Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

[AnneLovesGilbert]

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

Do you have a 'Cook' anywhere near you? I find their food very good and there's lots of choice. Obviously more expensive than cooking your own, but much cheaper than a takeaway.

Suggesting she bring whatever she would like to eat is definitely the safest option. I hope she is more fun than she sounds! But at least you will get to meet her and find out what on earth your friend sees in her.

Breezy text, "best pick up a ready meal she likes and bring it with you. I will cook something for everyone else."

@GiveHerHellFromUs luckily I don’t have to deal with what my sister does, and obviously you and I can logically see that a takeaway is probably no more hygienic than a home cooked meal, but she doesn’t. And I’m sure as hell not going to be a dickhead and point out that flaw in her logic, just for her to be even more limited and have more to worry herself literally sick about. It’s a mental illness. Some compassion and attempt at understanding wouldn’t go amiss is all I’m saying. The whole story isn’t known.

You need to find out why. I'm very cautious about eating food prepared by others unless I know them well and trust them - and there are some people I wouldn't trust to pour a glass of water. But I have a medically restricted diet, and getting it wrong has consequences.

But even if it's a hygiene thing, it's no weirder than the normal-for Mums Net staple beliefs relating to poos in the guest loo, toilet brushes, etc.

So she eats takeaway food but not much nicer homemade food! Obviously no taste. I would get her a ready meal and cook a lovely meal for the rest of you.

Give her a dish of pombears

Can I come instead? I've always lived on my own so that's 18 years of making every brew and meal for myself
I'll just have a cup of tea and some toast and be happy

This is bloody weird. And rude.

The only similar thing I've known is a my friends DD went through a phase when she was about 13/14 of only eating anything that had come out of a shop bought, sealed package. So, if you offered her a slice of cake she wouldn't eat it. If you opened a shop-bought box of cakes and she watched you opened the packet, she eat one.
I think it was an obsession with germs and food poisoning.

Luckily the phase didn't last long and she's 17 now and well over it

I would do as PP have said. Cooked a lovely 3 course meal and get her in a few horrible plasticy ready meals. Lovingly enjoy your food in front of her. She ought to be embarrassed.

Fray Bentos pie in a tin. With tinned peas and tinned potatoes. Job done.

ANY homemade food? That's a strange restriction. I would suggest that she brings her own food that she knows she can eat.

M&S do some fairly nice things you can just shove in the oven, as do Waitrose - would she accept something like that? If the friend was a good friend I would just roll with it for their sake.

The thing is, regardless of the reasons, she should not expect the OP to shell out for a much more expensive option just for her. Anyone with a hint of social awareness would say "I'd love to come for the evening but I am a pain in the bum when it comes to food so I'll bring my own meal if thats ok with you"

SHe gets food she can eat, the OP doesnt feel put upon and they still have a good evening. Making a fuss like this suggest attention seeking more than anything else.....

A bit crazy but at least it will be easy to cater for her.

Could they come for drinks instead?

Alternatively, I'd give her the cheapest ready meal I could find and let her eat that whist you all enjoy your meals.

Perhaps she’s a MNer. I’ve seen plenty of threads over the years with posters claiming that they would chuck out a casserole brought over by a well-meaning friend or that they never eat other people’s baking. They must exist in the wild somewhere.

Isn’t it just bitchy to take the piss, there may be genuine reasons why she avoids home cooked food. Just grab a couple of ready made lasagnas and suck it up. No one knows what’s happening in her head

This is the kind of weirdness I look for on MN. Thanks, OP

Literally doesn't matter whether she has OCD, anxiety, whatever.

No mental health condition makes it so you can dictate what other people around you are eating in their own home.

If she has her own meal while everyone else eats something homemade, that's a suitable compromise for someone with any type of mental health problem. I have a friend who actually does have OCD and anxiety and has many food restrictions. She would never dream of telling people that everyone had to eat the same as her!

Anyone who makes this as a demand, and isn't willing to compromise, isn't dealing with OCD or anxiety, but some sort of power trip where they like having control over others.

Fundamentally the issue is you can’t afford their suggestion so they need to look at other options. You can’t spend what you don’t have.

@thenightsky. Urgh you've just reminded me of a horrible meal I had to ensure as a child. Every. Bloody. Week! not envy

I always say “take away”to my disgusting but enthusiastic home cook friend. I know she doesn’t wash her hands after the loo, tastes everything and chucks the spoon back in, has grubby finger nails etc. She even passes you the coffee cup with her minging fingers holding the rim. Boak.
Aside from that she’s lovely though.

I would suggest she brings her own food. Do nice homemade for 3.

I have a friend like this- in his case it comes from his arsehole former housemates tricking him into eating something that contained cannabis and he didn’t have a great reaction to it. He’s a nice guy and is always happy to come earlier and help with the food prep but I wouldn’t suggest this if you don’t know them all that well. I’d tell them to bring their own ready meal or push the evening back by an hour and just do drinks.

Who does she think prepares take aways?

Indeed.

He hasn’t said what the issue is. I love cooking, my kitchen is respectable enough and I’ve got friends and family with allergies, coeliac, veggies, vegans, so I’d happily accommodate her and want them both to be comfortable.

Shop pizza is a good idea.

He’s lovely, he’s an old colleague of DH who he’s back in touch with and we’re looking forward to seeing them. We set up a date and he straight away said “really looking forward to dinner with you guys, meeting the baby, DP doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses but a takeaway or ready meals would be fine”. I was so taken aback I just said “oh yes, of course, that’s great” Like a muppet.

I was planning the food shop earlier and realised I don’t have a clue what to provide. The one takeaway option we have would probably be okay but we don’t really bother for ourselves so I’d want them to really enjoy it and I don’t know if they would.

It’s just the four of us and I don’t want to be a shit host and make either of them feel awkward. But equally, I don’t have a bloody clue about ready meals and I’ll feel like an even shitter host and serve a crap meal.