Who gets the biggest room?

[moveandmove]

We are looking to move house soon. There will be 3 bedrooms. 2 are bigger and are the same size as each other. The third is a tiny box room. Could fit a single bed in and a chest of drawers (which is what's in there currently). That room is above the stairs so a bit of the room is taken up by that but you can put stuff on top of it iyswim.

There is me, dp, my ds10 and dp's dd18. Who do you think gets the smallest room?

You have another much more reasonable option. Let your Dp get a place with his kids. You stay in yours.

Putting something in the garden for his son? Are you crazy? Have you checked local guidelines? Is it even legal?

But it is my problem really. I can't say to my husband sorry I'm not moving out of my house to accommodate your children can I?

Right could you and your dp not take the box room then.Kids need the bigger room because they have toys/studying.Whereas you can have your stuff all over the house.

Would there be room to convert attic or add an extension on.

Right could you and your dp not take the box room then. bunk beds??

Yes. Yes you can.
They aren't small infants. The 22 year old especially can forget it.

You have a child. They have parents. How many times are SM on here told not to interfere and to mind their own business. Well that works in all scenarios.

That house is not suitable for your child. So keep looking. You don't move unless the house is perfect. And if that takes a month or a year that's what it takes.

Having read the later info, I would put a platform with ladder in the box room, with wardrobe/storage & desk in the box room for SD, maybe some extra storage for her clothes in another room.
This house is primordially financed by you.

DSD in the garden, get a job and pay a tiny amount of rent, just to get her used to real world
DS get bigger room
DSS to get box room if he want to live with you as an adult, and if he doesn't like it then he should rent somewhere else.

I think if it was two equal adults putting into a new house then sd would get the bigger room.
But he has no equity, he's moving two adults in too, who don't seem to be paying his way, I feel your ds is going to feel very pushed out.

Is there a way to move a box room wall at all, to even things out a bit.

But tbh I wouldn't move to disadvantage my son like that.

I think this whole arrangement needs a rethink.

You are already resentful of your husbands children and financial contribution. You feel this move will disadvantage your son.

It seems your heart isn’t in this.

Either keep looking for a house that can accommodate you all without the stress, or rethink the whole marriage move thing,

Yes. Yes you can.
They aren't small infants
And if he's a decent dad he's not going to see his child on the streets so that's the marriage over

@timeandplace idea is good though!

@SleepingStandingUp they're not married. So he can move out with no divorce and no claim on her house and try and get together enough money to buy his own three bedroom house for his broke kids.

Oh my god ,I have read the full thread
What the fuck are you doing?
Why are you are you selling up and moving in with 3 adults and supporting them all.
Your poor son ,
Your dh is using u to provide a roof for his adult children
This is maddness dont marry him ,your loosing your equity in your house ,just stay as girlfriend/ boyfriend untill his adult children standing on their own feet
Your being used ,and being massively unfair to your son

Tbh I was going to say DSD should get the bigger room as she is there full time, but my opinion has changed over the course of the thread.

You are moving purely to help her out of a tight spot in her adult years, so I do think it would be reasonable to say you can only offer her a box room. You are already doing her a favour by allowing her to live there rent free rather than get a part time job to afford accommodation at uni. It's a slightly different situation but my aunt is 15 years younger than my dad (so was closer to me in age like a sibling), so when she went to uni she lived with us to save money. She had the box room and was fine with it.

Given that you say your son would be very affected while she only wants the room to lie on her bed on her laptop, would she really mind having the box room? It seems like you could be preempting the drama and if she's a reasonable young woman she could see the logic and wouldn't be bothered.

X box and tv in living room at age 10, irrespective of bedroom size.

Firstly, I think this ^ is a very very good point.

But what I would do in your position is sell your house and buy a new one, but not the one you've seen....it doesn't work for your family, possibly worth looking for one with a playroom? Then your son could have a small bedroom but a room for his TV/Xbox/Lego then the problem is solved! You need a house that accommodates everyone fairly, and bedroom size can be alleviated in different ways

We are putting something in the garden for dp's 22 year old ds to live in

Presumably your DSS is not studying too? Could your DSD have the box room for her gap year then move into the garden room when she goes to uni and then DSS gets the box room. Or if he prefers, he moves out when she goes to uni, DSD has the big bedroom, your DS has the box room and the garden room as his own playroom and you can use it for a guest room when he has sleepovers/your DSS visits etc or vice versa your DSD sleeps in the box room but has the garden room as a study/lounge.

I still think your ds gets the smaller room. You are getting married and merging families. Things change from the situation they are now.

But the 22 year old gets a house share. Ridiculous. He would live in the garden.

And the xbox goes is the living room.

Is your fiance a good sound bet for marriage and life? Finances speaking.

Move don’t move and yes you can tell your dp that you’ve changed your mind. Tell him you will pay him back for the bathroom and kitchen.

What benefit will you get out of this? The equity you own outweighs his contribution that’s not fair. Have you not even thought about putting a clause in your mortgage about what monies you have both put in?

No way would I do this. You’ll really end up resenting his dd and him because this situation puts you and your son out

I just can’t believe you are selling your house to accommodate his two adult children. Wow he struck gold with you!

There are lots of options here. For starters, why is his dd taking a gap year without a job? If she isn’t working, she should head straight to uni. Why doesn’t he pay for her uni accommodation and then the box room will be plenty when she has to vacate student housing for holidays.

Talk about drip feed. There seems to be new and pertinent information coming with each update

Dsd is taking a gap year because she says she feels stressed by her parents splitting up (they split up in 2014) and she says she has anxiety so needs a break.
Dss earns min wage working full time but when rent is £800 approx pm he just couldn't afford it. He has a gf that he's been with for 2 years but says he's not sure whether her loves her and is worried if they split up he'd have nowhere to move back to.

Honestly it would have been easier to give a considered answer with all the information at the start!

As it stands I don’t think you should move. Your son is being downgraded as you put it and I can understand your reticence.

How is it £800 pcm for a house share? Where do you live?

So what is she going to be doing for the next year?