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Original poster

DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

260 replies

ElderAve · 07/03/2020 07:20

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

OP posts:
alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 12:00

Also the idea that working with troubled teens is a gentler life is laughable. More rewarding yes, you can make a real difference to people's lives, but it is tough work. Not work I would go into if I was starting to feel my age. He may find his previous work starts to look easier than it does now.

Dinnafashyersel · 07/03/2020 12:01

If you can both afford to live on just your pension at age 55 then I am struggling to understand why you need 2 salaries now.

If it's more the case that you think your DH should maximise his earnings while he still can then that is an entirely different question and I'm not sure if it were my DH, I would consider it my decision to make were I self sufficient in my own right.

If you divorced and split your assets could your DH afford his decision? I suspect the answer is yes and so it is surely up to him.

BeansOnToast4T · 07/03/2020 12:02

Don't sacrifice your life now for a better life in the future. Live your life now, health and circumstances can change in a moment. I had relatives who worked themselves into the ground looking forward to a wonderful retirement but they never got to enjoy it.
Life is short, make the most of it now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
apricotnuts · 07/03/2020 12:06

Wearegoing, she said worked part time in the past, she works full time now.

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 12:06

@Dinnafashyersel we could live off my pension and his reduced salary, but he won't have a pension until hes 67 (or if he did it would be reduced to almost nothing).

Actually DH's personal pension situation concerns me a lot. I suspect if we divorced (please God no) I'd end up having to pay him a portion of my pensions. Thankfully there are good death benefits so he does get an income if I go first.

No, he couldn't live alone on the new salary.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/03/2020 12:09

Yes, support your husband. Mine is about to do similar - we don't have many debts, he hates his job and wants to find something else out of his sphere - I love my job. His health/mental welfare is important to me.

I winced at bit OP, at you saying that YOU 'were hoping to retire earlier', you're younger than him and he's been pulling in the big money for the family for quite some time - bearing in mind that your children are now self-supporting with their own jobs. I'd have thought it a no-brainer really. Confused

Nearlyalmost50 · 07/03/2020 12:15

You've said you could afford to retire at 55 anyway, so the issue then is that he won't be retiring at the same time as you, not the money per se.

If you were investment banking, then p/t at home with the children (which is hard work) and now work in a high up job in a school, you have also made several shifts in both income and in what job you do throughout your life. I guess the question is can you allow your husband to make one last shift in his, to downsize considerably.

I think the OP's husband sounds ideal to work with troubled youth- he's not highly dependent on the poor salary, he has older kids that aren't using up all his time and energy, and he already works in some capacity volunteering with a similar (although not so troubled) age group. If he shouldn't do it, who should? It also may be the type of work you can only do for five years before you get exhausted so that might be something to talk with him about, but I don't know who should do these jobs then?

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 12:21

Lying, think you missed my post about people assuming that hes 'pulled in the bug money" for most if our married lives when actually I have never earned less than him. When I was PT, I earned roughly the same as his FT job and after deducting the cost of his commute, we earn much the same now. For the first 10 years (before DC) I earned much more than him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 12:24

I've never had a problem with any of that, our money has always been completely shared but I do have a problem with people assuming I've been free loading off him or that I'm working him into the ground so I can retire early.

FWIW my first reaction was absolutely go for it, it's him who's wavering now, he was looking forward to the early retirement too.

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 07/03/2020 12:25

Would you consider moving to a smaller home to free up some of the capital to enable your earlier retirement?

Original poster
ElderAve · 07/03/2020 12:27

We don't have an extravagant home Frog and we're not in an expensive area (hence the long commute), we wouldn't release much

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 07/03/2020 12:27

Amazing how people are unable to process the idea that the OP is the higher earner here, and is not actually dependent on the largesse of the Big Man of the house.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/03/2020 12:28

I did indeed, ElderAve, sorry.

That said, if the boot were on the other foot and you were the one stressed about your job/commute, would he be feeling the way you currently do about it? The reason I ask is that I've always earned more than my husband but he really hates his job. We talked about it a couple of years ago and agreed that we couldn't afford for him not to work BUT that if he got rid of debts so that we'd be ok on my salary and a half-salary from him, then he could peddle back.

Your husband's commute sounds bloody horrible. I'm not diminishing your input, honestly, I'm looking at the situations as they currently are. You sound ok - he sounds as if he's struggling - a lot.

For me, at the end of it, it's not really about whose earning more now, it's about propping each other up if/when needed.

AutumnRose1 · 07/03/2020 12:30

OP you should have said in your OP that he's wavering now, that's the main thing

it does concern me that he couldn't live alone on that salary but again, I'm not married - it very much depends how you view finances within a marriage as to whether that's okay or not.

