My 15 year old wants to try weed

[Fingernail]

This is a ridiculous and hipocritical situation! My dad tells me everything and I should be happy that she is so honest and open. I knew this time would come, but assumed that she would sneak off and do it secretly. I suppose I thought it might NOT happen as her friendship group is mostly religious and culturally they just aren’t going to take any drugs or try alcohol. But dd is curious. She wants to do it at home with a friend! I don’t know whether to agree to this. I am also considering getting her the weed, so I can make sure that she doesn’t end up with something too strong.

This is a ridiculous situation. I’ve taken shed loads of drugs myself but I don’t know how to respond to this.( She doesn’t know I have taken ANY drugs...mostly she has assumed and I haven’t corrected her!) WWYD?

You are her parent not a drug dealer. Be a parent.

Yeah ive seen this 'harmless' home grown stuff going on. They target a mentally vunerable person and take over their house. When they get caught its them who goes to prison.

No chance.
Many many long term users started as children. Which is what your DD is - a child.
Grow a back bone ffs

Please don't.
I smell a rat with her friend apparently being allowed to smoke at home with older siblings; if that were really true, why aren't the girls trying to organise your DD's first smoke there? As kids are already smoking around their house anyway, like. All it would take, if what they say is true, is for you mums to chat on the phone and agree . I call clumsy teen "But my mum says it's OK, so..." Oldest trick in the book.

My DM always insisted she hadn't used drugs in her teens when I would quiz her as a curious adolescent (now I know she lied), and was also adamant it was none of my business, as well as irrelevant; no way was I going to get into drugs on her watch. She had an ethical zero tolerance policy, and spelled out exactly how shitty and ethically corrupt it is to support the kind of enterprises which arise along the supply chain of drugs, including those for recreational use; violence, extortion, intimidation, coercion, prostitution, trafficking etc. Despite thinking I knew better and as a result ending up in a lot of trouble very young, both with substances, the law and older predatory males, I really respect that my mum held such a firm line and wanted better for me, and didn't normalise recreational drug use through allowing me to draw any kinds of 'conclusions' about her past, the way your daughter may have been able to do about you. It's a shame that your DD knows, as, being a curious teen, she'll likely see it as fair game.
Recalibrate and put your foot down. Show some real solidarity with users who did not have such an easy ride, and leave well alone.

At her age it is literally mind altering, it is known to affect children's brain development. I'd explain this and say nope.

Op I can almost see where your coming from, wanting to keep your dd safe, away from dodgy dealers and weed that is way too strong.
I don't think you should do it though. Like a lot of posters have said, have an honest and straightforward conversation with her so she understands the good and bad sides of drugs.
I don't believe the "all drugs are evil and you will die if you try them" view that some parents tell their kids.
Most teens will come into contact with drugs. If you are honest and open they will be able to come to you and talk as your dd seems to be able to.
Some of the replies on here are batshit crazy though.

@NorfolkRattle

Am not really sure why you're posting, tbh, given that you have dismissed most of the advice offered and all of the info about consequences. Hoping that we'll all say "Fill your boots

This just isn’t true though is it? Throughout, I have agreed that I will NOT go through with this

I told my 15 year about this thread, the response was 'oh my god, is she alright?'

@fjreflycaramel yes, I imagine we move in different circles. And yes, I am sure you and your dd are far superior to me and mine, in every way. Congratulations

Not rtft and my stance is very specific so maybe not relevant generally, but currently watching dp go through sever cannabis withdrawal syndrom (resulted in month long illness, still going on, multiple a and e visits, 3 night hospital admission) his mum gave him some to try when he was 14. 1tl5 years later its most definitely had its toll on him.

So you are VVVV U

15 is too young.

I smoked cannabis from around that age into my 20’. I would not be happy with my young daughter following my example and wouldn’t facilitate this. Her brain is still developing and in my experience it did lead to me experimenting with other drugs at a young age too. For me it was a motivation killer, I stopped caring about school work, exams, etc and after some time I began to feel paranoid/panicky even when I wasn’t smoking. I am now a mental health care professional and I see more issues with cannabis and psychosis that any other drug. If there is an underlying vulnerability cannabis, and other drugs of course can cause untold problems. It’s like playing Russian roulette with your brain. You just can’t predict the long term effects if you have that vulnerability. I say that as a past user.

I do think you are right to keep the lines of communication open and let your daughter know that whatever she does you will always support her.

I work in substance misuse. Accepting that your daughter might try substances is one thing, you can talk to her in a balanced way about the risk etc. I would not advocate you allow the use of substances in your home. At all. It sends completely the wrong message to your daughter, especially as you really don't seem to understand the risks in question. Drugs and their potency have changed considerably since you were younger. The harm reduction advice that applied then, is very different to know, for a multitude of reasons.

Please be aware that whilst for the majority of young people, smoking weed may be a harmless right of passage, it isn't for all. The evidence tells us that the younger people are exposed to cannabis, the more likely they are to experience a psychotic illness in their lifetime. Ive nursed young people with cannabis induced psychosis who's lives will never go back to normal. I promise you, it's not something you want for your daughter

So be open, don't be hysterical (and it sounds like you won't be), but don't facilitate this under your own roof.

Thank you @Restlessinthenorth and @Graceymac99

Your daughter tells you everything, really?
I hope that’s not the case because at this stage she should be confidently separating from the parent and developing her own identity.
Asking your parent to buy you weed is just plain stupid,imo.

Your daughter tells you everything, really?
I hope that’s not the case because at this stage she should be confidently separating from the parent and developing her own identity

Good lawrd!

We’ve already established that I’m an entirely shit parent/human being, haven’t we

Well it sounds like you are over involved in her life.
If she wants to smoke she should just do it ...away from home like the majority of teens do.

If she wants to smoke she should just do it ...away from home like the majority of teens do

Now, THIS is shit parenting

I have 3 daughters, younger than yours and I hope they do keep talking to me like your daughter has. You obviously have a good relationship and that is a great achievement with a teenager.

@Graceymac thank you

It's actually 'over parenting '.
Teens are young adults and they need to make decisions and develop away from the parents' opinion.
The ground work is done when they are babies and children.
Of course you should always be available for them.
But letting them 'go' is an important part of parenting.
Teens over confiding in the parent shows a lack of confidence and immaturity.

Just to make you feel a bit better I actually understand where you're coming from.

I think it depends on the child in a way. I wouldn't say in your own home, because then the boundaries can be pushed even further, and I do think 15 is too young.

BUT I was smoking weed, very strong weed, at 15. I got over it when I was about 18 i just got bored of it. We would sit around in parks, meet weird dealers.

I'm not saying let her smoke in your house, I'm just saying I understand the thought process. Well done for having a good enough relationship with your daughter that she will come to you with these things. The whole "weed is evil" speech doesn't work, its 2020. I assure you most of the kids who have been taught that still smoke etc, they just learn to hide it better.

I would rather they over confide where drugs are concerned than secretly take them. I agree not all situations need to be discussed/shared in advance and kids need to develop confidence in using their own judgement. This is not at all something I would advocate here, particularly if the child is leaning towards experimenting with drugs at this age. My own judgement was totally scewed when I was 15.

Parenting teens courses are available, ask at her school.
They are run by the Council.
Or talk to a Young Peoples' Worker for advice.
Remember,most people on Mumsnet give advice based on their own experiences or/and parenting styles. And a lot of them are over invested in their children's' lives.
Seeking professional advice is your best bet.