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Original poster

Dinner guest who won’t eat homemade food

571 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2020 18:00

We’ve got a friend and his partner coming for dinner soon, this is the first time we’ll meet her. She doesn’t eat homemade food at other people’s houses so he suggested a takeaway or ready meals. We can’t go out as we’re rural as there isn’t anywhere close enough and we have a baby.

We love having people over and both really enjoy cooking so I don’t how to approach it. Money is a bit tight and we can only get takeaway from one place. If we got ready meals should I check what they like first? Would providing nibbles before the meal be okay if I open the packets in front of them?

Any advice?

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 13/02/2020 09:17

As I said, the request for takeaway or ready meals was so that they could extricate themselves from the dinner without the guilt that the host had already bought/cooked a full-on dinner party extravaganza (or even spag bog).

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/02/2020 09:18

Pam don't pretend that using the app is the issue. The poster above you specifically said they were no longer attending and you still had to give your spiel.

I'm also using the app and I'm fully capable of taking 30 seconds to look for updates.

beanii · 13/02/2020 09:20

Just cook what you were going to - she is an adult ffs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
anonacfr · 13/02/2020 09:50

It wasn't the original request that was rude, it's the way it was phrased.
No 'sorry but/I hope it's not an issue' etc

Followed by the 'we'll let you know on the day', you know the guy (jury's out on the GF) is an entitled prat.

Twenty2 · 13/02/2020 10:10

'Why don't posters read the OP's updates FFS?'

'because those of us using the app can't see the updates without scrolling and scrolling and scrolling looking for the op highlighted in green'

I seem to manage just fine, by, you know, actually reading the thread before commenting.

ralfeesmum · 13/02/2020 10:33

She's an attention seeker.

And given the frequent news items about takeaways being taken to court by the Environmental Health people due to utterly disgusting backroom storage premises it's odd that she'd settle for something like that......

MerryDeath · 13/02/2020 10:41

all of you people shouting RTFT how much free time do you need to read all ~500 messages? why can't @mumsnet make it easier for us to see OP posts/updates with a filter without all the comments.

Twenty2 · 13/02/2020 10:58

I actually have the app beta and do have a filter for user names. I rarely use it, though. I think if it was rolled out for everyone, hardly anyone would RTFT, especially the people who endlessly echo the most obvious response. "Cancel the cheque", anyone?

Ginfordinner · 13/02/2020 11:09

You can highlight the OP's posts. It just takes seconds to scroll back to highlighted posts.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/02/2020 11:15

all of you people shouting RTFT how much free time do you need to read all ~500 messages? why can't @mumsnet make it easier for us to see OP posts/updates with a filter without all the comments.

But if 500 messages are already too much to expect anybody to have the time or inclination to read, what is to be achieved by adding the 501st? Why post if you aren't expecting anybody to read what you've posted?

It's a bit like complaining about 'all of these cars' stopping you from getting where you need to when standing still in traffic, when you are every bit as much a part of everybody's congestion problem as they all are.

Yes, the OP's posts and updates are usually the most pertinent ones, but the whole idea of a forum is that it's loads of other people reacting to those posts and also to each others'. Frequently, threads move on and develop far beyond the bounds of the first OP. A forum is for everybody to interact; if you're only replying to the OP and not expecting anybody else to engage, you might as well just scrap the 'reply to thread' function and have all replies by PM.

Twenty2 · 13/02/2020 11:33

Completely agree @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 13/02/2020 11:37

I would have thought there'd be more of an issue with allergies with takeaways than home cooked food. Sounds like she's just fussy or has an issue with people's food hygiene, which would be quite misguided in the case of takeaways. Some takeaways have had horrific reports for food hygiene inspections, they tend to be the ones that advertise on places like Just Eat, according to a documentary I saw, and looking at the ones local to us. I doubt the good, busy restaurants need to offer that service.

FinallyHere · 13/02/2020 11:42

how much free time do you need to read all

What is the point of adding a comment based on your opinion when you have purposefully not read the full thread?

For the record, as soon as I am moved to comment, I write it but hold off posting til I have RTFT. As I read more, I often amend it. If everyone has already covered what I might want to say I might delete my version or at least acknowledge that it's repetitive

Only good manners to listen to others before posting your reaction. And, on this thread, there is an update that clarifies the non-sense so a win-win

Lizhunter · 13/02/2020 11:52

My son exact same, eats food from minging takeaways and restaurant but won't eat from people's houses, I must add my hose is spotless, was taken aback at first but now realive he has a phobia because of things that happened in the past, so don't take offence anymore.

