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Original poster

DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

260 replies

ElderAve · 07/03/2020 07:20

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

OP posts:
1forsorrow · 07/03/2020 14:19

I don't think it really matters who earned what when the point is the man is looking for a way out of work + commute being exhausting. Has he explored part time in his current job, another job closer to home but better paid? Maybe this job is the right thing and I think you should support his decision. If you want more time together retirement isn't the only option, working 30 hrs a week plus term time only does give you more time together and a better work/life balance. Maybe him working longer in the new role will be fine. Maybe if he continues in this role he won't actually make it to the early retirement date.

I think you need to do the figures properly, once tax, NI, pension and commute come off you will have the actual figure he is losing and a better basis for making a decision.

alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:25

I don't think you need to do the figures at all.
If someone with his level of inexperience really has been offered a job working with troubled youth then I would be very very wary.
Youth services have been decimated by cuts. There are a lot of very experienced workers around looking for jobs like this working with troubled youth. And term time only would be even more attractive to some.
Having your own kids and volunteering a few hours a week in a general youth club activity is virtually no experience. Most people in this area of work will either be qualified youth workers, or have masses of experience. Most employers would not look twice at your DH for a job.
So if he really has been offered a job, it will be a shit job that no one else will touch.
And if he really thinks working with troubled youth is a gentler life, then he is not cut out for this work. Doing work in a high pressured office environment is way less stressful than working with very troubled young people well.

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 14:31

JinglingHellsBells all our recent financial (and other) planning has been around us both retiring in c. 5 years' time. To do that we need to save a substantial part of our current joint income, which is easily achievable now as we live well within our means. This plan mostly came about because we both acknowledge DH can't do his current job forever.

No, I'm not materialistic at. DH is much more of a spender than I am but I've kept him under control (joke!) and the fact that we haven't increased our lifestyle to spend all our current income has put us in a position where these kinds of choices are possible.

If he takes the pay cut, we won't be able to save to facilitate the early retirement. I have good pensions I could take early but he doesn't. So I could still retire early but he'd have to continue working. I don't want that for him or for me.

No, he won't work more hours pw but he will work many more years before retirement. I'm just thinking out loud/looking for a discussion on the pros and cons.

I think there's quite a risk that the new life won't be as stress free as he thinks, although it will be nice to have him at home more and it's got to be better for him not to be getting up so early. He's more concerned about the financial sacrifice (he does like a nice car, for example)

OP posts:

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alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:33

@elderave You keep ignoring my posts asking if he has actually been offered this job?

FourDecades · 07/03/2020 14:34

As the early start and long commute is the problem, could he find accommodation closer to work for a couple of nights a week?

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 14:37

No he hasn't been offered the job. I know the organisation well through my work. The job is a stable one, not reliant on uncertain funding but very low paid and therefore difficult to fill. People doing it don't work longer than their contracted hours. He would have a good chance IMO, they particularly need men and get few male applicants (see low pay) but obviously nothing is guaranteed.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 07/03/2020 14:38

I have good pensions I could take early but he doesn't. So I could still retire early but he'd have to continue working. I don't want that for him or for me

This is the bit that mystifies me. Do you not share money? Why could you afford to retire but not him?

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 14:42

Because we both need an income. If I take my pensions early, they will obviously be much reduced. The savings we hope(d) to accumulate were supposed to compensate for that/fill the gap between retirement and normal retirement age. I've got no intention of retiring without him but PPs have asked if that's an option.

OP posts:
alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:45

@elderave I wonder what you mean by very low paid.
I have worked recruiting for these type of posts before and I would not offer your DH a post. He simply does not have the experience for what is hugely skilled work. And if it is an organisation employing staff who are so unskilled, then no it is not a good organisation.

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 14:47

You'll have to trust me on this alloutoffucks . It's a very reputable public body and it does employ a lot of inexperienced people to work in this particular role, alongside very experienced and well qualified professionals.

OP posts:
alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:52

Then I worry about the quality of service they are providing.
And it will not be a gentler life, simply less working hours.

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 14:53

You can't get that an organisation will have assistant and trainee type posts? Where do all these experienced people come from if there are no entry level jobs in the field?

OP posts:
alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:54

I suspect it is a TA or TA type post in a pupil referral unit. Very low pay and a very difficult job.

alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 14:56

Very good youth organisations with troubled young people have no entry level jobs. They don't need them. There are lots of great staff out there.

Alsohuman · 07/03/2020 14:57

God, there’s always one ...

PeterPanGoesWrong · 07/03/2020 15:07

I’d encourage my husband to take a job with less hours, less commute and less stress from a twatty boss anytime!
If you can afford the drop, go for it. Life really is short.

LucilleBluth · 07/03/2020 15:09

I'm a TA in a SEMH school. I have a degree as do most of my fellow TAs (we also have extensive training in dealing with autism. Adhd etc), My DH earns six figures.

My job is extremely physically demanding and if it is indeed a role like mine then he may struggle with the physical management side of things as he ages. This is not the easy choice and the majority of these 'troubled young people ' will let you down no matter how much we put into them.

Is he idealistic? I would tell him to realllllly think about this. But saying that I do love my job.

alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 15:15

@lucille I know most do have qualifications and a lot of experience, although in some job descriptions you don't need to. But it would be hard to get this job with the only experience being having kids and volunteering a few hours a week in a general youth activity.
And it is a hugely skilled but under paid job. And it is not a gentler life. You do have to be hugely idealistic.
If you are looking for an easier job with less hours, I would choose something else.

Throughthegate · 07/03/2020 15:22

If he moves to a job he loves, that leaves him all the holidays and isn't as stressful through the week, I would absolutely consider retiring before him. You'd still have loads of time together.
I know many happily retired women whose husbands are still working (from choice) Smile

Devlesko · 07/03/2020 15:25

God, I don't blame him. Surprised he's not thinking of retiring as your kids have grown up and flown the nest.
There's so much more to life than an expensive lifestyle and having to work to keep it up.
I'm in my 50's, very poor, but living life.

MarieQueenofScots · 07/03/2020 15:26

Surprised he's not thinking of retiring as your kids have grown up and flown the nest

If he retires the OP would support him...

Seaweed42 · 07/03/2020 15:32

I wonder is there any other options available.
Could he look at other jobs with less of a commute that would allow him the freedom to continue to volunteer. With not such an early start.
Or try to get more part time or working from home in his current job?
It sounds like his struggle for a 'meaningful life' has suddenly cropped up and he is looking for an escape route. And this other option 'seems' to provide such an escape.

dottiedodah · 07/03/2020 15:43

I think he needs to be careful TBH. I can see his point ,but as PP have said here many jobs working with "troubled young people " can be very difficult and tiring .Can he not step down in his current position at all? It sounds well and good but even without a mortgage ,there are still bills to pay ,expenses such as running a car ,clothes and other essential items .You will be left as the main earner too .Maybe you could both retire early and move down ? Maybe he could do a couple more years and see how your finances look then ?

JinglingHellsBells · 07/03/2020 16:38

@ElderAve You and your DH seem to be looking only at 2 options- current one or working with these young people.

Is he able to do the same line of work but closer to home or as a s/e consultant?

Also- and this is crucial- how healthy is he now?

Going on till he is 60 could mean he is in ill health when he does retire and all your plans go out of the window.

Or, if you are very comfortably off now, why can't he rent a small flat pied a terre where he works and only commute 2 days a week- Monday and Friday back home.

That would reduce your income but not as much as a 25% drop in pay.

JinglingHellsBells · 07/03/2020 16:39

sorry, a 75% drop in pay!