Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

It’s bloody rude if you’ve never even met her before! Another vote for cooking a delicious homemade meal for the rest of you and buying her a rubbish ready meal

This thread makes me sad. My sister is he same re food that she hasn’t cooked herself. She has crippling, life-affecting OCD, she’s not just being awkward. It’s just another way that shitty mental illness fucks with her, and it’s bad enough for her without people being nasty about it. Obviously that may not be the case here but you never know.
I do understand that it’s awkward however, and my sister will always bring food with her. I’d ask that if them to be honest, that she brings her own ready meals and continue on as you normally would for the rest of you.

This would annoy me. If she is happy to eat food prepared by strangers in takeaways then the implication is that she thinks "normal people" are unhygenic.

I also think she should bring her own, or they should pay for the takeaway, given that you are providing the rest of the hospitality.

Cook for everyone else and buy her a ready meal.

There is absolutely no reason you should all have a less tasty meal just because she won't eat food that isn't made in cats in a factory with mice and rats hiding away 😁

Find out what ready meals she likes. Don't let her food choices be the only thing that matters.

Oh and if you do decide on nibbles I'm sure she'll be fine with you opening the Pom Bears packets in front of her..

She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses

Fuck that. How rude.

She either doesn't come, or you buy her the cheapest, nastiest ready meal you can conjure up while the rest of you eat your delicious home cooking.

Lots of people are taking this very personally! I’m assuming she’s not rude and actually has some kind of anxiety around food? Maybe I’m naive though...

Either way I would cook for the rest of you and ask her to bring a ready meal that she’d like. I’m sure she’s used to it. Just tell her it’s because you want her to feel comfortable and have a good time so it’s better that she brings something she knows she’ll be happy eating.

I agree with your idea of opening the nibbles directly in front of her. (Or ask her to when she arrives.)

Cats?
Vats.

I'd just ask him what ready meals she likes and get one of those. Whatever her reasons, try to understand she's hardly likely to be awkward for the fun of it.

She thinks a takeaway is cleaner than home cooked food? She's in for a shock

Indescribably rude. Buy some packets of crisps for her if you're feeling generous or give them a drink and say how sorry you are they can't stay longer but you're just about to eat. Bye.

Tell her its BYO

That’s quite rude. Takeaways cost a lot more money.

Cook something for the rest of the people, and buy a ready meal for her, in a similar vein. Ie. Cook lasagne for everyone, and buy her a (cheap and cheerful) readymeal. Or cheat, buy a ready meal, eat it, and put your lasagne in the container. Or say you’ve cooked a readymeal.

Come on everyone! This is really common on MN. I've seen many many threads : Someone with severe anxiety or mistrust of other people's cooking, ie hygiene, won't eat a cake or muffin bought into the office!

So why should this be any different!

Get her to bring something with her.

I’ve actually done something similar before. Something I couldn’t get out of and although I am not particularly fussy about hygiene, I have a thing about food being prepared near animals and knew the person in question let their cats on the kitchen surfaces while they were cooking. I offered to bring my own food, though, and claimed dietary restrictions

@ughmaybenot not being able to eat food prepared by anyone else is different to ordering a takeaway

If she only ate food she had made herself or was processed/factory produced then I would get it in terms of anxiety. But her being OK with "a takeaway" not even "takeaway-from-this-specific-approved-by-me-place" makes this come across really rude.

@ughmaybenot OCD was my first thought, I doubt anyone would be this restrictive with food just for the fun on it!
Give the poor girl a break until we know the full story people!

How did your friend ask you? Were they apologetic or demanding? If they are a really good friend I would go along with it this time and ask the friends to bring what food the partner wants to eat but make it clear that you will be cooking main, veg, starters, pudding for everyone else and she will be welcome to add to her meal as she would like. You may find she discloses to you once she has met you.

It’s not indescribably rude ffs. Clearly the woman has some kind of anxiety related condition.

Just buy her a ready meal and cook as normal for the rest of you.

Is it a little weird? Yes, but it’s not the end of the world. She’s probably mortified at having to tell you.

If she's that rigid about food then why is he leaving it open-ended wrt ready meals. She should offer to bring her own. As it is, just tell him you don't have the money for takeaways and ready meals and ask her to bring her own.

Cheeky mare! She can bring her own food in a bloody tupperware.

Eat what you are given

or bring your own food.

Of course don't change your plans or buy some cheap and nasty take away because someone is rude!

unless I'm close to someone I don't always disclose mine because if I do I get a million questions about them.

If she's expecting someone else to cater for her, she needs to tell them what her allergies and intolerances are so they can avoid serving her a meal containing the allergens.