Homophobia alert. A middle aged woman said this to me today about her adult grandson. It’s not ok, is it ?

[Shortfeet]

‘I’m so happy for my grandson .
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!
I’ve nothing against them , I just wouldn’t want it for one of my own “ .

I was speechless l and somewhat upset when I stopped to consider what she had just said.

Discuss

[Shortfeet]

Those of you objecting to the word discuss, I apologise.

It was shorthand for “ I’d like your views on this situation “

But it’s the chat section After all, and I wanted people’s views on an event that upset me.

And I didn’t want to crowbar it into AIBU .

[stressedmanager]

Oh gosh just let it go. I'm actually pleased my children so far aren't gay too - life can be hard for gay people as I'm sure you're aware. If you're totally honest would you not rather your son wasn't? He must have wrestled with his feelings and worried about telling people etc. As a parent we just want to protect our children.

[Absolutepowercorrupts]

Discuss
No.

[mbosnz]

My daughter is gay, and I love her and am fiercely proud of her, and want nothing more than for her to be true to herself. She is quite firm she will never have children - and that's okay. There's no duty on her to procreate.

Sometimes I'm sad that her row is that much harder to hoe because of homophobic idiots - but she's strong. And fierce.

[HeronLanyon]

Given that gay people are still killed and assaulted for being gay I am not surprised by this at all.

[Shortfeet]

@nicky7654 you say you are glad your son isn’t gay..

What if, further down the line , it turns out he is?
Will you be sad/ sorry he is gay and wish he wasn’t ?
Will you feel differently towards him?

[CottonHeadedNinyMuggins]

My cousin's (almost 75) grandson is gay - her husband is of the opinion that he'll grow out of it and dismisses it. When she found out she literally broke down in tears and practically beat her chest sobbing about why he'd do that to her and how can she be expected to accept it. (she's calmed down now and just ignores it)

It's ridiculous and he'd be so hurt if he knew about it and it would really damage a very close relationship.

I feel for him so much :(

[helberg]

Discuss... yuk, reminds me of GCSE essay assignments all those years ago. I feel a little unwell.

I think you should have called her out on it - as politely as possible.

[OhLook]

I have called someone out on bigoted behaviour in public before (at a car boot sale!) and it didn't go very well and there was a scene which ended in her shouting 'well in that case I'm GLAD I'm racist!' and some people around us agreeing with her and me leaving upset. Another time, years ago when I was a shy seventeen year old working in a supermarket, a woman who came through my checkout said something abhorrent about how we just needed some black boys to pack the bags and laughed conspiriously at me. I just stared at her in shock and didn't say anything (or laugh obviously). I often wondered afterwards if I should have said anything or not. I would have done these days, despite of any possible outcome.

I'm not sure what my point is really. Just that it can be difficult to confront people sometimes and there are a load of possible outcomes.

[Eckhart]

I think it would be different if she'd said 'I'm glad he's not gay, I can't stand gays.' In which case, you could have said something like 'We have very different feelings about that.' or something. But it wasn't even blatantly homophobic - she might have just been clumsily speaking in his best interests.

[Shortfeet]

@stressedmanager

“ If you're totally honest would you not rather your son wasn't?”

I AM totally honest , I would not rather he wasn’t.

What a strange question to ask.

He’s bloody wonderful just as he is

[Littlemeadow123]

Maybe she's just glad that her grandson isn't gay bcause life is seen as being harder for them. Times are changing now, but not so long ago, beating up a gay man was seen as a fun way to spend a Saturday night in some areas.

[donquixotedelamancha]

A middle aged woman said this to me today

the woman is 65

Do humans live to 130? Discuss :-)

[BecauseReasons]

Like PP, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Life is generally easier for straight people. Like saying, 'I've nothing against autistic people, but wouldn't want it for my son' if you take autism to be a normal variation rather than a medical condition. Like this article suggests:

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/jul/16/autism-doesnt-have-to-be-viewed-as-a-disability-or-disorder

[Crunchymum]

Discuss?

Am I sitting a GCSE exam?

OP, what do you think people are going to say?

It's an awful comment but given a) you feel you can't challenge her due to your profession b) you don't use your son to score points and c) you did absolutely zero about at the time (you could have said "I don't like homophobic comments in my clinic" etc...) then what response do you want?

I have a disabled / globally delayed child and I challenge every fucker who still thinks it's ok to be disablist or pass comment. I am not rude or aggressive or controversial but I have a few standard phrases to explain things and I'm happy to expand should anyone ever ask (they do and I always will take the time to discuss my childs condition)

Its not the same but how can we expect change when we accept ignorance.

[turnandfacethenamechange]

He’s bloody wonderful just as he is

Of course he is OP. This thread is making me confused and a bit sad

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

I disagree it’s incredibly rude to put discuss at the end of a post

It makes you sound like you’re setting a GCSE psper... which you’re not.

[SewItGoes]

It was (if nothing else) an odd thing to throw into the conversation, and she may find herself in an uncomfortable situation if she goes around saying that to random people, but she's entitled to her opinion as much as anyone else is, and she's hardly the only one to feel that way.

She's probably hurting herself more than anyone else, when she says such things, because many will think less of her for it.

[nicky7654]

@Shortfeet I love my son with all my heart and want him to find a lovely lady and have a family . If however he tells me he is Gay it wouldn't change my love for him. Not wanting my son Gay doesn't mean I won't want him if he is.

[Medievalist]

Do humans live to 130? Discuss :-)

So would you call a 65 year old an "old" woman?

[Etinox]

@Shortfeet the fact that you were at work puts a different slant on it and I understand you not wanting to call her out.
Laughing in someone’s face is my preferred reaction to ignorant twattery.

[BecauseReasons]

Do humans live to 130? Discuss :-)

Maybe OP is a brilliant medical professional and her patients live a hell of a lot longer than the average.

[AFistfulofDolores1]

@Shortfeet - Your very strong reaction suggests to me that she voiced something that hit too close to home for you, in spite of your protestations.

[WhereShallWeMoveTo]

I’m so happy for my grandson.
He’s got his ideal job.
And he’s not gay!

Well that’s a weird train of thought.

[BecauseReasons]

So would you call a 65 year old an "old" woman?

I would. A 65 year old will be claiming her pension in two years.