Friends offer. To stay in their secluded large country home,leaving tomorrow. Help.

[RubyViolet]

Husband just though cancer treatment. Declared cancer free only 1 month ago. Although he has to be tested every 3 months for foreseeable. Totally stressed.
Wonderful friends of 20 years offering us indefinite stay with them in their large country home. They are self isolated 7 days. We are self isolated 10 days.
It’s an hour from our place in central London, l am getting so anxious about my husband and getting shopping. They have acres and acres. Not far from major shopping towns in the county but isolated.
What do we need to consider. What is your advice. Leaving early tomorrow. Should we ?

Stay at home.

I understand that in your circumstances friends are trying to be kind.

However as much as you suggest you can isolate at their home it won't happen.

From the minute you knock the door, put your hand on the door knob, hang your coat and touch a wall you are at risk.

Far more risk than being at home.

If your DH is unwell 50 minutes to his cancer hospital is going to seem like a lifetime- that's assuming you could get one.

If you called an ambulance you are taking 3hrs plus round trip of their capacity from other patients.

Stay at home.

I think it was a very reasonable question OP. I think what might give me pause is how much you can trust them to be and to have been meticulous, to the level you'd want to be to protect your husband. Whether four is mor eof a risk than two etc..

But whatever you decide wish you and your DH the best.

Hi OP I think you should go. Sounds wonderful and peaceful. Safe journey x

The last 2 years of my life have been spent being with my husband through his cancer treatment.

It would be a terrible shame to have come so far, only for your husband to catch the virus and jeopardise his recovery. Stay home for the time. If your friends are as kind and hospitable as you say, I’m sure they’ll have you to stay when the restrictions ease and both households have been in isolation long enough to protect your husband.

I really sympathise with your predicament OP and I think some of the harsher responses are probably from people who haven't taken a few seconds to imagine what life must have been like for you feeling your husbands life was in danger for so long, finally getting the all clear and now finding yourself here.
I can understand the desire to run away from it but you have no guarantees that where you are running will be any safer. What about if your friends start going out of the house in a way you feel is risky - do you feel comfortably saying to them? Do you feel like you have to avoid them in their own house? How long do you think this might go on for and are you comfortable to stay with them for 3,4, 5 months?
What if your husband becomes acutely unwell, would an ambulance take him to his regular hospital where there are experts in his treatment or might you end up somewhere else?
I think you should stay at home. The official guidance is to stay at home. YANBU to consider an alternative.

Five are you serious?

Taking a vulnerable person away from the medical centre that understands their condition to a place that may not be sterile just because it's peaceful?

Not thinking about the recourses it would take to bring them back if they became ill and the potential cost of other lives?

FFS

How many times must it be said - stay at home?

I would go tbh. In your circumstances it sounds safer than staying put. And I'd wager most here would put their own loved ones first despite what they say.

To be fair to OP it is a lot more of a valid reason for wanting to than just being young and healthy and wanting to protect yourself. I wouldn't though OP, if they had offered a week or so ago then maybe, but stay home.

What if you fall out? How will you get home? You don't drive and taxi's many not be operating.

Wow people are stupid and heartless.

Of course you should go OP. Your husband had cancer. Can he even isolate from you if you catch the virus?

Stay isolated from them for further 7 days.

Good luck to everyone.

Its a lot to risk.

It is terribly hard on you, OP, but you really should not go.

*If your husband needs a hospital appointment or emergency treatment he may not be able to return to London- extremely unlikely that an ambulance could be freed to take him during a pandemic, and equally unlikely that a car would be allowed to go

*If you travel down there with them you risk infection on the way- at a petrol station, if the car breaks down, travelling in the same car as at least one of your friends (and as others have said, being symptomless is not enough with this one)

*Once you are there you will be stuck there- could be months, could be more. You won't be able to change your minds, nor will your friends.

*You will be putting more strain on hospital resources.

Very sorry for you and hope you will be ok.

Yes I would go op,
You are only an hour away so hardly remote.
It seems like a good place to go just make sure your friends understand that you cannot have visitors at all xxx

I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to be mixing with anyone right now. You can spread this infection when asymptotic. How do you know you haven't already got it? I think they are being daft asking you.

Can the thread bullies who can only YELL ABUSE in CAPSLOCK give it a rest? No one can ask questions anymore because you all descend like bloody vultures, desperate to be as insulting as possible.

COVID-19 does NOT give you the right to call people names and be generally vile. It is NOT a pass to being a bullying arsehole.

Try to be a little civilized, for God's sake.

You are getting your arse handed to you OP, and I'm really sorry. My brother is at roughly the same point in his cancer treatment and I would do anything to protect him. (Unfortunately he isn't trying to protect himself which is a whole other thread...).

You can't go - not because of the rules or the vitriol. But because any one of you could be carrying the virus. If all four of you were 14 days into proper isolation then it would be a different story and I'd be the first one saying sod the rules. But you aren't. So you have to stay home.

Seriously, my sister is a ward sister in Birmingham and the hospitals are already fucked.

If you get Covid and need ICU in 2 weeks you’re probably not going to survive. That’s from the frontline.

So yes, people will be harsh. Because even if you survive you’re potentially killing hundreds of others by not adhering to lockdown.

It’s not hard!! JUST STAY AT HOME

With 7 and 10 days. What happens if you get in the car, head off and one of you starts coughing? Just stay put.

If I was in your situation, I would go. Doesn’t make it the right thing to do but I can see why you’d want to.

If you are in doubt about this visit, perhaps phone Boris,and ask him to excuse you from staying home, who know's what he will say. !

I feel for you and your husband OP but it's not safe to go so please don't. And if you decide you will anyway, be prepared to lose friends. Mumsnet is full of threads with people saying their opinions have changed forever about people they have considered friends for years but no longer do. If you;re safe where you are then stay where you are.

I would say stay in your own home. How far away is the hospital your husband attends from your house? I have a number of health issues and have been in the A & E of our nearest hospital 4 times in the last 3 weeks or so. The first time I was admitted there were no cases of Covid 19 in the hospital. By the 4th admission the front part of the A & E was full of suspected virus patients. I was in the 'safer part' if you could call it that, where they had people who weren't coughing, and I am now trying to get a private Consultation to get a Doctor to cure me, which I will have to pay for, in the hopes of avoiding the A & E. I have been referred to the public clinic but reckon it will be months if not years before they see me! In your husbands hospital they will know his medical history. Presumably they also have a large ICU staffed by specialist staff? I know where I would feel safer. Plus it is an unnecessary journey.

I actually can't believe the amount of people on this thread who are advising you to "just go". Are people still not getting the message about staying at home?
Op, you've described your circumstances, and it sounds truly awful. I really do genuinely feel for you.
However, you also say you are "central Londoners", so I plead with you to stay at home. That's what the lockdown is about, people staying home to avoid the spread of this horrendous virus.
I'm up North, in the Yorkshire Dales, and I'm going to say it - even though I may well be flamed. Central Londoner or not, you must stay home. We in Yorkshire will welcome anyone at any other time, but please don't bring your selves here. We have far fewer resources here than you do in London, so please don't add to our pressures here.

We need every single ICU bed we've got, so please stay in London, and leave what little we've got here for the locals.
In future, once this is all over, we would welcome a campaign from Londoners, to try to share and redistribute the country's wealth and healthcare. But, please, in the meantime, leave what little we've got to us.