We're you parented into your teen years, in the 90s?

[Woeisme99]

I was born in 82, so a teenager for most of the 90s. I was talking to a friend today and realised that I wasn't really "parented" beyond about 12 years old.

This absolutely isn't a sob story, and seemed quite normal at the time, but looking back there was:
No input into my GCSE options
No help / guidance in getting a Saturday job and being taught how to behave at work
No interest really in what I spent pocket money on
No real interest in what I'd been doing providing I was home in time
No supervision of homework etc
No deep conversations about relationships / friendships / anything really.

I felt loved, but like I was a mini adult and was supposed to just get on with things. Now I have my own dc I can't imagine setting them on their path in their early teens.

Does anyone of around my age have any comparison, is this just how things were then? Really interested to hear other people's experiences.

Re the GCSEs and alevel and uni...well tbh if you can't manage your own school work at that age, somethings not right

While I agree with this to some extent, the decisions were mine alone and I’m grateful for that it would have been nice just to have the conversation about it with them and some reassurance that I was doing the right thing. The revision guide comment really resonates, not so much with that but many times in life I’ve been amazed when people do things that have just never occurred to me I could do.

Yep - 1974 born and the idea of my parents having anything to do with my UCAS application or choice of university, or especially going with me to open days would have seemed intrusive and insulting - not just to me but to any of my friendship group who went to university.

Obviously there were no fees to pay back then, but there were also no grants for most people (means tested grants - parents did have to declare their income) and most parents contributed at least something to their university student offspring's rent/ food costs, so it wasn't really quite none of our parents' business... We certainly saw it mostly that way though

My parents went to university on full universally available grants and were both the first of their generation to go; their parents had had no input so we're confident I'd also sort myself out capably. To be honest they would have weighed in heavily if I'd been applying for their subject, but as I was completely opposed to that and my interests were the polar opposite academically to theirs they wouldn't have had much of a clue - although my mother tried to weigh in occasionally with recommendations that I go to Bristol, Durham or Edinburgh because they were "good" universities and her nice friends had nice children (who I didn't know) going there. She knew nothing about which universities were actually good for my subject, and I didn't expect her to. I sought out the relevant teachers at my six form college for advice, wrote off for brochures and bought a Which University book, and talked endlessly to my friends about choices. We visited universities together and no parents were involved except in a couple of cases to let us use the car!

The world has changed but I actually preferred the independence of 70s born, late 80s/ very early 90s A level and university choices/ application/ study.

Although my parents had degrees they also would have been as much help with my A levels as my younger siblings, because I studied completely different subjects - it wouldn't have occurred to me to expect them to help with school work after the age of 12 or so anyway, but I never saw that as a bad thing.

Tbh while I still help my 8 year old with homework (we live abroad and he gets a lot of homework daily) and help my 12 year old sometimes - mainly when he has a presentation or longer project, not with daily short pieces of homework - my main homework input with my 14 year old is to sympathise and help with logistics if she has to do a group project. Otherwise I ask whether she's done her homework and if she asks test her on her french vocabulary - otherwise she's 98% independent with school work and I do believe this is the ideal.

We do talk a lot about 6th form choices though.

Born around the same time. Definitely parented up to finished uni (in the holidays). But often parents’ attention was in big demand as multiple siblings, so I helped out with their school work or breaking up their fights etc. It was a good set up and parents now v involved in my kids and my siblings occasionally help too. I am immigrant though and parents had big emphasis on education.

I didn't go back to my parental home during university holidays because decent summer work was hard to get to from theirs and easy in my university town. It was also just more fun to stay. I only visited my parents for stretches of a week at most, more often 3 or 4 days, after leaving for university. Again I was happy that way and didn't feel a need to be parented at 19, 20, 21+

This thread is such an eye opener. Sixties baby here. First generation to university. Multiple siblings the same. Parents helped or at least offered sounding board for Olevel, Alevels. Also UCAA form (as was). Also university interviews. I would have been taken aback if they didn't .
I remember a mid teens school trip abroad which required an early morning start and a lift to a railway station. My Mum (Irish immigrant herself) was massively judgy about the excessive bitching about it of another parent. She couldn't believe they were so whiny about the inconvenience to them and not bigging up the trip or just being low key and supporting their kid with a hug.

I was later, so I was a teen in the early 2000s but still wasn't parented as I was the youngest of 4. I had unrestricted access to the internet from the age of about 10, and I would stay up until 12am from Year 6 onwards on MSN chatrooms with my parents absolutely clueless. I am terrified of my own children discovering the internet for this reason.

I was bright and always did well without trying in school so they had no interest in my schoolwork other than to tell me to be a doctor or lawyer so they could show off to their friends. I got straight A*s but had no interest in following their suggestions and later dropped out of my humanities course at university.

They certainly had no idea where I was or what I was doing from about 11 onwards.

Yep same, I was born in 85.

No support or interest in homework so never did it.
No support with GCSEs so never revised.
Was pretty much allowed out to whatever time I wanted ... just dont be home late, was what I was told 🤷🏻‍♀️
Although I did once go to a school friends after school, didn't tell me my mum, came home around 6/7 and my mum went ape shit! It was the first sign she gave a shit to be honest !

Born 85 and my experience was exactly the same as OP, I had a great family, I don’t resent them at all but I think it was just the done thing. They didn’t know any better, no one knew how things would change on the world and how competitive the jobs market ect would get

I think it depends on the personality. I don't think my parents were overly restricting by today's standards, but I always wanted more freedom. I went to uni at 18, was never given any money, survived with my student loan. I used to come back at weekends and holidays but I never moved back home, I was the oldest of 5, 3 of which were born after I left so there was no room for me! My mum did care but she was invested in looking after younger children. I've never had any financial help apart from maybe once for a fine when my car got towed, but I paid it all back.

Yes I don’t blame them, they had a much harder childhood and were also independent from an early age, doing all the chores from 10/11 and working full time at 15-16 to pay board. They did their best and I never doubted they loved and cared for us, just seems so different from today.