DH wants to take a job that pays 25% of his current one

[ElderAve]

Yes, one quarter of what he's currently earning.

ATM he has a very well paid, demanding job and a long (expensive) commute. Leaves the house at 5:30am and gets home c. 6pm. He's had some struggles with his boss of late, with increasing demands and conflicting priorities. He's mid 50s and starting to feel his age, the early starts are taking their toll.

DC are both working FT. I have a well paid job after a period of PT work while dc were young and the mortgage is paid off. In the last couple of years things have become very comfortable financially and we've been enjoying some luxuries that would have previously been out of reach.

The plan, until recently, was to build up some savings to supplement our pensions and retire in 5 years' time. So, we can afford it with some tweaks to our "luxury" spending but it probably puts retirement plans back.

The proposed new job would be very close to home and only 30 hours per week, term time only. I work in school so we would both have the long holidays. He'd also be really good at the job he wants to do, working with troubled young people.

Part of me loves the idea of a gentler lifestyle but there'd be no going back once it's done, he's not likely to get another job like the one he has at his age, if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger). I'm also concerned that whilst the work might be more rewarding there can be a high emotional toll which is not something he has experienced before.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

It sounds like he is carrying the majority of the financial load while you have a job with lots of holidays and much shorter hours. Can you not see why he might find the new job appealing, he may well be quite jealous of your current working hours.

Maryann1975 how are women expected to ever be seen as equal contributers when other WOMEN devalue their parenting contribution? The OP wasn't swanning off to the salon whikst poor, hardworking hubby slaved away providing for the family. The OP was RAISING THEIR DC and working part time. Sheesh...it's like we are going backwards.

It sounds as though you NOW have a well paid job, but essentially for most of his career he has been financially carrying the burden for the family and the way you've phrased it is that is if he's opting for an easier life this impacts on you having to retire later. Not taking into account his quality of life. Let's be honest if he continues worst case scenario he doesn't see his retirement! Don't underestimate the impact of the lengthy commute and stress.
Yes the school role will be stressful in a different manner, but having to work only 195 days a year is a significant bonus! And what gets many through.
If YOU want to retire earlier than state retirement age, perhaps you need to supplement your contribution to negate the years when you weren't contributing as extensively rather than put all the emphasis on your husband having to put up with his current role to meet your demands?

OP I think you and DH need to sit down and do the figures. You are the only ones who can determine what works for you in the big picture. Will he be happy to work for many more years in an emotionally demanding job to make up for working 5 fewer years in a job he is not enjoying? Would he think it would be better to continue for an additional 3 years doing what he is doing and then transferring thereby allowing him to work in his new role for maybe just a few years rather than until he drops? It is all very well feeling tired NOW at 50 but how will he realistically feel in 10 years time when he may be completely exhausted in his new role but having to continue until his mid 60s because he needs to still earn? Short term vs long term type conversations are required.

If he's unhappy and stressed then of course you should support him. You'll still be living extremely comfortably, especially if you're mortgage free.

My partners health and happiness would be more important than a few luxuries or retiring a few years early. You'll both have a much better quality of life and being able to have long holidays off together would be great.

Can he cut down his days or wfh? Is it the actual job or the commute that's the worst bit? If he's miserable and stressed you have to support him but there might be other options where he can keep his hand in his current profession whilst also doing the new role.

If YOU want to retire earlier than state retirement age, perhaps you need to supplement your contribution to negate the years when you weren't contributing as extensively rather than put all the emphasis on your husband having to put up with his current role to meet your demands?

That's unfair when OP clearly sacrificed her career in part to allow for his

is there a middle ground? So, for example, could he ask to drop a day at work currently, keep 80 per cent of his salary and wind down a bit more slowly, see you how both adjust to less money coming in? Then perhaps after 6 months he could drop another day and in a year or so, he could aim to step back completely and take the sort of role he wants with young people? Agree with other posters that the grass isn’t always greener and those sorts of jobs have other pressures and it’s easy to dismiss the importance of salary when you don’t have a good one.
At the end of the day, it’s about quality of life - now and in the future so you need to do what’s best for both of you, but it won’t necessarily be a gentler way of life, more fulfilling perhaps, but there will be cons too, so you need to be prepared for that.

perhaps you need to supplement your contribution to negate the years when you weren't contributing as extensively

Here we go SoloMummy is another poster who feels that parenting was not contirubting extensively. . By taking time out to parent, the OP FACILLITATED her DHs ability to progress in his career and earn a high salary. It also stunted her career opportunities. But hey, now that it is in the past, why not negate all her contributions as 'not extensive' and tell her that it is her responsibility to earn more as she has been lazy to work in a role that is not high paying and it only she worked hard all her life like her DH did, she would not be in this financial situation.... I despair.

If he can afford to do it and it makes him happy, then he should go for it. Moneys not everything and life is too short.

I would support him. There will also - possibly - be opportunities to do another part time job during school holiday with a lower status but would still generate some extra income.

Does he have a pension that would be frozen until he reaches retirement age? I presume you do. When that matures you'd have less financial worries/stress.

