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Original poster

DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

260 replies

ElderAve · 07/03/2020 07:20

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

OP posts:
friendineed · 07/03/2020 16:45

I'd definitely support him in this. Carrying on like that is a recipe for an early death from heart disease.

UnitedRoad · 07/03/2020 17:11

My 52 year old husband has recently done something similar. He was leaving the house at 6.45, and getting home at about 7.45pm. He earned good money - not as much as your husband, but a good, very comfortable wage.
For about a year I watched him getting more and more down. He lost interest in everything, and became very quiet and lethargic. Then he asked how I’d feel if he handed in his notice, so he would leave work when they broke up for Christmas, and obviously I was terrified (he was by far the main breadwinner), but I’d been reading about suicide in men, and heart attacks caused by stress, and at the end of the day, I’d far rather be poor, and have him alive and well, than any other alternative.

We had about 6 months worth of bills, mortgage and other expenses money (not half a year of his wages, but enough to last us), but it still took a bit of getting used to.

In January he decided to reinvent himself as a handyman. This couldn’t be further away from his suit wearing, pen pushing, nice lunches with clients job, but he loves it! He’s getting lots of work, although not earning anywhere like what he did before, and most importantly he’s happy. It makes my heart melt when I hear him singing in the shower. I hadn’t noticed he’d stopped.

Downsides -

  • not as much money
  • people are probably ‘talking’ (we live in an area where people will ask what your husband does, before deciding if you’re worth making an effort with)

Upsides -

  • he’s far happier
  • he’s lost a bit of weight and toned up
  • I see more of him

@ElderAve I think you should support him if you can

minipie · 07/03/2020 17:18

Is there any option for him to take a 4-6 month unpaid sabbatical from his current job (whilst not actually resigning) and try out this new job?

Also, how do you feel about your job? How big an issue is it for you to work longer than you’d planned? Although as you’ve said you’re in a position to retire early anyway, perhaps that’s not relevant - I don’t see why you wouldn’t retire without him if he’s enjoying his (new) job but you’re not enjoying yours. Plenty of couples retire at different times.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
PuppyMonkey · 07/03/2020 17:34

I’m with the people who think working with troubled teens does not sound like a stress free, gentler life tbh. If he was getting a new, lower wage job as a gardener or something, I’d support that. But I think it’s going to be a tough role by the sounds of it.

MintyMabel · 07/03/2020 18:35

This does sound rather selfish.

Does it though? If her salary is now going to have to supplement his instead of her being able to pay in to a pension, surely it is him who is being selfish?

Lily193 · 07/03/2020 18:40

UnitedRoad

Your story was lovely to read - I hope your DH appreciates you and that you continue to be happy. I think you were both very brave and made the right choice.

Rain1 · 08/03/2020 06:05

I'm all for winding down before retirement but working in a school with troubled teenagers is almost certainly NOT the way to do this. I have done this and only lasted one year before burning out with stress and exhaustion. If your DH is working with them in any capacity that involves trying to get them to do schoolwork he will find this very different from volunteering in a hobby type group where the kids are happy and motivated to do the activity. Could he do some work experience in the actual role before taking the plunge? The fact that he's more worried about the money than the conditions makes me think he doesn't truly appreciate how this kind of job could affect his wellbeing, mental health and quality of life.

Personally I would see if he can move into a less demanding role in his field and/or go part time. That would be winding down.

DropYourSword · 08/03/2020 06:20

I’d fully support it. Once you have paid off your mortgage and you’re financially secure, his happiness far outweighs the extra money.

CheddarGorgeous · 08/03/2020 07:45

Other ideas would he be able to negotiate a voluntary redundant package if he's been in his role a long time or is relatively senior?

Or retain a part time consulting role for his old employers?

copperoliver · 08/03/2020 08:40

Maybe you should encourage him to look for a job,that he's currently doing but closer to home. I think it sounds like it's not his job he doesn't like, but his boss and the commute. X

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 08/03/2020 17:53

Definitely support him. Sounds like it could vastly improve your family's quality of life.

