DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

[ElderAve]

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

We had a similar plan OP but DH realised at a similar age that many of his colleague were basically working until they died early from the stress - and all their retirement plans went to shit.

You are in a very lucky position of being mortgage free and still having your health so you can both work.

Much better to work longer in a job you like rather than both having to give up work because one of you is caring for the other one...

I’d support him too. He’s supported you being part time and then term time so why wouldn’t you want to do the same for him? Would you really want him miserable because you want he salary? You could always find a second job or go all year round working elsewhere if you want more money.

As long as he can still meet half the household bills as his share, the salary wouldn’t bother me. I want my spouse to be happy.

@ElderAve
Has he been interviewed and offered the job or are you both assuming he'd get it?

If he's been offered it, it seems late in the say to ask about financial planning.

I think you need to ditch the emotion and sit down with a spreadsheet and a financial advisor who can advise you on investments and pensions.

Do you know exactly what pensions you will get and when?
ie how much occupational pension will pay out at maybe 55, 60 and 65?

Also, saving and putting that towards pensions or savings now is a bit late in the day. You might get 5 years' worth of extra savings which will be bugger all if they are to last you both 30 or 40 years. Even if you put away £75K for 5 years and saved around £300K that still only equates to £30K a year for a pension at current rates and would be worth a fraction in 20 or 30 years' time with inflation.

My DH has recently retired. We spent around 3 years planning when he could retire.

You need to really work out what you can live on for 30 years ( expecting to live to mid 80s) and what kind of savings and pensions you have now.

Really depends on your lifestyle and what you want to do with all this free time, and how expensive that is. If your ideal free time is pottering around in the garden then that's one thing. I, for example, would want to travel to exotic countries and visit many fancy restaurants - 75% drop in income would not quite allow for that.

I would encourage it, commuting and early starts are hard work.

Support him, you only get one life. He’s burning himself out, so why shouldn’t he do what he wants with the relevant lifestyle choice

I would encourage three things:

To take the job if it’s what he really wants, life is too short, and some people have a genuine vocation

To explore opportunities to do consultancy work in this current line of work during the long holidays to bridge the 75% shortfall

To look at increasing your own income if, as you say, you are younger than him but also want to retire when he does.

Yes, definitely would support. My DH is about to walk away from a 6 figure salary to go back to uni for a year to do a course which costs £32,000. I work ft, but young kids and large mortgage! Things are going to be very tight for us till he is back at work. BUT Life is too short to not enjoy it.

I think you're right in that his new job will be stressful in a different way, but I left a good job a few years ago because it was a 90min drive each way!! I could have continued in the high stress environment had it not been for all the extra travel, it was absolutely exhausting. And if there was bad weather, or a road closure I could be hours longer.

I get why you don't want him to lose the money as if he could just stick it out for a few more years he's done! But in his new job you'll have so much more time together so working for an extra couple of years won't be too bad. Is there anyway you could move closer to his work for a while so you can share the commuting?

If it's a youth worker/support worker role be ready that the job may not exist in three years time. Most (in some way or other) rely on funding from local government/charitable grants/ national bits of funding. These are all still being cut, services are being lost (and jobs along with them). What's the plan b for when this contract/service finishes. He had no qualifications in this new field and will only have three years experience and in addition ageism will play against him. Can you vote of he has to work in B&Q? This sector is on its knees, there will be further job cuts.

If you can afford it then yes. Better for him to do a job he enjoys and shorter hours so more time now but maybe retire later than stressful job with early starts for 5 years. We spend too much time at work to do jobs we don’t like unless it’s a necessity.

I did something slightly similar recently. DH and I had paid off mortgage, DC working, savings and pensions looking healthy and DH earning good money in a job he loves. I gave up paid work, retrained in a totally different field and spent the last 8 years of my working life earning very little working with people in difficulties. Like the OPs husband a lot of these were teenagers and young adults.

OP is right, it is a tough area to work in and there can be burn out. I actually retired two years earlier than I planned because the responsibility became overwhelming but I am proud I did it. I know that I made a difference to some people. Their world is a better place now than it would have been otherwise. And even though 8 years of doing that work isn’t as good as the planned 10 would have been, its better than nothing at all.

My point is that I couldn’t have done this without my DH. He accepted the financial hit and took on the burden of supporting us both. As we see it we are a team. He (indirectly) helped my clients as much as I did because I couldn’t have done any of it without his financial and emotional support.

So all my rambling boils down to - encourage your husband OP. Let him try this. You have both worked hard to achieve financial independence, now encourage him to enjoy the benefits of that in a very worthwhile and rewarding way.

You're younger, and you want a nice early retirement. In order to get that, you want him to keep working in a job he us starting to hate with a horrible commute and early starts and all the rest of it. While you get to work term time and have nice long holidays from work

???

You get all the chilled out, luxury life you want. He's killing himself to give it to you. You get the early retirement; he will be exhausted everyday just to make that happen.

If you can live on the lower pay, then support it. What's the point in all the luxuries if he is just miserable?

