Most useless thing you know how to do

[NotARealAvery]

I know how to say ‘I am 13 years old’ I’m now 32 and count up to 10 in German.

That’s all I can remember from my German lessons in school.

I've just realised that I have another skill even less useful than fire-eating: I can read hieroglyphs. Strangely I have never once been asked to do that at a children's party .

@Greenandcabbagelooking 'I can tell the sex of a dried sardine. Even as a science teacher, this is a useless skill'

Now that is something I'd love to know how to do! No idea why

I can recite the Periodic Table and give the number and atomic weight of each element if anyone wants to know - no one ever wants to know.

I can juggle with one hand
Do a handstand and walk on my hands
Shoot a ball into the netball net 10 times out of10 from the edge of the Line.

I can write in runic. Although it's not useless. It's good for writing shopping lists of gifts at christmas/birthdays, so that if the recipient sees the list, the presents are still a surprise.

Blow through my hands to make an owl noise. I did impress a child once. Just the once

I can recite the kings and queens of England from 1066 to date.

saint, I can knit with two pens. I was bored at work once, had some wool and no needles...

I can tie lots of different knots but pretty much only use overhand knots in real life as I don't go boating or climbing or anything where it might be useful to tie anything else!

@namechange1041 @Blackeyedsusan I assumed everyone could do both of these

Does shrinking crisp packets in the oven and not telling your kids' mates how you did it count?

I can sing "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" in Icelandic.

I have never visited Iceland.

whatkatydidnot, can you still shrink crisp packets? I used to love doing that and making key rings.

I can turn a bog-standard everyday garden shrub into a bonsai tree.

Give me some strong twine and half and hour, and I'll give you a lovely headcollar for your horse

Play musical instruments. Not once has my family gathered around the pianoforte to listen to mother play, and I'm not good or keen enough to play any instrument for a meaningful purpose ie get paid for it.

I can type and hold a pen in my hand at the same time. Quite handy if you are going to be inputting a whole load of info from a list onto your accounts computer and need to tick things off as you go. You don't have to bother putting the pen down and picking it up again after every entry.

I can order two pints of beer in Welsh. I tried to learn Welsh once. That's the only phrase that stuck. I still remember hello, please and thank you though as I'm inherently polite.

I can sing along to I Will Do Anything for Love by Meatloaf absolutely word perfect, including all changes. No use, but fun in the car. (And now I'm going to have it in my head as I go to bed).

I can also cross my toes. I didn't know that was a thing.

I can speak and understand pig Latin perfectly. My dad taught me when I was about 8. It impresses my children when they hear it on a TV show and I can translate.

Passing exams. I’m really good at it. But it’s not a useful transferable skill.

I can iceskate

I can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in numbers, thanks to a mini pocket piano (and accompanying instruction booklet) I got from Father Christmas when I was 6.

I sing it like this...

One one, five five, six six, Five,
Four four, three three, two two, ooonnne,
Five five, four four, three three, twwoo,
Five five, four four, three three, twoo,
One one, five five, six six, fiiive,
Four four, three three, two two, ooonnne

🤣

I have a good memory of tube routes. Not very useful these days as I live in Derbyshire.

I can say "I have a teaspoon in my mouth" in eight languages. I aim to add as many languages as I can over the next few years.

Break into a wooden locker with a wire coat hanger.
Get out of a sports car in a short skirt without showing my knickers.
Do a full curtsy down to the ground and up without falling

All thoroughly useless and learned at a pretty useless school.

Not me, but i was very impressed. I was chatting to lady whilst at the supermarket. I was pregnant and she told me she was a midwife before she retired. She stepped back,looked at my bump and said "let me guess, 32 weeks?" She was right!