Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

Here's some ideas from Asda

groceries.asda.com/search/fresh%20pasta?cmpid=ahc--ghs--asdacom--hp--search-fresh-pasta

She thinks you're out to poison her!

It also occurs to me: maybe she actually thinks it's easier for you. If she herself finds cooking for others stressful (I myself am no domestic goddess, and feel like I'm flunking an exam if I try to do more than the basics with others watching), and either has a less tight budget than you or much more availability of convenient take-aways/ cafes/ pubs, she may genuinely think that she's taking off some of the burden. People who live in town often underestimate the restrictions in some respects for people living in more rural areas.

I have every intention of being kind, he’s brilliant and I’m sure she’s great, hence trying to accommodate them as best we can, being hospitable and making sure they feel welcome and have a decent evening. A big part of that would normally be planning and making a lovely meal so I feel like I’ve lost my hosting crutch.

Thanks for the great ideas.

People who’ve commented who can empathise with her, if we do snacks would you put packets by serving dishes and open them after they arrive in case it’s a hygiene thing?

I can talk to him I’m wary of making it awkward or like they’re putting us out (yes, I know...) so they ideas have been helpful.

*she's hardly likely to be awkward for the fun of it
*
I know so many people who are awkward for the fun of it!

Don't get her a bloody ready meal. If she won't eat the food you're making, she can bring her own.

And while I'm sympathetic to ocd etc, (I live with a child with ARFID), you don't make it someone else's problem. I bring food for him or he eats in advance. I certainly don't expect other people to buy a random takeaway (what if she doesn't like the only type of takeaway that delivers?) when we've been invited for dinner. Because that's just bloody rude.

Just tell him you were thinking of cooking and what does he suggest. Sounds like its not the first time its cropped up, he should be able to help you handle it, after all they'll want to enjoy the evening as well.

I don't like home cooked food at other people's houses either. I have issues with people touching my food.

However, I know that's my issue so I either bring my own food, eat before I go or I suck it up and eat it.

She must be bad with it if she's doing this the first time she's ever met you. Unreasonable to expect you to pay for her takeaway or her micro meal.

I'm autistic and funny with food, but frankly will attempt to eat whatever is served and if I unfortunately wasnt able to eat enough to fill me up will eat when I get home. Although if it's someone I know well they will consider my food preferences and sometimes something as simple as separating food on the plate (eg putting rice on one side and picking out pieces of chicken out the curry on the other means I have no problems) or simply asking to.not be served a part of the meal I'm unable to eat (eg cooked carrots or mushrooms).

I find refusing to eat homemade food at anothers home when invited for a meal AWFULLY rude, and have numerous times attempted to eat meals that have made me feel incredibly ill due to food I'm not able to tolerate.

DH on the other hand has allergies and is lactose intolerant so will just make others aware if we are eating a homemade meal, or will even provide a lactose free alternative if needed.

I really find it hard to think of any justification to be so rude when your a dinner guest at anothers home.
Although I dont have people.over for dinner as I really dont think I could be so polite to someone who refused to eat a meal lovely prepared simply because it was home made.

With someone like that it will be difficult to accommodate so best not to even attempt to.

I would tell your friend " absolutely no problem, tell her to bring whatever she would like to eat and I will cook for the three of us".
No discussion, no problem.
You handle it just like you would a fussy child.
I wouldn't enquire why or what or how.
Carry on and just ignore it.

Please update us with the gossip you discover why she doesn't like other people's home-made food.

Lots of rude people on this thread.

I've got a physical condition which results in me being a bit nervous when I eat because sometimes it causes a problem. I don't eat out or in front of other people because my nervousness then escalates to full blown panic that I'm going to have an "attack" in front of people, then will have to explain my medical condition, and it will be humiliating and embarrassing. I just want to be normal in front of other people, so food related gatherings are a no no.

You can get decent tasting ready meals for £2.50, so saying you can't afford it is going to look incredibly bizarre if you're home cooking and have, presumably, bought all the ingredients.

It would say a lot more about you than it would about her if you followed the advice of many on here to get her something you hope is bland or horrible to punish her.

Buy a pizza from the store and make a lovely meal for the rest of you? Explain that there arent any take away so you'll cook her a pizza? See what he says. Maybe shes best to bring her own so shes happy?

Think I would message back with
'Not really sure what allergy or need I'm catering for here - would it be easier for her to bring something with her?'

or

'Don't want to order something from a takeaway or get a ready meal in without understanding what she is trying to avoid - shall I send you copy of the menu or can you let me know what ingredients she needs to avoid so I don't inadvertently get a ready meal she can't have?

What?! That's bizarre.

Unless for a religious or allergy reasons I'm a bit confused by this!

Ask her what ready meal she wants, buy it in, ding it and give everyone else some yummy home made food.

I have this with family. They will eat a ready meal from certain supermarket only

It is ocd and food phobia - I dont serve this to everyone but make a ready meal she likes for her

I’d absolutely text back —

“Hi xxxxx, just a bit worried that I’ll choose a ready meal she doesn’t like, do you fancy picking her one up on your way so she can eat with us”

That’s fussy eating to the next level! I bet she’s a right idiot

I'd buy a ready meal from M and S (check with your pal if this is OK for her) maybe a pack of pre prepped salad, and regarding the nibbles, if it is nuts, crisps etc I'd put the packets beside the bowl and decant them when she arrives (but again I would ask your friend if these are OK for her)

You sound like a very nice person who is trying to make her feel welcome. When you get to know her better she may tell you more details about why she doesn't eat homemade. It may not actually be that restricted, but she says that as it is easier than going through a list of what she can or can't eat or going into details that may be embarrassing for her.

My grown up niece won't eat in front of other people (not even close family) for complex and personal reasons. It's fine she just eats in another room when we get together. I'd never do all this 'go without' or 'bring your own food' or 'sit with us or don't come' stuff.

Food is only one part of the reason they are coming over - they want to catch up with you, Gf wants to meet you, they want to see your baby etc. All lovely reasons to spend an evening with friends. I wouldn;t risk a friendship over a ready meal. She may turn out to be a lovely person with a problem that goes very deep - that doens;t mean she shouldb't be invited over as some people seem to think.

In this case it is food poisoning related anxiety, plus fear of unknown food plus need to have known thing to eat. It is clinic ocd

You can get ready meals very cheaply from any supermarket. I'd get the cheapest thing possible, so that when she doesn't eat it, you won't be too upset. And cook as normal for everyone else.

So I’m totally normal and a nice person but a few years ago I had this crippling OCD and fear of contamination that meant I couldn’t even have had a glass of water at someone’s house - it was awful and so limiting. I couldn’t have eaten a ready meal or takeaway either though so maybe this isn’t what she has.
Either way; happily over it now.
Cook for yourself and everyone else, she can bring her own. It’s her problem not yours!
Hope it goes ok, Id love to know her reason...

I would try to be understanding. There could be a lot of reasons for this and I have another friend who eats a very restrictive diet like this and has been diagnosed with eating disorder relating to food restriction / phobias

Perhaps she could cook the meal in your kitchen.