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 11:53

@annelovesgilbert

I'll be at yours tomorrow at a time I decide. Please be ready from 5pm.

Also I would prefer a plate of cash instead of a meal. As you are hosting I trust this will be no problem.

Oh and finally I only sit on regal thrones. I wanted to tell you today so you have ample time to arrange this should you not have one at your disposal.

See you tomorrow.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/02/2020 11:54

If everyone has already covered what I might want to say I might delete my version

Same here. I often have a comment that I would like to be added to the discussion, but if it's already been perfectly well made, I think 'job done' and don't bother - I don't feel the need to have my own username next to it. I might quote it and add 'I completely agree' or 'well said', to support and add a little demographic weight to what the poster said - or add only the extra bits that I wanted to say which haven't yet been covered.

Otherwise, it's a bit like that kid at school who, when somebody would tell a long rambling joke involving an old lady arbitrarily called Joan, would insist on re-telling the entire thing again with the protagonist now called Mary, as they originally heard it - even though her name doesn't matter a fig to the funny part of the joke in any way.

IrmaFayLear · 13/02/2020 11:54

It's funny, there's this conversation going on about reading the thread, and still people are coming on having just read the OP !!! It shows they don't even read a couple of posts above, just steam in with their opinion. Sigh.

Happygirl79 · 13/02/2020 12:08

Just politely ask if she has allergies and if so you will cater with this in mind?
Wait for their response

Jux · 13/02/2020 12:08

If you don't have the time or inclination to RTFT then what point is there to your commenting on it? Smacks of massive narcissism to me. Why do you think - when you are not even in possession of the facts available on thread, let alone the full facts - that your opinion, advice or comment is worth giving at all.

And MN do make it easy to see the OP's posts, and many people point this out every time someone complains. Do an AS and find out - unless you're too busy with your very important stuff which the rest of us lowly mortals aren't.

And of course, you could do a 'find on page' for OP's name, which will work on anything.

Regardless of how important everything else in your life is, if you have time to piss about on a site, then you have time to help yourself to learn how to use it properly.

MadMadaMim · 13/02/2020 12:10

There could be a million reasons /explanations for the unusual dinner request. This doesn't automatically make people weird or rude etc.

A simple, honest message for more info
"hi. I was thinking of doing lasagne and salad for dinner - I'll cook ours and get an oven ready meal lasagne for your DP. Would this work for you? Or maybe let me know her favourite/preferred ready meal which I can get for her and then try and cook something similar for us. I love to cook and don't mind doing so for the 3 of us, however if you'd prefer we all have the same ready meal, that's not a problem. As long as we're all well fed and watered ;)

We're so looking forward to seeing you and meeting your DP"

But either he wasn’t that bothered or she’s not keen.
or maybe she's pregnant and having a difficult time. Or maybe there are other factors you know nothing about that make it difficult for them to come over. And maybe they're disappointed as they were really looking forward to reconnecting.

Maybe

cherrybath · 13/02/2020 12:13

I agree, she should bring her own food and you can cook a lovely meal for everybody else. How rude she is!

MimiLaRue · 13/02/2020 12:14

Regardless of how important everything else in your life is, if you have time to piss about on a site, then you have time to help yourself to learn how to use it properly

This always makes me laugh too! You are so busy and have so little precious time, yet you have time to type out useless advice (which IS useless if you bothered to read the update) and then post yet again moaning that you have so little time. The time spent moaning about how busy you are could have been used to read updates (they are in green so its pretty easy to scroll through quickly).

I mean, if youre really so busy then why are you even on MN in the first place?

Ibiza7 · 13/02/2020 12:15

Suggest they collect the takeaway on their way to you and offer your half.

DevilsAdv0caat · 13/02/2020 12:32

If you don't RTFT are you too lazy, too stupid, or just think your input after 500+ comments is so important and insightful you must spew it onto the page without a second thought if the thread has moved on? Love to know.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/02/2020 12:32

all of you people shouting RTFT how much free time do you need to read all ~500 messages? I don't, I read the first page and if it looks interesting I read the last couple of pages to see where it's got to. It's silly to assume that after 20 or more pages nobody else has suggested either she's got an eating disorder or she's a CF give her a ready meal.