Homophobia alert. A middle aged woman said this to me today about her adult grandson. It’s not ok, is it ?

[Shortfeet]

‘I’m so happy for my grandson .
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “ .

I was speechless l and somewhat upset when I stopped to consider what she had just said.

Discuss

[SarahAndQuack]

Virtue-signally! That's the phrase I wanted. Yes, it is.

[whiteroseredrose]

Maybe her grandson's ideal job has a predominance of gay men such as hairdressing. Hence the 'and he's not gay' epithet.

My (straight) hairdresser always jokes that everyone assumes he's gay.

[SarahAndQuack]

I think there's a lot wrong with being glad your child or grandchild isn't gay.

But that doesn't mean it's not an understandable view, and it doesn't mean I don't defend people's right to hold it.

[overnightangel]

“Perhaps I’m overreacting or being too soft or naive.”
You think? 🙄

[Pinkyyy]

I find the 'discuss' very rude too.

But aside from that, I'm completely unsurprised. People who act shocked that things like this still happen are extremely naive.

[Leflic]

There are lots of reasons why society struggles with homosexuality. Everything from it being an alternative lifestyle to having to confront the idea of other people having sex.
Although she may say she’s glad none of hers are gay who knows hiw she’d respond if one actually was. We gave a large extended family with lots of different views on things including prejudiced ones. But my gay and lesbian cousins are accepted wholeheartedly because they are family before their choice of partner.
So what people say and what they do are very different.

[PeridotPassion]

Nobody wishes for their child to have something that could make their life harder

This.

I would prefer it if my sons were straight. Not because I personally have a preference but because I’ve had enough drama in my life to the point where I often crave boredom - and straight is still, largely, the ‘easier’ route.

[CoupeCourte]

Posters saying you're glad your children aren't gay because their lives would be harder - are you also glad they're male? Being a woman makes my life harder in so, so many ways. If someone said they were pleased they had sons not daughters "there's nothing wrong with having girls, I just wouldn't want it for myself" would that be ok? Would that just be a caring parent? Or would that be - like this woman - massively bigoted?

[CantSayJack]

Who would actively WANT their children to be gay?
People are allowed to say their preferences for their own children, doesn’t mean that’s what will happen.
No-one is allowed to say anything nowadays without people screaming HOMOPHOBIA!

[PeridotPassion]

Posters saying you're glad your children aren't gay because their lives would be harder - are you also glad they're male?

I have 3 sons. Yes, I’m glad they’re male. Because, like you said, being a woman is often much harder - especially nowadays.

I’m glad that, because they’re boys, there’s very little chance they’ll experience some of the things I have.

[BecauseReasons]

Being a woman makes my life harder in so, so many ways. If someone said they were pleased they had sons not daughters "there's nothing wrong with having girls, I just wouldn't want it for myself" would that be ok? Would that just be a caring parent?

I wanted a boy for this reason. I was slightly saddened for my fetus when I discovered she was to experience the many inequalities and disadvantages inherent in being female. I worry about her future, in a landscape swinging ever further to the political extreme of the right and ever more insistent on pigeon-holing women. The Handmaid's Tale doesn't seem as impossible as it once did.

I don't dislike women. Indeed, I am one. I just appreciate that we have it harder and want the easiest path possible for my offspring.

[SarahAndQuack]

Who would actively WANT their children to be gay?

Me.

It would massively lessen DD's chances of living a fairly shit life. Sorry, but it's true. Much of the violence and harm that comes to women, comes from men.

I won't mind if she's straight. But, life will probably be easier for her if she's not.

[BecauseReasons]

It would massively lessen DD's chances of living a fairly shit life. Sorry, but it's true. Much of the violence and harm that comes to women, comes from men.

Depends how long the current realm of tolerance we're basking in will continue. You've seen what happened to the lesbians in 'V for Vendetta'. Hopefully we continue to be a tolerant and accepting society, but tbh it's not looking good at the moment.

[Septemberissue]

@CantSayJack I say lots of things everyday without “people screaming HOMOPHOBIA!” but that’s primarily due to the fact that I don’t say homophobic things

People are entitled to express their opinions, you’re absolutely right (look at you here right now, expressing your opinion) but it’s just that, an opinion. Gay people exist and are entitled to live their lives without prejudice and with the same fundamental right to merely exist as they are born as you and I. So if someone’s opinion discriminates against or erode that, then yes it absolutely should be challenged and they should be aware that it is not acceptable to air those opinions.

[SarahAndQuack]

That's a fair point, @BecauseReasons.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"It would massively lessen DD's chances of living a fairly shit life. Sorry, but it's true. Much of the violence and harm that comes to women, comes from men."

Sounds like you seriously need to do a google search about the high rates of violence in lesbian relationships.

[LonginesPrime]

OP, do you mean you are proud of your DS for being gay, or proud that he is out?

A child's sexuality seems a bit of an odd thing to be proud of - it's not like it was his doing.

And YABVU to order readers to discuss!

[LonginesPrime]

Much of the violence and harm that comes to women, comes from men.

I hate to break it to you, but lesbians typically get heaps of harassment from men.

[SarahAndQuack]

I'm aware, @LonginesPrime

But still, in terms of intimate partner violence, I think being a lesbian is better.

Of course, that may change for all sorts of reasons. I do still hold out hope we're raising a better generation of men, for example.

[AmelieTaylor]

Discuss

Fuck off

[74NewStreet]

That’s quite a sad viewpoint, Sarah. To imagine your dd will be safer not being in a relationship with a man. Maybe statistically you’re correct, but it seems extreme.

[SarahAndQuack]

Statistically I am correct.

Why's it sad, though?

I'm a lesbian. It's good. I'd be ok with DD being straight, and I recognise chances are she will be, but there are so many really lovely things about not being.

[Yestermost]

This is the sort of bollocks my FIL comes out with. He is racist, sexist and homophobic. Pretends not to be but so obviously is. Hes entitled to his opinions. We're entitled to think he is a bigoted twat.

[UghnotherStain]

And he’s not autistic!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “

Not OK to say to a random. Perfectly fine to think and feel that way if your child was assessed for autism and didn't have it.

[KittyTsui]

It's fine. Not great, but fine. If they ever discover a 'gay gene' (they haven't yet) then watch the proportion of children born with that genetic makeup plummet over the years, just like it has for down syndrome.

People will screen for it, and abort for it. They already do for gender, down syndrome and other genetic conditions. He comment is a reflection of that thinking.