Who gets the biggest room?

[moveandmove]

We are looking to move house soon. There will be 3 bedrooms. 2 are bigger and are the same size as each other. The third is a tiny box room. Could fit a single bed in and a chest of drawers (which is what's in there currently). That room is above the stairs so a bit of the room is taken up by that but you can put stuff on top of it iyswim.

There is me, dp, my ds10 and dp's dd18. Who do you think gets the smallest room?

Just to clarify. Dp lives in my house that I own. Ds has a room big enough for his requirements currently. I am selling my house to move in with dp so his dd can live with us

I wouldn't move. Honestly if I were your DS I'd be Living with Dad full time if you did this.

I think we'd be hard pressed to find a house with 3 equal sized bedrooms.

If I didn't move at all, dsd would not be able to live with us at all.

Is there really no way in which you can find a house with three decently sized bedrooms?

I think we'd be hard pressed to find a house with 3 equal sized bedrooms.

They don't have to be equal, just not a box room.

Xbox and tv in the living room anyway, I wouldn’t be giving kids unsupervised access to gaming console and all that goes with it at 10.

If you’re moving together your step daughter is as much part of the family as your son. You’ve chosen to move to a house with 2 bedrooms and a box room, she’s going to be with you full time and should have the bigger space. What if she wants to have friends round - much harder to fit four eighteen year olds in a box room.

If I didn't move at all, dsd would not be able to live with us at all

No offence but why is this your problem? Your DS happiness is all you need to be concerned with.

Don't move. Either you will resent DSD for having the bigger bedroom and not paying rent, ro DSD will think it's unfair that DS will have the big room, which is also empty half the time.
Or find a different house.

Why can't your DSD live with her dad without you moving too?

Do you actually want your step daughter to live with you?

DS gets the smallest room until DSD moves out then he can upgrade. Cabin beds are good as PP’s have said.

So you're giving up a2 bed and him a 1 bed to buy a 3 bed?

At 18 your DSD doesnt need to live there so she would get the smaller room in my house

No he lives with me. He doesn't own a property.

And how much money is he putting towards this new house, OP?

So is this your property that you paid for with your money?

If so he can jog on and sort his own kid out.
She doesn't have room at Dads. So she needs to find alternate accommodation.

it says you haven't moved house yet. Why don't you choose a house with 3 more evenly sized bedrooms?

Something to bear in mind...
If ds spends half his time at his other parents house, what's his set up there? If I'd had applied the rule of child who is only here half the time to my DD, he would have spent half his time in a tiny box room at mine and the other half squashed in with his two brothers at his dad's house. And he wouldn't feel particularly wanted or comfortable at either home.
So it really depends on what he has at his dad's.
I would always give the bigger room to the smaller child, they have more toys etc.

Initially I was thinking like you OP that a 10 year old needs more space for friends, sleepovers etc and an 18 year old will possibly not be at home much anyway as usually out with friends so should get the smaller room.

But then when you said DSD would be at Uni I kind of swung to get needing a desk/study space.

But in light of your update bollocks DS gets the bigger room! Why should he suffer just so that DSD can live with you!

I think you need to look at a 4 bed so that you have 3 decent size rooms, or a 3 bed with space to make a den elsewhere for DS if he got the smaller room.

Dp sold the family bungalow when he split up with his exw. He has put a new bathroom and kitchen in my house to make it more easy to sell. So that's his contribution for the new house. I have equity in my house for my contribution which is quite a bit more than his contribution.

We will both be paying for the mortgage.

Ds has a tiny box room at his dads too but never has friends over there so doesn't mind.

Is there room for a conservatory or can you look into a garden room for DS to chill with friends when they come round? We have insulated a (fairly cheap) summerhouse for this purpose (lined with ply, popped insulation in between, added perspex "double glazing" to the windows) and decorated, carpeted, curtains, squishy sofa and big cushions/floor cushions, tv play station etc, lots of LED & party lights and put in two oil radiator heaters. It's cosy enough (being not that big) for 3 or 4 friends to stay over camped out in there for most of the year, it doesn't get used much now but has been popular.

DSD. She will be off to uni/work soon and is only there half of the week already.

Use the space very creatively. We had the cupboard knocked out in our box room and a bed built above it; you would be amazed how much bigger the room looked. Definitely not a loft bed, a small room looks like a prison cell with those.

Sounds like you’ve made up your mind already. You don’t want your DS to have the smaller room at all. Whether your DSD moves in with you or not. Don’t move at all and DSD stays where she is if that’s the case.

Hmm this is really tricky OP and I can see why both your DS and DSD would feel hard done by if either had the smaller room tbh - your DS because he currently has a better set up and might feel resentful towards DSD when presumably you both want them to become closer as step siblings, your DSD because she will be there full time and need the space for studying.

I would talk to your DP urgently.

Also like PPs suggestion of some kind of summerhouse set up for DS if no alternative. My DH has this for music/football watching on TV