If he does take this job you may find you are not as hard up as you think you will be and you'll have more time to do things together.

Good luck to you both.

if we are being prepared to potentially work to nearly 70, then mid-50s isn't yet time to wind down.

Lower pay often means loss of autonomy and worse treatment by management as lower paid workers are often seen as easily replaceable ime.

It entirely depends on personal financial circumstances and whether the current job is super stressful, as to whether you are willing to take a 75% cut. I agree with what was posted upthread, that a change to lower paid work does not always equate to less stress especially if the person is accustomed to being empowered, being looked to for making decisions, managing staff etc. Loss of status and being treated like an office junior can be a massive wake up call.

Would you support this idea or be trying to find a way to make the current job work for a bit longer?

Could he consider reducing his hours at his current job, so he only works 3 days a week?. That would not impact his salary / pension nearly as much and he could reduce his commute and associated costs. I moved from blue chip to public sector and when I did the sums and took off cost of commute and tax differential I could add back several 000s in saved ££ plus my new job is much less stressful!

if he changes his mind and I was looking forward to retiring nice and early (I'm a bit younger)

This does sound rather selfish.

If his job is making him very stressed and unhappy, asking him to carry on doing it for 5 more years so you can retire nice and early isn’t going to be great for his mental health.

It sounds like he is currently unhappy and you do not need the amount of money you earn to get by. I would support him to go for it and have some quality trips away together whilst you have the health to enjoy them.

Do it.

My parents tried what you initially planned. My Mum died 6 months before she retired. My Dad has had to live for nearly 2 decades afterwards. He has plenty of money but is intensely lonely.

Working with troubled teens is completely different to volunteering. It would be incredibly stressful. Could he work three days a week and spend more time volunteering?

Has he any experience of dealing with troubled young people? This type of role can be emotionally draining and stressful in a completely different way

Love all the assumptions that OP has been slacking all this time doing fewer hours, contributing less to her pension, earning less, and of course the ultimate slacker option of taking time out of work to look after small children Except that none of that's true, so posters will have to look for other reasons to find her at fault now, won't they?

Think about what's best for both of you.

OP you’ve already said that you’re younger than your DH so perhaps your job without the commute isn’t as quite as taxing yet. With the reality that we are (viruses permitting) likely to live a long time past retirement these days, I think that if you can change jobs for one that is more satisfying and local then you have a much better chance of continuing with it and staying in good health. The people I know of retirement age that are happiest are those who are still working part time because they live their jobs and the interaction but also have the time and income to enjoy their time off and have lots of interests.

It’s difficult when plans change unexpectedly but when you hit your fifties you do get a wake up call and feel the need to be making the most of the time left while you’re in good health. It’s no good waiting till you’re knackered and burnt out with long commutes and a pressured job if you won’t be able to enjoy the rewards. If you can afford the drop in salary go for it and enjoy life now not in 5 years time because who knows what will be in your future.

I'm in my 50's and when you get to this stage, and people start falling ill and dropping dead all round you, you realise with a huge jolt how frighteningly short life is. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed to come.

A lot of big firms are focussed on Corporate Social Responsibility now. Could he agree that he moves to part time in his company and they can get CSR brownie points for facilitating him volunteering with troubled teens.

I think if you are different ages you can’t expect to retire at the same time. I am younger than DH by a couple of years so if we both work until we are 62 I will finish after him.

Commuting is absolutely exhausting though. I think you're underestimating how tiring that is on top of a stressful job. And probably just when you're getting exhausted, you have a holiday. I'm sure you work in the holidays too but it's not the same as a long commute and twelve hour days.

I think I'd be resentful if I were your husband and you told me to give up my dreams and keep up such a punishing workload so you could retire early.

He's making absolutely the right decision here.

Life is too short to spend it working yourself into exhaustion. My mum has just lost one of her best friends - she died of cancer about three years into her retirement. It really brings it home that old age and retirement isn't guaranteed to everyone - if I could give myself ten years of term-time working before giving up permanently, I would snap it up in seconds.

You'll have plenty of time off together - evenings, weekends and all the school holidays. Plus he won't be killing himself working 12 hour days!

It depends on whether you currently have a comfortable pension pot, and if you are both able to continue paying into a pension over the next few years.

Whether the actual salary of the new job is a good living salary.

Whether downsizing your house and releasing equity is a possibility for retirement.

Whether you could take a higher paid job.

But I wouldn’t want to see my DH slugging his guts out in 12.5 hour days in a job where he is being unpleasantly pressurised by his boss, just so that I could continue to work school times only and retire very early. He isn’t a workhorse.

I did something very similar two years ago, gave up a high-paid and high-stress job for low paid, but enjoyable, part-time work. I would recommend it to anyone who can afford it.

In my case, the mortgage was paid and the kids grown and flown. I'm still some years from taking my pension so need to earn enough to pay the bills and so on - I have a small savings pot for rainy days - but I'm significantly happier, and much more active.

The thing about low-paid work is that there's lots of it around, so if plan A doesn't work there will be options. Tell him to do it!

He already knows about the emotional toll: he volunteers and is experienced in the field.