Most useless thing you know how to do

[NotARealAvery]

I know how to say ‘I am 13 years old’ I’m now 32 and count up to 10 in German.

That’s all I can remember from my German lessons in school.

I can write Shalom. I have no need for it, but I tend to pick up odd words in other languages.

@PenguinsOnParade me too!
I am also learning the state capitals to go with my alphabetical (forwards and backwards) state learning.

I can juggle. I should find a circus to join!

Pair up with @MacavityTheDentistsCat. The glockenspiel choir can open for you.

Tie a highwayman's hitch.

It used to be a useful knot to know whenever DD was given a helium balloon at a party or at restaurants. It kept it safely tied to the back of her chair but was quick and easy to release when it was time to go.

Now that helium is in short supply, we don't get floaty balloons any more so my niche skill is pretty much useless.

I can
Solve the rubix cube. Seems impressive to some, until you realise that there are 5 steps (algorithms) to learn once you can solve the first layer yourself and line up the first layer colours by eye. Impresses my primary kids in my class - does NOT impress my teenage daughter.

Sign the full alphabet.

Play the recorder.

I know how many minutes are in a (non leap) year due to the song Seasons of Love. So does DD, which allowed her to answer a maths question in high school maths without doing any working out. When her teacher was impressed and asked how she did it, she replied that her Mum played the song in the car and it stuck.

I can count to 10, in French, Spanish and German thanks to daughters GCSE. In Japanese thanks to daughters karate lessons and Indonesian, Mandarin and Cantonese thanks to living in the far east for many years NONE of it is any use working in B&Q

Probably just a really big mouth @Cherrysoup 😂😂

I can make three different kinds of balloon animals since I did a workshop thing at a company away day. I can do a snail, a cobra, and a fencing sword. I used to make them at parties as a show-off special skill, because they really do look impressive, but inevitably after I'd finished somebody would say "Ooh, can you do me a giraffe?" And I'd have to say "Erm, I can do another snail in a different colour?"

I can play the Imperial March on my tenor recorder. It only ever impressed my eldest child.
I know all the words to the SpongeBob Square pants theme. Thanks ds2.
I can not only touch my nose with my tongue, I can put it up a nostril a little way too. I can roll my tongue and use it as a straw.
I can count to ten in Japanese, which I learned when I did karate. Neither abilities are any use to me now.

Name Henry 8th wives in order. There's not much call for that skill down my way...

Ooh, I can also play silent night on the recorder, can I join the choir too?

Hickory Dickory Dock in Gaelic! 3 years of Saturday classes and that's it - nothing else, just the rhyme!

@CigarsofthePharoahs - of course! The more the merrier.

@gingajewel 😂👄

Program a video recorder

I can milk goats very quickly.

@VenusClapTrap I can sex a vole is hilarious!

I can raise both eyebrows individually, and also wiggle either ear at will. The eyebrow thing is helpful for some facial expressions. The ear thing has no use whatsoever.

I can three point turn a yacht, fuck all use now I live 100 miles inland

I can say “will you be my girlfriend?” in Spanish. I’m a heterosexual female.

I have a license to drive a scissor lift.

I can tell the sex of a dried sardine. Even as a science teacher, this is a useless skill.

BSL is a really useful one though. I can sign a little, I find it hard to get my head around the grammar of BSL. I also can't sign and speak unless I use SSE, as signing one part of the sentence whilst saying another is too much multitasking!

Not sure why BSL would be classed as 'useless'
I can sing 99 red balloons in German and the Fraggle Rock theme tune in french. Now THOSE are useless skills...

I can lick my own tonsils

I can solder wires onto a circuit board. Only used it once in 42 years.

Fingerknitting.