My 15 year old wants to try weed

[Fingernail]

This is a ridiculous and hipocritical situation! My dad tells me everything and I should be happy that she is so honest and open. I knew this time would come, but assumed that she would sneak off and do it secretly. I suppose I thought it might NOT happen as her friendship group is mostly religious and culturally they just aren’t going to take any drugs or try alcohol. But dd is curious. She wants to do it at home with a friend! I don’t know whether to agree to this. I am also considering getting her the weed, so I can make sure that she doesn’t end up with something too strong.

This is a ridiculous situation. I’ve taken shed loads of drugs myself but I don’t know how to respond to this.( She doesn’t know I have taken ANY drugs...mostly she has assumed and I haven’t corrected her!) WWYD?

@roisinagusniamh out of interest, how old are your kids? You do know some teens DO lack confidence and are immature

I’m confident that dd is developing appropriately, thanks for your concern though

Thank you @Rhia1234

All young adults.And each doing well.
I’m sure one or two still has the odd splif though.
Please seek profession help.
You are too involved.

As I said, no I’m not

• @fjreflycaramel yes, I imagine we move in different circles. And yes, I am sure you and your dd are far superior to me and mine, in every way. Congratulations*

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. I'm not the one considering supplying my child with illegal drugs. If that means you think I am superior then you go right ahead, I don't have a problem with that.

OP, I admire how much you're thinking this through, trying to arrive at the best outcome for your daughter.

I'm not at all against people using weed, my concern is more around your DD's age.

I was raised in a very hippy environment and although most of the parents didn't allow the children to partake in any drugs, one boy was smoking weed at home from a similar age to your dd.

He went onto be diagnosed with schizophrenia at around 19 and as a result had a terrible accident resulting in severe mental and physical disabilities.

This is clearly just a one-off tragic case and yet I believe it's in line with the studies which talk about the dangers of young people using weed.

Saying all of that, if you feel your daughter is going to try it anyway, I appreciate this is not such a clear cut decision for you.

Wishing you all the best with whatever decision you come to.

No
Parents can say NO
good parents do ...often !!!!!

I understand where you’re coming from too. My dd is only 6, but I’d love to have an open relationship with her when she’s older.
I think it’s great that she’s talking to you and like others have said I’d use it as an opportunity to talk to her about why she shouldn’t be taking drugs. I don’t think ethical arguments can be dismissed unless she’s going to be growing her own.

I also think you need to accept that she probably will ignore you and make bad choices (probably not just about drugs) but that’s just part of the learning process and being a teen. You don’t need to micromanage her mistakes. Just let her know that you’ll be there for her to talk to after.

It sounds like you've got a really trusting relationship so you should be able to explain to her the reasons why you are not comfortable with this. Starting with 'if anyone found out i would be reported to social services.' Or 'if you reacted badly to it I would be entirely responsible.'

Discuss drugs from a different angle. The fact that they are illegal means that many people have been exploited for you to have a high. Lots of kids these days are more aware of where things come from and ethical implications. Is she ok with 12 year olds being exploited by gangs even if it is only weed?

Finally, youre assuming her curiosity needs to be fed for it to be satisfied. This is possibly swayed by your own experiences. A lot of people are curious about things but weigh it up and move on. Worse though, what if she loves the experience? What if it encouraged her to have other experiences?

@lowlandLucky I asked that question. She apparently is allowed to smoke at home with older siblings

The simple bit true fact of life is you become like those that you closely associate with - good or bad.

It’s not normal for kids at 15 to be taking mind altering substances.

It’s definitely not noramal for parents to be buying them for the kids.

Be very careful op you don’t have social services knocking on your door. Because I’d 100% calling them if you gave my daughter them.

Brokenlightfitting very similar situation in my family too.

Kids need education on this not supervised allowance.

Op. You are getting a really tough time here . I think you have done a brilliant job so far, in that your teenager talks to you . Trust this relationship when you tell your teenager that you cannot help her do this. I would calmly lay out all the reasons you can't go her do this. ( eg. Wanting to experience something is not a good reason to break the law, she is too young etc etc. ). Tell her you know she can of.course do this on her own as you won't be able to stop her but that you really don't think it is a good idea,you don't want her to do it yet and that you definitely can'tt help her do something to herself that you feel could be harmful to her.

Then trust your relationship with her to withstand , even is she does do it anyway.

@fjreflycaramel I DONT feel inferior. It’s clear you and many others here, think yourselves superior, though

You're a parent, not a best friend.
You need to establish boundaries to safeguard children.

It is great that your teen can talk to you and please keep talking to her, but as parents we need to say "no."

@fjreflycaramel I DONT feel inferior. It’s clear you and many others here, think yourselves superior, though

I have not claimed to be superior, you are the one that brought it up. If you think I am being superior then you obviously are recognising that your way of being a parent is inferior. If the cap fits.

A good parent does not provide their child with illegal drugs.

I’m a pretty decent role model nowadays I think.

If you were a decent role model your 15 year old would by be aware of your stances on big ticket items like illegal drug taking. She would be aware of the social, health, legal, and criminal issues around drugs.

If she thinks it was even a remote possibility at 15 years old for her to smoke illegal drugs in your home with your consent, then no, you are miles away from being a good role model.

•The simple bit true fact of life is you become like those that you closely associate with - good or bad•

It’s really tedious trying to wade through all the fucking nonsense on this friend. My dd has a really wide eclectic friendship group. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to become like them all. Her inner circle as it were are girls from very observant Muslim families. She isn’t about to start with the hijab and Koran!!

I’m done here. Thanks for those that posted in a useful way. We have had another chat about it this morning, off the back of that

And thanks to those that have taken time to send me private messages, I really appreciate it

For your daughter’s sake I hope you seek some professional advice on boundaries and the like.

Not that I'm condoning OP dieting it herself!!

But, I hate reading threads like this.
I can't associate with most posters. Most seem totally naive.

I found out that many 15 years olds at local schools were going to party's and drinking and taking drugs. It is widespread. These are very naice kids, top schools, top sets, professional parents.

It goes on a lot. Clearly most puritanical posters just don't realise how prevalent it is.

I found out that many 15 years olds at local schools were going to party's and drinking and taking drugs. It is widespread. These are very naice kids, top schools, top sets, professional parents

And it goes on in council estates too!

And it will always go on because kids are inquisitive and always looking for the next thing to explore.

But it’s our jobs as parents to teach our children from a very young age about the negative effects of drug taking. Rather than a ‘Never take drugs’ stance - more of a ‘can I show you this about what drugs do to you’

I know how prevalent it is. I’ve had two long term weed/drug takers in my family. That’s why I know it’s so important to give my kids the right information so they can make a real informed decision on it, rather than some kid passing them a spliff or a pill and they believing it’s ok.

Exactly.
Most teens are going to try it, at least , once.
You cannot control every aspect of their lives.
The kids of overly involved parents tend to struggle when they leave home for Uni or whatever. Not all but a lot do.

I think you would be massively blurring the lines by supplying it and allowing her to do it at home. There is a chance she will love it and then what are you going to do?

I would just try and steer her away from it, reinforce the bad parts - paranoia, lack of motivation, weight gain, laziness etc and tell her that she needs to wait until she's 18.

If she wants to sneak off and try it then there isn't much you can do to stop it, but you don't have to be complicit in it.

Look OP! I found a picture of you online.