My 15 year old wants to try weed

[Fingernail]

This is a ridiculous and hipocritical situation! My dad tells me everything and I should be happy that she is so honest and open. I knew this time would come, but assumed that she would sneak off and do it secretly. I suppose I thought it might NOT happen as her friendship group is mostly religious and culturally they just aren’t going to take any drugs or try alcohol. But dd is curious. She wants to do it at home with a friend! I don’t know whether to agree to this. I am also considering getting her the weed, so I can make sure that she doesn’t end up with something too strong.

This is a ridiculous situation. I’ve taken shed loads of drugs myself but I don’t know how to respond to this.( She doesn’t know I have taken ANY drugs...mostly she has assumed and I haven’t corrected her!) WWYD?

You cannot agree to this Fingernail and actually getting it for her is a ridiculous idea. You could end up in gaol with her being taken away from you if anyone found out! What about her friend's parents, would they go along with their child smoking weed?

Just say no, don't make a big deal out of it. She probably will try it at some stage and come to no harm but parents cannot condone anything that is illegal.

Like you, I smoked dope when young - not as young as you did. I am now seventy and fine. My son smoked it at 14 with a friend, I came home and could smell it. Confiscated it and pretended to flush it down the loo. Of course I didn't, I waited until he'd gone out and I smoked it. Double standards.

We can't risk losing our kids or getting a criminal record. At the moment the stupid law says weed is illegal, it may not always be so but for now err on the side of caution.

I’d let her try it.. if you are prepared for exacerbated mental health concerns. My brother started smoking it at a young age. Lost all his ambition and spent the next 20 years self harming and doing naff all. He watched friends die from drug overdoses and drug related crimes. I still firmly believe the smoking of cannabis contributed to his poor mental health. He quit when his son was born and Is like a different person.

Absolutely not!!! Wtf?

It’s better not to do it at all. At least not until she’s an adult. Either way, the problem with weed is that it seems to turn a lot of smokers into dicks, and lazy ones too. Plus it requires smoking. If you have a good enough relationship for her to ask you about it surely you have a good enough relationship to have an open discussion as to why your answer is no?

FWIW I’ve taken loads of drugs as a teen an young adult and I have zero issue with adults taking drugs but if my 15 year old came to me wanted to smoke weed I’d tell her absolutely no way that is happening and I’d explain about the paranoia and other negative health aspects. Yep that makes me a hypocrite but it’s my job to protect her not be a cool mum.

It’s no more a ‘gateway drug’ than alcohol. I’d RATHER she was trying weed and getting high, than getting drunk honestly. That’s not controversial surely?

Seriously, .my almost 15 year old is so.anti legal drugs that I almost have to justify a glass of wine

Weed is illegal and has so many negative side effects. You should be discouraged from these thoughts.

You’ll find yourself familiar with social services too.

Very funny

There's a huge difference between telling her no and supplying her with it. Do you have no maternal instinct? Y'know that thing that makes you want to protect your child and keep them away from bad things? Nah sure, skin up for her. You'll be doing her a massive favour. Flouting the law, gateway, send her right down the wrong path. Good luck op.

@gamerwidow I’m not trying to be ‘cool’. My preference is actually that she doesn’t take any drugs or alcohol ever. Second best scenario and more realistic, wait until she is older. But at her age I’m not sure she will follow an actual ban. So I’m considering it, so I can ensure that she is somewhere safe and not smoking anything really strong.

My cousin was a heavy weed user from age 15.

At 18 he had a total breakdown- schizophrenia was diagnosed. His doctors clearly made a link.

25 years later he has never worked or finished education.

You must realise that leaving home at 16 is a fairly unusual situation? Not unheard of obviously, but even a generation ago most 16 year olds were still at school or tech (as it was in the old days!) not living independently. I'm in my mid 40s and have worked in many places and had hundreds of colleagues from different backgrounds, wealthy and deprived, rural and city, highly educated and barely any qualifications, and I've never yet met one who left home at 16.

(Even if this did happen) What self respecting 15yr old wants to try weed with her mum in on it? Nothing like killing the buzz of teen rebellion having your mum in on the act 🙄

Explain how it is farmed and the children who are enslaved to service her “experiment” and if she still wants anything to do with it you have a bigger problem.

I don’t know whether to agree to this.

Eh? Your 15 year old wants to take drugs and you don't know whether to agree to it

No, to what? Doing it at home? I’m thinking it’s BETTER/safer to do it at home?

What if she really fucking likes it?

