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Original poster

Most useless thing you know how to do

232 replies

NotARealAvery · 01/02/2020 12:43

I know how to say ‘I am 13 years old’ I’m now 32 and count up to 10 in German.

That’s all I can remember from my German lessons in school.

OP posts:
mazylou · 02/02/2020 09:30

I can use goffering irons (totally useless unless you’re trying to press and starch ruffled collars).

Sittinonthefloor · 02/02/2020 09:37

I can shear a sheep. I don’t have any sheep.

FamilyOfAliens · 02/02/2020 09:42

Recite the definition of an ampère by heart, learned for my O-level Physics exam taken in 1977 Grin

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 02/02/2020 09:44

Put up a drum kit.(on a music tour with school) I don’t play drums.

GetTheGoodLookingGuy · 02/02/2020 10:36

@LauraLooDerby, I can do the books of the Bible too! And the States of America. I also taught myself to locate all the states on a map over Christmas - off to find the game to check I still can! (I have to have daft rhymes to remember some of them - "Wisconsin is everything" because I used to keep clicking on Wisconsin for everything I didn't know, "Kentucky is chicken" because according to my brother it looks like a piece of chicken).

Devonishome1 · 02/02/2020 10:39

I can hold a pigeon correctly

Tyrozet · 02/02/2020 10:48

I can wire a plug - but that's useful, surely?

I can dislocate my thumb and put it back.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/02/2020 10:50

I know Port passing etiquette for many different regiments of the British Army... And yes, it does vary!

FrangipaniBlue · 02/02/2020 10:57

Solve a Rubiks Cube
Make a chicken out of a tea towel
Raise one eyebrow
Count to 20 in Old Cumbrian
Know Pythagoras Theorem

I have a knack for remembering random useless facts so DH and DS call me the "Font of Useless Information" Grin

FrangipaniBlue · 02/02/2020 10:59

According to DH I can also start an argument in an empty room Hmm

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 02/02/2020 11:05

I can recite the books of the Bible in order. It earned me points at Sunday school but still not enough to buy the zip up Bible from the Sunday School shop.

I'm not bitter.....

JigsawsAreInPieces · 02/02/2020 11:16

I can also start an argument in an empty room

Mine says this too, about me. To be fair it's only for a few minutes once a month Blush but I could on occasion hear myself being so unreasonable (and being unable to shut me up!) that I would have cheerfully given me a slap!

I've learned to go for a long solitary walk around my garden at that time so I can swear at the trees. Smile

Walkon · 02/02/2020 11:17

I know how to sign 'cup of tea' in sign language and also 'thank you' . We had deaf kids at our school and we could attend sign language classes at lunchtime. I was desperate to learn and tried really hard, unfortunately that's all I can remember.

MarinaMarinara · 02/02/2020 11:21

I can...

  • sing TLC’s Waterfalls, word perfect, in perfect time, including the rap bit.
  • tie a bow tie. Which was sort of useful for my male friends at university.
  • make apparently excellent brioche (which is and always has been made almost entirely out of ingredients that I cannot eat).
  • fire a crossbow impressively accurately. I don’t own a crossbow.
  • communicate in semaphore.
Hefzi · 02/02/2020 11:24

I can recite the entire Qu'ran from memory. I am not-nor ever have been - Muslim.

iklboo · 02/02/2020 11:24

Wire a plug
Make a hospital corner bed
Bend just the first knuckle on each finger
Stand on my ankles (fold my feet under and weight bear on the ankles. Probably not a good thing to do)
Say the alphabet backwards
Mimic lots of accents so well people think I'm from the area
Make friends with practically every cat I meet
See anagrams as the word they're supposed to be (eg not as the anagram)

MarchBorn · 02/02/2020 11:25

Drive a manual car.

DGRossetti · 02/02/2020 11:27

I can cast a horoscope from scratch with just the books of houses and an ephemeris.

Not only is there not much call for that these days, but there wasn't when I learned.

isthispuddinoramalang · 02/02/2020 11:32

I can tell you that " a thousand pence is fourpoundthreeandfourpence".

I can play "Ode to Joy" on a recorder
(Actually, I used that skill on Friday )

iklboo · 02/02/2020 11:32

I can cast a horoscope from scratch with just the books of houses and an ephemeris.

Skim read that as 'books of houses and an elephant' Grin

PenguinsOnParade · 02/02/2020 11:35

I can say "fuck off" "fuck you" and "I love you" in Cantonese.

I can recite the US states in alphabetical order. Currently working on trying to remember all the capitals now.

MrsJoshNavidi · 02/02/2020 11:35

I can say "Warsaw is the capital of Poland" in Polish and "the town hall is right and then left" in German.

I can set fire to a Christmas pudding

I can recite the "Is this a dagger I see before me" speech from Macbeth off by heart

I can recite large parts of "John Gilpin" off by heart.

Why don't kids need to learn stuff off by heart any more?

FrangipaniBlue · 02/02/2020 11:36

It's a skill @JigsawsAreInPieces GrinGrin

FrangipaniBlue · 02/02/2020 11:39

Why don't kids need to learn stuff off by heart any more?

Mobile phones and Google - bastards!

ColdWinterChild · 02/02/2020 11:41

I taught myself runes at primary school. I still remember them and occasionally wrote things out, but it is such a useless skill

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