Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

M&S do some fairly nice things you can just shove in the oven, as do Waitrose - would she accept something like that?

She said they are quite rural. There are actually many, many places that do not have M&S food halls and Waitroses anywhere around them - much of Scotland, for example.

I would cook something and buy her the ready meal equivalent from tesco. The home made version will look and taste a lot nicer. Very odd though , does she have some kind of food phobia?

You are of course more than welcome to come along @ClientQueen

You don’t have to bring a thing!

It is unusual but I would just buy her a ready meal (maybe a naice one if you like her partner!) and just cook for the rest of you and not make a thing of it. She might be horrendously embarrassed, she might not know her partner has said anything and is expecting to bring her own, who knows.

However, I do wonder if she maybe has any other food foibles; in which case, it might be better to go back to him and suggest she bring her own so you don't get her something she won't/can't eat.

Could they come for drinks instead?

It’s a bit of a trek for just drinks.

I’ll be intrigued if it goes okay and we get invited back...

I was so taken aback I just said “oh yes, of course, that’s great” shock Like a muppet.

So bloody talk to him! 'Really sorry, I was caught kind of off guard there. I need to tell you, our finances are really tight since DC came along and we can't afford a takeaway. Might it be better if X brings her own food, that way I won't duff up and get her a ready meal she doesn't like. Hope you don't mind, but I'll cook for the rest of us for economy's sake.'

The end.

I’m confused and intrigued as to why she can’t eat homemade food but can eat ready meals/takeaway. But I’d probably give her the benefit of the doubt and assume some sort of phobia/anxiety and not make her feel any more awkward about it. Just get some nice ready meals from M&S or something that you can all enjoy.

Be kind, she might turn out to be lovely despite this weirdness. And if she turns out to just be a CFer then you’ll know for next time not to go out of your way.

I would text him to just bring her own ready meal and carry on cooking a lovely home-cooked meal for the others. To hell with pandering to that rudeness.

I can’t work out if she has an ED or she’s just really stupid.

Has she ever looked at the hygiene rating of some takeaways?

Home cooked food would be safer.

Can you get some more info from him? And either a recommendation of which ready meal you can get her or whether she’d prefer to bring something herself.

Alternatively, could you change it to afternoon tea with a shop bought cake?

This is the kind of weirdness I look for on MN. Thanks, OP

Happy to be of service

I’d honestly not given it any thought until this evening. At the time I parked the details and we were talking about meals for the week, remembered what he’d said and come to ask for advice.

As others have said just take the sting out of it and ask your friend to bring food for partner and you crack on. Just make it sound normal.

Ok so I kind of get this.....

When I was about 7 I went to my friend's for tea, we had macaroni cheese. I was sleeping over and in the same bed as my friend. I woke up in the middle of the night projectile vomiting mac all over her, I dashed to the bathroom, didn't make the toilet and hurled ALL OVER the cistern, wall and floor. I was absolutely mortified.... my parents were too, probably.

Since that very day I've had the real fear about eating at other people's houses, I avoid it at all costs but would never be so rude as to implement it as a condition. I'd suggest drinks and nibbles, or a (going dutch) take out. I have eaten at other people's homes on occasion though out of politeness and and it has always been lovely and I've been very grateful, but the anxiety of it has never gone away. I'd feel palpable relief if 'dinner' was commuted to something less pressurised.

Perhaps a Jacobs join where they can bring dishes they know she'll eat and you provide others...she'll probably dig right in once she feels more relaxed. It's a pressure thing.

Takeaway if SHE pays.

Why accept the invitation if this is her stipulation?

Please come back and tell us how you get on with the evening! Good luck.

It's obviously not allergies, since she hasn't specified re ready meals /take aways.

It's a bit strange if it's hygiene related, given she's open to any take away.

If it's anxiety, she ought to have sent a message apologising for being rude, saying that she has slightly complicated dietary needs, and asking you to be understanding about her providing her own meal.

It's the way she's gone about it that's so rude.

Well surely it can’t be a germ phobia thing if she would eat a takeaway. How bizarre.

I'd suggest drinks and nibbles, or a (going dutch) take out.

Sadly, a lot of people really cannot afford that. So many on MN just don't understand that quite a few people have to budget for every penny and just don't have the money for drinks and takeaway even for themselves. Hence, just telling the mate you were caught off guard, budget doesn't extend to takeaways or ready meals and suggest the new girlfriend bring along a ready meal for herself and you cook for the rest of them. I'd be mortified if I felt I was dipping into my hosts' budget to cater for me, but I also understand how it is to have to seriously budget for every penny.

65p from boots. Enjoy !!

Seems odd to me, but you don't know what the problem is.
It would seem safest to ask the friend what she likes as a ready-meal, & get a cheapest, nastiest version you can find.

I'd just say, " Well I am happy to try to cater for allergies etc, but takeway is non-existent here. Please let me know, or just feel to bring something to warm up if that's easier for you"

I think I'd cook something delicious for everyone else and get her something OKish but boring by way of a ready meal.

Surely this is a MH issue or serious eating disorder, I appreciate that it's a pain for you but if really try not to judge if you can.

Do you have a "Cook" shop near you? They do some lovely home cooking style ready meals, or shop bought pizza as you suggest sounds good.

I would just say I'm sorry but I'm making a homemade meal. I'm afraid I can't make different meals for everyone at the moment. is there any reason Susan has to eat packaged food?
i don't cater for faddy eaters I'm afraid. Life is too short. I don't mind vegan or gluten free but this is ridiculous.