DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

[ElderAve]

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

If you can afford it (ie no mortgage or bills etc) then go for it. I took a huge pay cut as I was unhappy and stressed. Best thing I ever did.

Just think you'll have 13 weeks leave together so it's almost semi retired anyway. As long as you can still afford to do things and not sit and watch telly as your skint.

Go for it. There's a lot to be said about work life balance

Could he try doing something similar in a voluntary role for a bit to see if he likes it, before burning his boats?

Oops, sorry, I see he has done so already. Ignore me.

Wouldn't we all love that but I live alone with various disabilities, wear morphine patches and the only way I'll have enough pension to live on is if I work until AT LEAST 67 in the NHS.
I just carry on because there is no other option.
I get up at 5.30 and am often not back home until 7pm, I drive luckily but it's still exhausting.
I could just give it all up and sit here on benefits but I don't want a skint retirement on benefits, I want to be able to live a little.
I think there has to be an element of give and take here. Just giving it all up and going for the first badly paid job that comes along just isn't on, it's super selfish and will affect the whole family.
Why doesn't he spend some time looking for another job that is better paid, 25% seems really extreme.
people are hiring people his age, I have no problems getting a job and I'm an older plus disabled woman.
I just make sure my sickness record is pristine and try and have procedures when I'm on annual leave.

I'd suggest he first find out if he can cut his current job down by 20/25% instead, tbh. If he dropped a day, and worked another day from home if that's an option ... that might also take off some of the pressure he's feeling and give you both time to start taking savings very seriously.

@gingersausage

I agree 100 % with your post.
Utter nonsense that women facilitate men going out to work. ( or vice versa)

Of course a SAHP (or parent who works part time to cover childcare) makes the other person’s career progression easier. I’m surprised people can’t see that!

There’s lots of “he should do what makes him happy”. You can’t simply do that in a partnership without extensive discussion and compromise. In this situation to do what makes him happy is at the expense of the OP’s plans. Why does he get precedence? A middle ground of compromise is the only fair way.

So- if you have paid off your mortgage and you earn 80k or so yourself, and he would earn 20k in the new job, is 100k not enough to live off?

Or 75k if you earn 60 and he would earn 15k?

Without a mortgage?

Life really is for living, and his long commute (which is literally a killer as you age) and his high stress job isn't suiting him.

You sound like a go-getter yourself, and have an interesting term-time only job (which is an amazing thing in itself with 13 weeks off already!)- perhaps in management if you earn the same as him now. You will still have a way above average income and a paid off mortgage.

Of course you have the capacity to make changes to live a better life. You could actually do it tomorrow, you don't even need to earn as much as you are predicting if he downsized.

I'd be supporting him. Making someone do a soul destroying job at his age, for another five years, when he could do something really worthwhile, would be perhaps a little selfish. I understand that you were hoping to retire early and this might put that a little further away, but as someone else upthread put it "God laughs when you make plans" - you have to seize the day, and he obviously loves this line of work. Okay, so there's no going back, but if he doesn't like the new role, there would be other roles, although maybe not with the salary of his current job. Being comfortable financially is great, but I'm sure there are lots of people who could tell you that they'd have given it all away for five more years with someone they've lost.

If you will still have enough to live a decent life, which it sounds like you will, then I would go with it.

Such opportunities are rare and the chance to reinvent and have a nicer lifestyle way outweighs money for me.

DH earns decent money but has turned down promotions previously as the extra money just wasn’t worth the lifestyle impact. I am a firm believer that as long as you have enough to live comfortably, there are far more important things than money.

Working with troubled teens doesn’t sound like a gentler lifestyle at all, tbh.

Sounds like he's done his time to me after earning the bulk of income for years. Could you increase your hours to make up some of the drop in income ?

I'd encourage it

what he's doing now is what I did in my 20s and it had an appalling effect on my health even then.

This sounds a really good move as you can afford it.

You mention you recently had some luxuries. Do they matter? Would you work extra to cover that sort of thing?

fewer hours and fewer luxuries is an absolute no brainer IMHO. He's setting up the quality of his life for the future to be much better.

