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Original poster

Friends offer. To stay in their secluded large country home,leaving tomorrow. Help.

205 replies

RubyViolet · 24/03/2020 23:42

Husband just though cancer treatment. Declared cancer free only 1 month ago. Although he has to be tested every 3 months for foreseeable. Totally stressed.
Wonderful friends of 20 years offering us indefinite stay with them in their large country home. They are self isolated 7 days. We are self isolated 10 days.
It’s an hour from our place in central London, l am getting so anxious about my husband and getting shopping. They have acres and acres. Not far from major shopping towns in the county but isolated.
What do we need to consider. What is your advice. Leaving early tomorrow. Should we ?

OP posts:
Hollyhobbi · 25/03/2020 01:50

Sorry. Meant to say I'm in Ireland where we shut the schools, childcare facilities and colleges and pubs weeks ago. And we are testing everyone who has symptoms unlike the UK where only people admitted to hospital are being tested. This virus is very much in the community and is being spread in the community now. You need to treat everyone as a potential carrier. And therein lies the problem with a lot of people having no symptoms at all ever, or being out and about before getting symptoms in a few days or a few weeks.

ARoseInHarlem · 25/03/2020 02:16

OP. I’m in a country that’s about two weeks ahead of where the UK is. Full lockdown. The gravity of the situation STILL hasn’t hit me properly.

Don’t go.

The benefits: a break, a change of scenery, out of densely populated Central London. All nice to have things when life is normal. Life isn’t normal.

The cons: far from your DH’s doctors, no independent transport (so if your DH or you are admitted the other is left behind, not that you’d be allowed to visit anyway), in someone else’s home and at their mercy, not as much privacy as you think you’ll have, unknown food and necessities availability, draining lesser resources, and YOU ARE A VECTOR. THINK OF OTHERS.

Please, please, please stay at home. It DOES happen to people like you. Sadly, you know this already. Stay at home. Don’t go. The friends and house will be there 6 months from now, and hopefully your DH will be cancer free 6 months from now. You can go and stay for a while. But not now. Things in the UK are going to get unimaginably scary. Home is where you and those in your vicinity are safest. You won’t regret it.

Don’t go.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 25/03/2020 02:21

I can see why you'd want to, OP, but am v glad you've made the decision not to.

This is all so hard and horrible for everyone.

Womaninred · 25/03/2020 02:53

Cancer and 12 weeks at home and you get this offer? Go. Stay separate. You can’t do that in car though so be careful. You’ll be relying on the, doing shopping

Stoptheworld99 · 25/03/2020 03:19

Basically.... You're asking our permission to break the law??

flossyflorenceflounces · 25/03/2020 03:29

The right thing to do is follow the rules. The decision has been made for you so there is nothing for you to decide.

PieceOfMaria · 25/03/2020 03:34

I’d go in a shot.

DetroitLake · 25/03/2020 03:58

I'd go too, but isolate and not go out and about.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 25/03/2020 04:05

This is not allowed.

Leflic · 25/03/2020 04:13

How would moving into the middle of nowhere with no car be less stressful?
How is moving in with another couple less stressful?
Why not stay with them after lockdown as something to look forward to.

The instruction is to Stay Home so frankly it matters not where you are as you’re supposed to be inside.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 25/03/2020 04:13

Regardless of allowed or not, you are moving away from a hospital which has your medical records. To one which is in a rural location and is begging people don’t visit as they can’t cope with second homers/holidaymakers. Stay home for the good of you and everyone else. If you follow isolation properly you’ll be at no more risk than anywhere else

Angelw · 25/03/2020 04:52

Are you not putting your husband at risk, with his cancer treatment he falls in the high risk group. Why do you want to go?

Peppafrig · 25/03/2020 05:27

Even being in their car puts him at risk stay at home. Plus the rules apply to everyone .

Barbararara · 25/03/2020 05:36

It sounds like you’ve had a very tough time over the last few years and I can absolutely understand your impulse to get away.

