had as a household and then two households always been open about periods, I agree embarrassment around periods is learned behaviour.

My mum told everyone, phoned all her fucking sisters, my grandparents, the lot. I hated that. Don't make a big deal of this, respect her privacy. Her father has no need to know.