I hate the ‘it’s safer at home bullshit. And actually smoking the weed that’s on the streets now is really harmful.

I was raised on a council estate where so many young men and women smoked this every day. School kids smoking spliffs outside school

What if she starts tripping of it? How you gonna deal with that? How much of a responsible adult will you feel like then when your child is spewing up and has paranoia. What you gonna tell her friends parents if their daughter gets ill.

I’ve had two weed addicts in my family. One still is and is a fucking dosser the other has stopped smoking it after 30 years at first the withdrawals were really bad as he couldn’t cope with feeling straight but has pushed through it and is functioning like the proper dad he should have been instead of being stoned all day.

Not to mention serious depression.

Why the fuck would you introduce your child to this.

If you don’t understand the bad side to smoking weedhow the fuck are you going to convey to your daughter that’s it’s not a good idea?

Grow the fuck up

If you supply it you are effectively approving its use and would be hypocritical if you then said you were against her smoking it. It’s absolutely the wrong message to give her unless you truly believe that smoking weed wont possibly cause her developing brain any harm.

im Not convinced that she won’t do it, if I ‘tell her no’

I'm not convinced my 2 year old wont draw all over my walls given half the chance. I'm not going to ok it though.

I'm not convinced my 12 year old won't drink vodka even if i say no, should i just grab her a bottle next time I'm in Tesco

Seriously. I'm not convinced she won't do it anyway is absolutely not a reason to condone your child taking drugs

I'm in my mid 40s and have worked in many places and had hundreds of colleagues from different backgrounds, wealthy and deprived, rural and city, highly educated and barely any qualifications, and I've never yet met one who left home at 16.

I'm in my 50s and grew up in rural Yorkshire. Lots of my friends left home at 16 to access residential post 16 education. They were eligible for accommodation costs and courses were free. If you didn't want to do straight A levels this was the default choice.

It’s no more a ‘gateway drug’ than alcohol. I’d RATHER she was trying weed and getting high, than getting drunk honestly. That’s not controversial surely?

There's a huge difference in the supply chain. One of them is something that is perfectly legal to buy. Alcoholism definitely ruins lives, but only at the end of the chain with the users and their families. And that's not to be dismissed. But the drug trade chews people up from the growing of the crop to selling it. At every stage of the way, people get hurt, often physically.

Buying a bottle of cider off the lady at the shop is a bit different to meeting a mate of a mate in a dark corner somewhere.

It’s illegal.. that’s what you tell her. She cannot do it not because you’re the big bad wolf but because of laws she shouldn’t be doing it in the first place for a good reason.

Yes in an ideal world we’d all like kids to do everything we say and that won’t happen, But that doesn’t mean we say yes to the next best thing. There’s no saying smoking it at homes safer than anywhere else. A bad reactions a bad reaction, I was next to a 30 year old with hyper emesis brought on by a bit of weed on one of my hospital admissions... now obviously a 30 year old is usually responsible for their own actions so it’s their own fault and social services wouldn’t give a flying fuck.. but how do you think they’d take a 15 year old admitted with the same thing who’s mother/friends mother supplied the drugs? Would they believe it was “just once”.

Seriously it has to be a wind up.

You must realise that leaving home at 16 is a fairly unusual situation?

I can see that it is now. But as I said, all of my friends had left home by 18. We didn’t do a levels/university. All got jobs at 16 (many of us went back to education/training later).

I think this is where my confusion lies tbh. A year older than my daughter and I was totally independent of my parents. So, the idea that I can actually STOP her from trying this seems unrealistic. And my instinct is to create a safe situation for her to do it. I need to talk to her more and work out if she will try it regardless of what I say

I'm in my 50s and grew up in rural Yorkshire. Lots of my friends left home at 16 to access residential post 16 education. They were eligible for accommodation costs and courses were free.

Oh, I've never even heard of such a thing. It mustn't have existed where I'm from or I'm sure I'd know someone who'd have taken that route. I'd have been dying to do that at 16 if it had been an option because that sounds like it could have been fun.

I've just proved that you shouldn't base your idea of normal on your own experiences

You're cracked.

I tried pretty much everything bar heroin in my teens/ pre dd, and because they didn't have the same effect on me as peers, I took a vast quantity. I'm also a fairly permissive parent, but draw the line at supplying drugs or condoning underage use. It's one thing if they try them themselves, another to treat it like an alcopop at home. Especially as you refer to smoking it, and not too strong, which implies tobacco.

I'm a smoker, and I'd be more likely to supply my dc with ecstasy than nicotine.