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Original poster

Friends offer. To stay in their secluded large country home,leaving tomorrow. Help.

205 replies

RubyViolet · 24/03/2020 23:42

Husband just though cancer treatment. Declared cancer free only 1 month ago. Although he has to be tested every 3 months for foreseeable. Totally stressed.
Wonderful friends of 20 years offering us indefinite stay with them in their large country home. They are self isolated 7 days. We are self isolated 10 days.
It’s an hour from our place in central London, l am getting so anxious about my husband and getting shopping. They have acres and acres. Not far from major shopping towns in the county but isolated.
What do we need to consider. What is your advice. Leaving early tomorrow. Should we ?

OP posts:
salutationstou · 25/03/2020 07:16

Stay home.

No unnecessary travel.

And.....

Dozer · 25/03/2020 07:21

You say that if you or your H needed hospital it’d be the same one he’s recently been treated in: that seems very unlikely when your friends are an hour’s drive out of London.

Mayra1367 · 25/03/2020 07:25

Follow the advice stay home . If you or your husband get ill you will be taking up other areas valuable resources.

SarahMused · 25/03/2020 07:30

Personally, I would go. Whilst people are still being encouraged to work, go out and exercise, buy food and schools are partially open the amount of added risk of you getting in a car and being driven to your friends is all but nothing. You are getting out of London where covid is spreading rapidly and your husband is at risk, to be honest it is a no brainer. No emergency laws passed yet either, just advice. Go and isolate yourself in your friends until you are sure that you are not infected and then you will be an individual household and can safely mix if you want. They were encouraging non living together people having relationships to decide where to live during the lockdown yesterday, this is no dufferent. Good luck.

Cupcakegirl13 · 25/03/2020 07:31

As lovely as it sounds it is now not allowed , no one is exempt from the rules.

youcantellthem · 25/03/2020 07:32

Hi OP
The rules are clear but I do understand having spoken to people who live in London just how dire it is there. I spoke to a relative there yesterday and she was beside herself at how quickly her local area has just disintegrated, the only shop in close proximity has been ransacked and she lives in a flat with 3 young children.

Clearly it's upto you whether you choose to go or not, I personally wouldn't take the risk with your husbands health as it is, but if you do could you consider taking a black cab there? The fact is your friends shouldn't be travelling to come and collect you and will likely stop at a petrol station at some point on the journey, increasing the risk.

Many black cab companies have been advertising lately that they have a plastic partition (so no contact) and take payment by card. I took a screenshot online of one should you need.

JudyCoolibar · 25/03/2020 07:33

Do you have any reason to believe that your own home isn't safe?

MarshaBradyo · 25/03/2020 07:33

Youcant don’t take the experience of one friend as a blanket statement for London.

Carrie7469 · 25/03/2020 07:34

You really shouldn’t be going. Stay at home and stay safe. Maybe have it in mind as something to look forward to when the travel restrictions are lifted

Crunchymum · 25/03/2020 07:34

How long have you been isolating? How long have your friends?

And have they really and truly been isolating?

Getting in a car with them is at the very least doubling your chances of getting ill, when at the moment you are relatively risk free.

We have been asked to stay where we are for a reason.

You are not exempt @RubyViolet and given your DH health, I'm aghast you think this is acceptable.

Every other thread on here before lock down seemed to have a reason why peole think the rules didn't apply to them and even in lockdown, people are still so bloody entitled.

Stay at home.

Soontobe60 · 25/03/2020 07:35

It's very very clear, you should be staying AT HOME for at least 12 weeks due to the recent cancer treatment. I'm really angry at the number of people on here who say they would do it too, and are encouraging you to go.
What if your DH needs to see his GP?
What if he runs out of his meds?
What if the host mops to the shop, comes into contact with an infected person and infects you and DH?
What if the police stop you on the way and make you return home because you are making a non essential journey (which theybstarted doing in my town yesterday)
What if you just do as you have been told?

If everyone did as you're planning to do, this pandemic would escalate. We all have to do our bit.

youcantellthem · 25/03/2020 07:43

@Marsha *relative not friend. My DH also works in London and he also has family who live and work in London who have said the same. I was just using one specific example to empathise with OP.