@shortfeet and @gingersausage - it does depend on the line of work/career.

In my field, the really good 'going-places' jobs expect 9am-7pm as standard, and more like 9am-10pm when things get busy (probably 1 month a year). Add the commute into central London (1 hour each way for affordable family homes) and childcare gets tricky. Live-in nanny, I suppose.

It can work where both parents are senior enough to have a lot of flexibility - but not everyone is able to get that.

@C8H10N4O2
So you think its totally fine for her to say he must keep working because she wants to retire early? He's older. He isnt getting the benefit of retiring early, he needs to keep working away with long hours in a job he is starting to resent, because she wants to retire early? If she wants to retire early then she can damn well pay for it herself. Not force him to kill himself by working himself into the ground.

Of course a SAHP (or parent who works part time to cover childcare) makes the other person’s career progression easier. I’m surprised people can’t see that!

Yes I agree - if you want to progress in a career as a parent its a damned sight easier if you have someone else managing the home/children/family stuff.

I find it fascinating that my male peers all openly acknowledge that they couldn't have reached the career level with a family without the support and career sacrifices of their wives and yet here so many posters trivialise this contribution.

However that is probably another thread.

Best thing my husband ever did for himself and us all. Went down by 25% by choice to a different field and our happiness went up by 50!

@Nearlyalmost50 The OP said she works in a school. Unless she is a headteacher of very snr management, your question about if she earns £100K or £60K is way out of line. More likely she is in the office and ears something like £20K as admin.

@Nearlyalmost50 Where did the OP say she earned almost the same as him now?

If that is true and they have £200K as a couple and she is a teacher, she will get a huge pension which will kick in at 60.

So if she does earn £100K and he earns £25K, what is the issue?

@C8H10N4O2
They've both contributed evenly. She worked and managed the kids. He worked way more to keep their income up. It's even.

But now the kids are grown, they're both earning well. He is allowed a break now. But she wants him to keep working so she can retire early. Not because they have bills to pay, but because she wants to retire early. Its not OK to work your husband into the ground because you want to retire early.

I'm a single mum, so I work full time and raise my kids alone. Luckily I run my company so I can work when I like. Before my kids started school, I worked overnight and looked after them during the day. I sacrificed sleep. Now they're in school, I work school hours and evenings. The time when I'm looking after them is so much easier than when I'm working; my work is stressful and demanding. Raising the kids was easier. This is totally from my life experience, but staying home with the kids would be much easier than being the breadwinner working 12 hour days in a stressful job. I do think parents who stay home or only work part time have it easy, so to moan that she cant retire early after being a part time for years is cheeky. She cant expect him to sacrifice his quality of life so she doesnt need to work.

Is this really about the money? You have a good job yourself and you own a house with no mortgage. If it came to it, you could re-mortgage to supplement your income.
This isn't about the money. It's something else you are worried about.
That these troubled kids will take up all his attention and he'll be more stressed at home.
What are the direct impacts on you of him taking this job? He'll be at home A LOT more for one.

Mary Ann, he's not carrying the financial load, after deducting the cost of his commute we earn exactly the same!

So if his commute is £5K pa or even £10K pa, and he earns a 6 figure salary, do you earn around £90K?

If so you must be a headteacher of a comp school or similar.

Or does he earn £60K and the youth worker job pays £15K?

In either case, between you, you will have around £70K I assume which is oodles of money so you sound a bit selfish.

Is this all about him taking on a lesser role and you being the main breadwinner?

Is that your resentment?

And his children? Are you a step parent?

At 55 I think he's stuck it out in the job long enough,let him ease back.

I am worried hearing that being in your late 50s with no mortgage, no kids at home and years of two well paid jobs is not enough to retire early
That's my hopes gone then!

@Nearlyalmost50 The OP said she works in a school. Unless she is a headteacher of very snr management, your question about if she earns £100K or £60K is way out of line. More likely she is in the office and ears something like £20K as admin

The OP earns the same as her partner currently does, minus the commuting costs! She is in what she describes as a 'demanding professional role'. Why on earth would you assume she is in office admin!