DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

[ElderAve]

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

If it all possible I would make it happen.

Work life balance is very important and If he works himself into the ground now then you may find he isn’t around to enjoy that retirement.

A step back and being in a position where you can enjoy life now sounds much better than knackering himself for something your hoping for in 5 years time

More likely she is in the office and ears something like £20K as admin

Patronising or what?

From the OP's post earlier:

he's not carrying the financial load, after deducting the cost of his commute we earn exactly the same! I don't have a little TTO job I have a demanding professional role that just happens to be much closer to home.I'm just as likely to burn out as he is. I also have much better occupational pension provision than he does, despite a period of PT working to care for his DC

He is allowed a break now

When is she allowed a break?

It has to work for both of them. They had a plan, he wants to change it. That needs to be with mutual agreement.

As I said upthread - its also not just about the money. Its a common mistake to assume that third sector work is going to be less stressful. He may be able to reduce the size of his existing job.

Just a word of warning. I work with troubled teens and it takes its toll physically and mentally

C8H10N4O2 How have you missed my updated post which was there when you posted yours?

@C8H10N4O2 As above.

But life is for living. We only do it once. If you've always wanted to work with troubled teens, and he already volunteers, then why not do it? If it turns out too stressful, he could get another job because they don't need two full salaries, having paid off the mortgage.

Life isn't for commuting for years in a job you don't like thinking about retirement when you might not even see it.

Even if the OP only earned 40k and her husband dropped to 10k, they'd have 50k and no mortgage!

Whoever said they would take back their time to have loved ones living with them again is right. Once you get over a certain amount of money (I think it's 50k with a mortgage), the research says you get no happier. This is a lesson everyone has to learn, don't learn it the hard way.

I have recently left my high stress job for less than 1/2 my salary. I've never been happier. You manage

Your mortgage is paid off. You have more money than you need. It’s the perfect time for him to do this.

I really don’t blame him for wanting to slow down. Encourage him and enjoy a slower, healthier life together.

So the long hours aren't all work, they're your DH leaving for work early so he can come back and volunteer?

Ultimately I veer towards "It's a short life, do what makes you feel fulfilled". I think if it's what he wants to do and it will mean a downgrade in lifestyle that you can both cope with, he should do it. If you talk him out of it, it will probably add resentment to his other issues.

@C8H10N4O2
She works part time. She gets all the school holidays off. She hasn't had the workload stress her whole working life. He has.

You seem to be one of those women who think that women should be able to do what they want but men cannot. Earlier you said something like "god forbid a woman wants to retire early if her husband doesnt agree". So you dont think it needs to work for both of them; you think it needs to work for her and his mental health and wellbeing can be damned.

This isnt just about a husband agreeing with her retiring early, it's about forcing him to work 12 hour days or longer for the next several years to allow her to retire early. Why should he do that? He's done it for decades by the sounds of it. The mortgage is paid, the kids are self-sufficient. They have enough money. It's the perfect time to slow down and have a better work life balance, but she wants luxury and early retirement so he needs to keep sacrificing. Why?

She works part time. She gets all the school holidays off

So just to clarify you believe all teachers work part time?

Oh dear, this all got controversial but there are some concerning assumptions about our previous finances. Until DC were born (after 10 years of marriage) I had a very well paid and very stressful job in investment banking(with a long commute). At that time I was by far the higher earner and I continued to do that stressful job PT for 8 years after DC. It is my earnings from that time that mean we are now mortgage free. During the PT phase I did the bulk of the domestic work as DH's career was starting to take off.

Then I was made redundant and studied hard (at the same time as working to pay my way) to enable a second well paid career. I really have made my contribution.

As for him continuing to work to fund my early retirement plans, my pension situation is such that we could both retire now, if he had the same, but he doesn't. Also, until last week they were very much his plans too.

However, that's all irrelevant because we're a team and he's certainly done his bit too. I fully acknowledge he needs to do "something" to reduce his commute, I'm just not sure that taking on a different but possibly equally stressful job AND putting himself in a position where he'll have to work longer is necessarily the best way to do it.

But yes, as some PPs have said let's stop with the women bashing other women and making assumptions about their poor hardworking DHs while DW has a life of leisure.

In that case, is the option there for him to change role, but for you (and you alone on your pension) to still take early retirement?

From my own experience it's best to support him. He may resent you in the future if you don't. So you have to put back retirement but for how long? Better to live life now than worry about the future.

OP " I'm just not sure that taking on a different but possibly equally stressful job AND putting himself in a position where he'll have to work longer is necessarily the best way to do it."

you said the new job would be 30 hours so how would he work longer?

I'm not married so have the luxury of the financial choices being all mine. However, I do think - maybe unrealistically - that you've got to have some flex if you're married and that might include one partner saying "I can't do this any more" and might include, for example you, deciding to retire early because of your pension.

but it sounded like your OP was saying "should I persuade him to stay longer in something he hates and takes ages" and the answer to that surely has to be "no"?

you said the new job would be 30 hours so how would he work longer?

I took it to mean that he will have to work for longer rather than take early retirement not working longer each day.

I was about to say I’d encourage him to go for the new job, until i saw it’s working with traumatised youngsters. I admire him, but that is likely to be hugely stressful. He might burn out instead of retiring in good health.

But if he longs to make the change, and finish his working life with something more rewarding, would he always regret not doing it? Would the new job still be available if he put it off for a year or two?

Tough call. I hope it all works out for you both.

@thetoddleratemyhomework, completely agree. DH has got a well paid job, he could be earning even more if he climbed the ladder a bit more. But he's made a conscious choice to not do that so that he can keep going until his early 60s, he wfh 3 days a week and has relatively low stress even though he's at a huge global corporate.

I work local part time, and feel I could happily keep working until mid 60s (we're early 50s now) as I'm not stressed and my commute is a 30 minute walk. Again I could earn more if I was willing to do a longer commute but I know it would be really tiring and stressful and I wouldn't last very long.

Slow and steady wins the race I think.

My DH left his 50K job because he was unhappy. He retrained in a different field and earns at least 25% less if not less. We don't have a big mortgage though. He is a a lot happier.

Hed have to work more years until he retires Autumn Rose

Yes, we could easily afford for me to retire at 55, when I can draw my pensions if he keeps working but why would we want to do that? My job is fine, I'm not desperate to retire, other than to have time with DH.

Work out what his new nett salary will be compared to his old nett salary, it will give you a better basis for comparison as the tax rate will be lower/personal allowance will have more impact. There are useful calculators online that will do it - money saving expert.com have one.

I retired aged 65, would have been able to go on for longer if it hadn't been for my commute. I was getting up at 5am and getting home (on a good day) at 7pm.
Travelling daily that amount takes it out of you as you get older. I didn't have the option to work part-time or wind my job down.
I miss working, the stimulation, the social aspect of it and I think if you can wind down career wise its a good thing.

OP - would he have to work longer in years though, is that a given or is it adjustable depending on lifestyle?

I'm not saying you should retire - I just thought you mentioned it as if you couldn't because of his choices. Apologies if I misunderstood.

tbh if it's all okay financially, I can't see what the issue is.

I am surprised tbh i he has been offered a job working with troubled youth with no experience of that type of work. If that is the case, then I would be wary of the organisation. It would mean they have a very bad reputation if they can't recruit people who actually have experience of this work. This type of work is hugely skilled and everyone I know who has done it has got experience in other ways first.