IcedMatchaLatte · 08/03/2020 18:15

My motto since I got my first internship has always been:
If your job no longer excites or fulfils you, stick it out for 2 or 3 months. If you feel the same after that, maybe it's time to move on.

Yes, I know not everyone gets to do that, but if he can afford to (and it sounds like he can), I'd tell him to not waste his life away doing something that doesn't make him happy.

FelicisNox · 08/03/2020 18:31

It's a tough one.

I can see why he wants to leave his current role: I'm thinking of doing the same and I'm a big believer that when you have issues with management there's nowhere to go and there's nothing worse than that type of stress.

However. As someone else rightly pointed out, working with troubled kids is a different type of stress and you're right to be worried about it.

Is there nothing else he could do, a sort of middle ground?

McCanne · 08/03/2020 18:35

I would support it. I’m sure he’s well aware that he’ll be swapping one set of demands for another and he’s obviously decided which set of demands he would find preferable. If you can afford the drop in income then why shouldn’t he follow his own path.

glennamy · 08/03/2020 18:41

What if it was the other way round?

The commute & a stressful job can be a killer (seriously) If you can afford it agree to it.

nagnagnag · 08/03/2020 18:42

Maybe the change in job will be a great new lease of life for him - develop new skills, find new friends and colleagues. It sounds miserable working with his current boss. And maybe he won't want to retire in 5 years time if he changes to a job that he loves and is more manageable. If he could find a job that he could keep doing as he gets older without having to have an early retirement to avoid burnout, that's a good thing. I think change is good. And if this one doesn't work out, maybe he should keep looking around until he finds another job that he does like. Support him - it doesn't sound like you have anything to lose, just a lot to gain.

ThistleTits · 08/03/2020 19:42

25 years of working with "troubled" young people and it's no walk in the park. Plus, I can practically guarantee, it will be more than 30 hours (toil). It will be emotionally exhausting.
Has he actually been offered this job? There are thousands of highly qualified and very skilled workers and very few of this type of job now. Apart from that, he deserves the choice to be his.

Kez200 · 08/03/2020 19:46

Im changing to 40%. Also dropping from 5 to 3 days though. But Im not saving any costs at all.

But 5 days in my line is just getting too much. So Im doing it for the quality of life. Plus its good money - there are many people on far less, so nothing to complain about.

VK456 · 08/03/2020 20:18

Support him. He’s probably worn out. It’ll be so much better for him to drop the commute.

MissBelle83 · 09/03/2020 07:37

Life is too short to big stuck in a job you dislike. Plus it sounds like he has been putting the graft in for years so you can work part-time and raise the children. It's not fair to ask him to stick at it just so you can retire early.

If it's something he wants to do then go for it, there are always opportunities for promotion and extra training when you work in education/youth work...who knows where this might lead if he finds his passion.

My dad worked in a boring, long hours job his whole career. When he retired he started volunteering and recently said he had wished he'd been doing something like what he is doing now his whole life. He's from an older generation where career changes were not an option.

alloutoffucks · 09/03/2020 08:21

@ThistleTits No he has not been offered this job, his wife just knows the school and thinks he will easily get it. TBH I have had people like this apply for these kind of jobs. People who come from very well paid jobs and think just because a job is not well paid that they can walk into it with minimal experience. That is not the case. These are difficult jobs and not easy to get. Bloody hell even ordinary TA jobs are not easy to get never mind something more specialist like this.

alloutoffucks · 09/03/2020 08:22

And it is arrogance that makes people from very highly paid jobs think this.

alloutoffucks · 09/03/2020 08:26

@MissBelle83 He may tell himself that career changes were not an option, but they were. It is true though that because of the real insecurity most grandparents lived through with war, they often urged their children to take secure jobs and stick with them. Security was highly prized because their lives had been so insecure.

ThistleTits · 09/03/2020 08:47

Well said.

SaucySpider · 09/03/2020 09:20

It's all very well wanting to be able to retire early but that's no good if he's had a heart attack or breakdown from stress etc. My husband had an extremely well paid job with a long commute and long hours and nearly had a nervous breakdown. He took a 50% salary cut which meant a cut in luxuries but at least he's still here to tell the tale.