Homophobia alert. A middle aged woman said this to me today about her adult grandson. It’s not ok, is it ?

[Shortfeet]

‘I’m so happy for my grandson .
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “ .

I was speechless l and somewhat upset when I stopped to consider what she had just said.

Discuss

I’m so happy for my grandson.
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!

That is a weird train of thought. I'd read it as 'And he's gay!'

I disagree that it's necessarily homophobic, I have a gay son who I love every bit as much as my other DS but given the choice I would choose for him to be straight just to make his life easier.
A friend who is a lesbian says that she would not have chosen it for herself as she has had to come out to people all through her life and never knows how people will react. She has a good life but it is a dimension that straight people never have to consider.

Life is generally easier for straight people. Like saying, 'I've nothing against autistic people, but wouldn't want it for my son' if you take autism to be a normal variation rather than a medical condition.

Fair point. Assuming she meant to compare homosexuality to the trials of having a developmental disorder makes it perfectly OK. Bet you are embarassed to have even mentioned it, eh OP?

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

So would I. Even the best interpretation possible makes her very tactless and narrow minded.

to the trials of having a developmental disorder

If you view autism as a developmental disorder. Which some autistic people would find very offensive.

Thank you for the thread, OP, I haven't done any virtue signalling today and this has filled a gap.

it's v odd. no connection between sexuality and job at all.
However as the parent of a gay man is seriously say I'd rather he wasn't.
That doesn't make me bad.

A member of my family just came out and I'll be honest I was so proud of him not one member of my family is homophobic but I do worry for him more because there is very homophobic people out there .
Mabey she meant it in that way .

I have two sons. They can be whatever they want to be, and I will love them.

But I just hope they don't put 'discuss' on the end of their social media posts, like a twat.

I would. A 65 year old will be claiming her pension in two years.

So if she's not eligible for her "old" aged pension for another 2 years, she's still an "old" lady?

"the woman is 65 ."

Not middle aged then.

All those judging other people for not wanting their kids to be gay should check your privilege.
I don’t worry about my schroedinger’s gay kids life chances because they’re surrounded by kind and educated people, live in a country with fewer obstacles to accessing everything we all need (healthcare education housing, advice) than LGB people in other countries, live in communities with lots of role models, want to join professions where its no big deal etc. Were I the mother of a Muslim boy in Bradford, a girl in Texas or a girl in South Africa I’d be an idiot to not be worried about their life chances.

Shes only 7 years younger than my nan (I'm 29). Far from middle aged. And a very different generation.
It may be an outdated view but it's her view.

Discuss

This is either rude or a journalist looking for a story. Or both.

This article suggests that people are "old" when they hit 70

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/young-people-under-30-british-people-age-how-old-survey-a8244111.html%3Famp

So if she's not eligible for her "old" aged pension for another 2 years, she's still an "old" lady?

Yes. Women used to be able to claim at 65. Unless the 'old' descriptor may only be applied at the arbitrary old age pension line?

@Etinox but we aren't surrounded by kind people.
Just Google homophobic attacks. First page is 4 different scenarios..
Oh and that's just this year. That's just what's been reported.

I can understand why it would upset you as you have a gay ds. I also think it’s a thoughtless and strange thing to say to a stranger - obviously she has no idea you have a gay son.

However I don’t think being your glad your kids aren’t gay is homophobic.

I know plenty high-achieving, professional women at various ages in their 60s. Can't imagine anyone describing them as old ladies

I wouldn't be bothered at all if any of my children were gay. I would be worried that life was going to be more difficult for them, that's it.

Whilst gay people live daily with homophobic attacks/fear of homophobic attacks/reading about homophobic attacks it is not an outdated view. Wish it were.

I doubt she was middle aged if she had an adult grandson

Not really the point of the thread but my Grandma was 36 when I was born...

Well, I get where she's coming from in a "I don't want my son to have be discriminated against and bullied blah blah" rather than homophobia, but I don't think that's what this was.

This article suggests that people are "old" when they hit 70

Ha. Interestingly enough, there's a graph there that breaks responses down by age of respondent- the older respondents give a higher age at which you are considered 'old'. Not surprisingly really, given fear of mortality.

So why didn't you say anything?

@Nomorepies because Middle Aged Woman didn't say "Discuss" at the end.

the older respondents give a higher age at which you are considered 'old'. Not surprisingly really, given fear of mortality.

Not surprising at all. When I was in my teens I thought 30 was ancient.