Homophobia alert. A middle aged woman said this to me today about her adult grandson. It’s not ok, is it ?

[Shortfeet]

‘I’m so happy for my grandson .
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “ .

I was speechless l and somewhat upset when I stopped to consider what she had just said.

Discuss

You embrace everybody’s differences and ensure we live in a society where prejudice, hostility and negativity for not being the majority isn’t tolerated.

Yep, totally agree with you.

I refuse to feel sad about my son’s sexuality because of an unpleasant minority.

Never said you should do.

Oh, honestly. Having a list of attributes you wouldn’t choose for your child is a whole world away from wishing away those which already exist.

The sadness,pity( and anger)I feel is for people who bully, look down on others for being different and for those who think it’s important to be the same as everybody else.

Choosing your child’s sexuality and hair colour is abhorrent. Once they arrive those feelings won’t go away and will be replaced by regret. Nice.

Having a list of attributes you wouldn’t choose for your child is a whole world away from wishing away those which already exist.

Exactly.

Choosing your child’s sexuality and hair colour is abhorrent. Once they arrive those feelings won’t go away and will be replaced by regret.

Well, you can't choose it. That's kind of the point. This is why we don't allow people to go down the selective IVF route for non-medical reasons- if you could choose, the amount of variation would decrease enormously.

I certainly wasn't disappointed when my child was born, as PP said, there is a world of difference between saying you wouldn't choose X and wishing away those attributes that already exist.

I’m just staggered people have negative views re their child’s sexuality.

Dress it up and excuse it all you like it’s still homophobia.

I’m just staggered people have negative views re their child’s sexuality.

I'll admit I've not read the whole thread- who here said they're unhappy with their child's sexuality?

They’ve said they would be, they’d prefer them not to be...

Those homophobic views don’t vanish once a child is here.

I think it's not necessarily homophobia. I mean, it could be. But to say 'I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own' may simply mean that OP's patient sees the trials that face many of the gay community and would choose an easier path for her children if that were possible. In the hypothetical I don't think it's necessarily an indication of homophobia (though, of course, if we're making wishes that we are powerless to enact, one could suggest OP's patient directs hers towards a more tolerant society instead). If you're talking about a specific person, saying that you wish/hope they are/aren't gay, I think that's a larger issue, because the die has been cast already, so in effect you're potentially rejecting that person, rather than simply picking what you see as the path of least resistance for your hypothetical offspring.

Thanks to one and all for input.
Despite many of you arguing over what constitutes middle age and banging on about the use of the word discuss ( which I apologised for but many continued to go on about it ) it’s actually been a very good discussion.

Thanks again.

Ps I had to look up virtue signalling, and no I wasn’t doing that.

And you were very kind to the Woman in question suggesting she wouldn’t want it for one of her own because they would face more trials than if they were straight.

I don’t think she mean that as she did a sort of disgusted grimace

@AskAga1n

I’m just staggered people have negative views re their child’s sexuality

That was exactly my initial point hence why I Invited discussion as I wanted to hear others ‘ views .

Seems you and I are wrong to be staggered !

Oh, come on.

'Wrong' to be staggered?

Literally no one has said that.

Many people have pointed out that you sound so painfully naive as to make it seem you're slightly putting it on. That's a different thing. Rewriting that as 'wrong' is an attempt to reclaim the moral high ground.

So let's be clear. No, you are neither a wonderful and amazing human being, nor a social pariah, because you tacitly objected to predictable homophobia. No, the woman you spoke to isn't an aberration.

Does that help?

@GlummyMcGlummerson and @BecauseReasons : my feelings exactly.

@74NewStreet spot on.

@Shortfeet the world is evidently full of fuckwits. I mean I’ve nothing against them but I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own.

An aberration is a departure from normal, usual or expected.

I don’t think her views are normal, usual or expected in this day and age. They certainly aren’t tolerated.

As such she is an aberration.

Does that help?( Most annoying MN phrase ever)

He could well be gay, but with that attitude he’ll hide it from grandma

@SarahAndQuack
All the stuff about kindness seems to have passed you by.

@SarahAndQuack
I am a real person struggling a bit with a casual social encounter that shook me up a bit.

@SarahAndQuack

“Does that help ? “

OP, it's lovely that you live in such a bubble of tolerance that the comment that started this thread really shook you up. Most people, sadly, don't live in such a bubble. And generally, those in public facing roles, such as other HCP posters on here, experience all of the intolerance of humanity far more frequently than most. Thus it seems unlikely to them (and to me, I'll admit) that someone in a HCP type role would be so shocked by what, in the grand scheme of intolerance, is a relatively minor comment. So, to them, it does look like you're virtue-signalling. I don't think that's an indication that people are being unkind per se, just that they're seeing the world through a lens of their own experiences. In future, may intolerance in all its forms become so rare that everyone is as shaken as you were upon hearing such a comment.

“ I’m so happy for my grandson, he’s not gay.Ive nothing against them, I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own.”

Who are them, another species?A relatively minor comment.

Who are them, another species?A relatively minor comment.

Yes, it is. And again, if you can't envisage a more extreme and upsetting comment, that's wonderful. Unfortunately, I have heard far, far worse.