I'm pretty sure he'd have a claim on your pension if you divorced but surely that's all stuff you take into account when you get married?

Anyway, I think if he's wavering, leave him be to decide.

stayathomegardener · 07/03/2020 12:31

Just be a little cautious, we sold our company as the hours and stress was killing DH.

Three years down the line we do really miss the big cash flow and fancy holidays. Plus we underestimated the other stresses that come with having to think carefully about what you spend.

We have started up smaller enterprises since that are bringing in an income so that's a positive and overall we are very glad to be out.

I guess though if we had considered for too long or too carefully we wouldn't have taken that leap.

WobblyAllOver · 07/03/2020 12:31

I would sit down and go through all the options, not just this job or his current one. Explore all the possibilities in terms of finance, retirement planning and his current stress levels.

Once you have both looked at the pros and cons then you know which paths to pursue.

Villageidiots · 07/03/2020 12:32

I think that you should support him. His current lifestyle sounds unhealthy and could be shortening his life.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/03/2020 12:37

he works part time. She gets all the school holidays off. She hasn't had the workload stress her whole working life. He has

You could actually read teh OP's posts way up thread. You have invented a completely different scenario.

You seem to be one of those women who think that women should be able to do what they want but men cannot. Earlier you said something like "god forbid a woman wants to retire early if her husband doesnt agree". So you dont think it needs to work for both of them; you think it needs to work for her and his mental health and wellbeing can be damned

You could also read my posts to which you are supposedly responding.

Then read her updates where she confirms not only that her part time years were temporary but its her stressful earlier job which resulted in them being mortgage free.

You seem to be one of those women who can't conceive or a relationships where the women is both a mother and the main financial contributor.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/03/2020 12:38

C8H10N4O2 How have you missed my updated post which was there when you posted yours?

You mean the one with the timestamp just two minutes before mine? You do understand how post propagation works don't you?

damnthatanxiety · 07/03/2020 13:23

gingersausage I am not sure you understand that people have different kinds of jobs. My DHs job took him away from home for weeks at a time. For me to work FT in a demanding role with great upward progression and a salary to match would have required us to choose a family arrangement neither of us wanted. It is not just looking after the DC after school. Do you even know what it takes to run a household? The fact is, with the hours and travel that my DH and many other DPs of SAHs made it impossible for us both to work in demanding jobs. So WE decided that one of us would stay home. This was a decision so one of us could progress in a demanding industry whilst we still maintained a domestic family situation where the DC felt properly cared for by at least one parent on a daily basis and when the other was home, they could focus on the DC as the rest of the domestic tasks were done. Had we decided jointly that we BOTH wanted to work in demanding roles, we would have had the sort of home life neither of us wanted. Had we both jointly decided to share the domestic and childcare roles as well as work, neither of us would have been able to progress to the earning capability he did. SO THIS is what is meant by one DP facilitating the other to enable them to earn big money. It is surely not that hard to understand it.

SW16 · 07/03/2020 13:39

OK, well maybe he should stick it out for a bit longer, on the assumption that a low paid job may always be much more attainable than another high paid job, but save, save, save, and make sure you are making the nest of tax advantages by putting as much as possible into the pension.

Is there not a happy medium, where he looks for another highly paid job that is easier to get to and has a better working environment?

What about downsizing?

LizB62A · 07/03/2020 13:51

I agree with the earlier suggestion of your husband taking a sabbatical from his current job to see whether the new role is definitely what he wants to do - less risky to try it first.

Or, is his current role one where he could maybe go part time (3 or 4 full days a week) then use the other day for a volunteering opportunity in the field he wants to move in to.

That might soften the financial blow while still giving him a bit of a break.
I'd definitely go from full time to part time if I didn't have a mortgage to pay ,,,,,

alloutoffucks · 07/03/2020 13:58

Has he actually being offered this job?

Alsohuman · 07/03/2020 14:03

If mine had wanted to do this I’d have been 100% behind him. It sounds really sensible to wind down gradually to retirement.

JinglingHellsBells · 07/03/2020 14:18

@ElderAve I've read the whole thread and i can't quite see what your real issue is.
Sorry!

Is it the money, or the feeling that your DH would have a job with less status?

You said it was 30 hrs a week so he'd not going to work any longer hours.

(Assume 9-3 x 5 days.)

You can retire at 55 with a decent pension. On top of that he would have his lower income. Presumably if he wanted to he could cash-in or take his pension at 60 from his previous job ( one he is in now)?

so what's the issue?

I don't think it's your role to make his decisions about his job for him.

If he wants to be a youth worker, why not?

Are you very materialistic? Do you want to have a combined income of over £100K and is that what you are unhappy about?

I think your subject line is misleading.

It's not about money as you are comfortably off and will carry on being so. It's about something else.