@damnthatanxiety I still don’t understand your argument about women “facilitating” men to have high powered jobs by staying at home. It makes zero sense however many threads you say it on. Men have the ability to go out to work (or not) whether their wives stay at home or not. There’s this miraculous invention called “child care”. It’s people who you pay to look after your children so you can both go out to work. Being a SAHM or WAHM makes no fucking difference to your husband’s earning ability - he’s an autonomous adult, that’s on him.

How much younger than him are you? And what kind of luxuries will you have to cut back on? my friend has a hellish commute and I’m sure she is shortening her lifespan by doing this, she is late fifties now and has a DH who is eight years younger than her. She earns almost three times as much as he does a year and no dc.

I would support the move, we are worse off than we thought due to my early ill health retirement. Life throws stuff at you but this sounds very feasible and with good planning very feasible.

Oh I'd encourage it 100% even if the new job doesn't work out the current one is killing him and he really needs an out, your mortgage is paid and your kids are working ft. Time to wind down, no bought luxury (which is just stuff) is worth a hundredth of the luxury of free time with your loved ones. X

Tbh it sounds like you're more concerned about a normal retirement andoifestyle changes than your husband. If he sees this as a positive step and you're worried about expensive holidays going a miss, your priorities are wrong.

That's just my opinion anyway.

This [desire to retire early] does sound rather selfish

Yes god forbid a woman in a stressful job should express a wish to retire before she burns out if that doesn't prioritise her DH's wishes.

OP, you need to consider the money, the job, the current stress as seperate issues and consider how each would be addressed.

The money is a matter of sitting down with the spreadsheets and having an honest conversation about when both of you want to retire and if a few extra weeks off work for him each year would compensate for later retirement. Also since you are also in a stressful job what happens if you burn out before the affordable retirement job?

The job itself - does he understand the difference between working in this sector and volunteering? At his age it will be a one way ticket and may be just as stressful and more emotionally draining than his current job

As for his current job stress - what has he looked at to address this within the job? Large companies are currently falling over themselves to offer flexible working/part time working in roles where it wasn't considered even a few years ago. Could he reduce his hours per week or per year? Or take Leave of Absence for six months to try something else?

I think you also need to consider how boring very lengthy retirement might be.

My FiL retired before he was 60. He is now mid 80s. Wealthy but, having had nothing really stimulating in his life for 30 years, lives a very limited and boring life (and has done for the last couple of decades).

My own dad, on the other hand, works in an interesting and stimulating job (which he can self-regulate, as he works for himself), and at over 80 still puts in hours equivalent to a full time job (jself employment + church roles). Because he is still meeting new people, doing new things etc he still has the zest for life of someone much younger. Despite a range of health conditions significantly more severe that FiL's he appears MUCH fitter, much more mentally active and is far, far happier.

Early retirement - unless there is a clear 'purpose' for it (my mum has not been employed for many years, but has a much busier life than many full time workers in terms of voluntary and church work) is definitely not all it is cracked up to be, especially after the first 5-10 years.

(Should also add that the decision not to retire for my dad was, initially, financial - we have been poor as church mice all our lives. However, he probably now DOES have enough money to retire but no longer wishes to!)

Have you done the maths on any of this OP?

We sat down and made a spread sheet of all our essential outgoings annually. We didn't scrimp on the estimate, we used our credit card statements over the past year.
We don't do exotic holidays- not our thing- but we did factor into the costs the holidays we tend to take. We also included everything like haircuts, dental treatment, medical treatment ( cover), clothes, car repairs, insurances- the lot.

We also subtracted the costs of DH's travelling to work, lunches and allied expenditure.

Once we came up with that annual total ( it was low £20Ks) we decided what income we would need to have a comfortable retirement.

This is the type of thing you want to do.

It's not so much about what work he does- that's his choice- it's about what as a couple you need to live on. The bonus is that you will each get around 12 weeks hol a year, and he will stop having a 13 hr day.

If that choice leaves you with only being able to afford 2 weeks in a holiday cottage in the UK that might not float your boat, if you fancy exotic travels at £10K a pop.

Depends on what lifestyle you envisage.

If you can still cover your bills and your DH knows this means he has to live within his means then yes, I would support it.

Do you have any opportunity for career advancement to make up some of the shortfall?

I ended up with a lot of time off work at a relatively young age and I’d never think about retiring early as a result. Reducing hours yes, but stopping work altogether, no. When you have more time, you value it less.

I think this is probably not something everyone agrees on, but I personally think it is better health wise to work part time in a not very stressful job for a bit longer towards the end and gradually wind down rather than going cold turkey from working 70+ hours a week to having long days to fill and spending all your time together(!).

My parents both retired in their 50s and I look at them and think that for me I would want a bit more going on (they don't do childcare - not a moan as we live in different countries!!). They are happy with their lives, so it is horses for courses.

I think it is a bit harsh to expect your husband to flog himself to support your early retirement if you are younger.

You don’t sound like you’d support this change....

..... but I don’t understand why you wouldn’t