My advice is to consider access to hospitals and treatment, both in terms of the speed of getting there and the number of beds available. To put it bluntly you need to be somewhere that a man with cancer even has a chance of getting a ventilator.

The second consideration is shopping. Will you be able to get shopping delivered? If someone has to go out for groceries it opens up a risk. Can you get shopping delivered where you are?

Is your husband capable of looking after you if you get ill? What other support have you available to you?

I know the country feels more isolated, and safer, but depending how well you lock down you could be as safe and safer where you are.

Wishing you the best with your decision.

Mawbags · 25/03/2020 05:53

Essential travel = your husband’s medical treatment not undergoing isolation in fancy surroundings

I have to say... it killed me to cancel the plumber who was supposed to fix my leaking bath tomorrow so I have to do this shit without even a hot bath. I know it’s hard to make the right call when you just want some comfort!

Hollyhead · 25/03/2020 05:53

I might consider it given the information you've given. 50 mins from Central London isn't the kind of rural area that people are being warned to stay away from. I personally would ask if they could self isolate for a few more days before collecting you.

Figgygal · 25/03/2020 05:58

Stay home
The last few days it’s been constant messages about essential travel, not travelling to second homes which despite it not being your home is essentially what you’re doing

It’s clearly a no!!!

Planetzog · 25/03/2020 06:06

I wouldn't go for two reasons. They may have the virus and be asymptomatic. Secondly, there's quite a high chance you will fall out with them. Even if you don't fall out, it's likely your relationship with them will come under strain. Living with others outside your family isn't easy. I think it's a recipe for disaster. Staying at home will be safer for everyone, and less stressful. Good luck x

SnowsInWater · 25/03/2020 06:07

As someone who has been "cancer free" for less than six months I really feel for you. Personally I am more stressed out about the possibility of my cancer recurring (which is quite likely because of type) while the hospitals are so overwhelmed than I am about contracting Covid-19 so being close to my medical team would be my main priority but I can see how tempting it would be to get away from it all. Good luck whatever you decide x

TKAAHUARTG · 25/03/2020 06:12

I think some of the harsher responses are probably from people who haven't taken a few seconds to imagine what life must have been like for you feeling your husbands life was in danger for so long, finally getting the all clear and now finding yourself here. oh no casmama don't even go there. Maybe some of the responses are from people who can't even imagine being in the fortunate position of the OP because their loved ones are still very much in terrible danger. Your post is very insensitive.

Blubelle7 · 25/03/2020 06:14

Some responses are so aggressive and over the top

Maybe because your friends may be a symptomatic carriers putting your husband in even more risk

Maybe because we have clearly wbeen asked to stay at home to protect those at risk and the NHS

Maybe because each person passes this on to on average 3 people and within 10 iterations this could be up to 59 000 people, but staying at home reduces this by 95%

Maybe because the advice is for EVERYONE to follow and finding exceptions and reasons why it does not apply to you is selfish and putting others lives at risk. You could catch it on your way there.

STAY AT HOME-it is very SIMPLE

Helloitsmemargaret · 25/03/2020 06:16

January - #BeKind

March - Mumsnetters shouting at someone because they are trying to keep their OH who is extremely vulnerable safe.

OP take care of yourselves, it's not wrong to have been tempted and it's really kind of your friends to have offered. But for this to work everyone has to follow the rules.

HelgaHere1 · 25/03/2020 06:16

I stay in the countryside and can avoid everyone but unfortunately still have to go food shopping.
Your friends will have to too, will they be as cautious as you are about contact with others? Maybe not.
Better stay home where you have control.

whattodo2019 · 25/03/2020 06:20

Yes go!!!!!
London is going to get so much worse x

LolaSmiles · 25/03/2020 06:21

Whilst some of these posts have been harsh, the principle is correct.

Stay at home.

What's telling on MN is just how many people are willing to tell others to ignore the new rules because it'll be nice to do... It won't harm anyone... Nobody can stop you...
This is exactly why we've had to have stricter measures because some people are more concerned with their preferences than slowing the speed of virus spread to save lives.