MarshaBradyo · 25/03/2020 07:47

You I’m here and know loads and don’t recognise what you say. I’m safer staying at home.

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 25/03/2020 07:48

No! The rules are to stay in your own home!

flowery · 25/03/2020 07:49

”Whilst people are still being encouraged to work, go out and exercise, buy food”

People aren’t being “encouraged” to do any of those things. People are allowed to go out to work only if they absolutely have to. People are allowed out once a day for a walk/run/other exercise. People are allowed to go and get essential food and supplies as infrequently as possible. The idea is only to go out if absolutely essential, which this is not.

scubadive · 25/03/2020 07:49

Hi op,

My main concern would be getting food deliveries, if their place is so remote, are they easily able to get food deliveries. Are they classed as vulnerable ? If they need to go to the shops then they would put you at risk.

If you stay at home, you would qualify for priority delivery.

Although I imagine the thought of recuperating in nice surroundings might sound appealing .i think staying in someone else home for this length of time could actually be stressful. It’s at least 3 weeks but likely to be far longer and if travel is banned you would be stuck.

If you stay at home then you have chance to do all those little jobs that you never get chance to and take the time to organise your life and home in a way you won’t at your home.

That said, it depends where you live. You say London, do you live in a detached house. If not and especially if you live in a flat then I would go.
Not enough is known yet about how the virus spreads but it is telling that it was spread a lot in Italy and Spain in places where lots of people live very closely together in apartments.

Finally there is the point that they should have isolated for 14 days nit 7 if there is 2 of them as the virus can transfer without symptoms and they could still be carrying.

Sorry no easy answer which I guess is why you posted.

Ignore all the nasty posts here, one journey in a private car is not going to spread the virus.

diddl · 25/03/2020 07:52

Good grief Op-you can't even get yourselves there without public transport or being in a car with your friends.

Of course you can't go.

You are on lockdown-stay at YOUR OWN home!

Actionhasmagic · 25/03/2020 07:53

Yes I would go

reaslimshady · 25/03/2020 07:56

Please don't go.
The safest place for you to be is your own home.
A change of environment for your husband isn't wise, you can't say for sure where your friends have been for the last 2 weeks, if they are carriers.
You know exactly where you and your husband have been.
Stay safe and stay home Thanks

WatcherintheRye · 25/03/2020 07:57

We're not sheep. Of course there are rules which must be adhered to, but the purpose of the rules must not be forgotten. They are there to stop unnecessary contact with other people which might spread the disease. As others have pointed out, how is travelling in your own car to a remote location out of the epicentre, where you can absolutely keep your distance from anyone else around, more likely to spread the disease than having to go shopping in London?

The op and dh, and the friends have isolated for a number of days with no symptoms between them. The op's dh is far more likely to pick up the disease where he is, with op having to go in and out for shopping. He is a high risk category. He will then be taking up one of the few ICU beds in London, if there is one left.
Go, op, go. I think it's the most sensible decision all round, for your dh and for the greater good.

Helloitsmemargaret · 25/03/2020 07:59

@26TKAAHUARTG because they have to get food shopping in.

In London it is crowded and the virus is several weeks ahead of the countryside.

In London people are crowding on to tubes.

In London construction workers, and key workers are still travelling in.

In the countryside people are generally observing the 2m rule.

That's why.

It doesn't mean they should go. It just explains why they might want to.

Please have a read back at your post and see whether your tone and language is really appropriate.

tegucigalpa13 · 25/03/2020 08:00

Can you get advice from your DH’s oncologist, OP.

Likely to be better informed and more helpful than Mumsnet.

So sorry you are facing this additional stress at what is already a challenging time for you.

MrsJoshNavidi · 25/03/2020 08:01

*Think of everyone else too. Obey the rules. Stay at home.

It's not difficult.*

SpeckledyHen · 25/03/2020 08:03

RTFT - THE OP HAS SAID THEY ARE STAYING AT HOME .

TKAAHUARTG · 25/03/2020 08:04

No Helloitsmemargaret my tone is ok. You are suggesting that others do not understand what it is like to have vulnerable people in their family. Your whole post is selfish and ill-informed. Your selfish attitude may be why this goes on for much longer than originally planned.