Would you say this is unacceptable or is it just a child being a child?

[BringOnTheBotox]

I went to a friends house for a quick coffee yesterday afternoon after the school run.

Her 8 year old DD was there. She has often been a bit rude/cheeky to me but I've never taken much notice. She is quite spoilt as she has four older brothers. Yesterday however she was, I feel, incredibly rude to me and I don't think I'll be going to my friends house again.

Firstly, when I arrived my friend asked me if I wanted a coffee. I said 'yes please' and my friend told me to sit down at her kitchen table, and we were chatting. Her DD then walked right up to me, pointed in my face and said 'LAZY! Don't just sit there! Help her make coffee!'. I didn't say anything and my friend just laughed it off.

Then, as we were chatting, her daughter kept giggling and coming up and whispering in her ear. My friend listened each time rather than telling her it was rude to whisper, and kept giggling. After about the third time the mum tickled her when she'd whispered and said to her jokingly 'No, you're the witch', and the girl then pointed at me and said 'No, SHE'S the ugly witch'. My friend once again just laughed but it was clear that her DD's whispers to her had been insults about me.

I didn't say anything but after a couple of minutes I said I had a few things to do so had to get going, and left. I don't plan on going round there again.

Am I being too sensitive or was it unacceptable behaviour from an NT 8 year old?

They were both rude.

That's absolutely horrific. YANBU, she is doing her child no favours. Usually I'd say let it go when it comes to other people's kids' behaviour but on this occasion I'd call it out.

Unacceptable. Her mum should have pulled her up on it. Awful. Sorry.

Her mother should be correcting her rude behaviour, it’s bratty and inappropriate. Giggling and whispering with her shows it’s her mother’s fault.

I’m not surprised you don’t want to go back.

They were both being rude and I would have told them so.
At 8 years old I would expect at least basic manners to be shown and the mother showing her.
I don't even want to think what my mother would have said to me at such a lack of manners and respect at any age, let alone as a child.

Awful. Don't go around again. What a little madam ( and the child is bad too)

Your friend is creating a little monster. I wouldn't stick around to find out how hideous she becomes.

She won't be finding it so hilarious when she's bringing trouble to the door in a few years down the line, because. That's where she's heading if she doesn't start teaching her little darling a thing or 2 about manners appropriate behaviour and respect.

Thanks everyone! I'm glad I'm not being over sensitive.

I was round there another time and a mutual friend was there with her three year old DD. Friend's DD was absolutely horrible to the 3 year old; everything the younger girl touched the 8 year old would shout 'MINE' and snatch it away. She wouldn't even let her mum offer the 3 year old a biscuit.

That’s ridiculous. She’s obviously the spoilt youngest child. That is so far beyond what is acceptable. And I have an 8 year old. I would be horrified if he spoke to another adult like this.

Rude as fuck. The mother needs to learn to parent.

As op said she has created a monster. Unfair on badly parented child she won’t have an easy path behaving like that

Pp

Could the child maybe not be neuro typical? I'd not assume she was naughty or just being a kid, but that potentially she didn't understand norms of behaviour.

Jesus

I'd be mortified if my 4 year old behaved like this!

Agree with @Bluntness100 - my DS is not NT and has SEN. He is also adopted. He quite often is rude to people and I want the ground to swallow me up. We are constantly working on it - including lots of therapy. It has made me see things in a totally different light - and if that happened to me, I would wonder if the girl was not NT.

Even if the girl did not understand social norms, the parent really needs to help her understand, not collude in the rudeness.

I'd have been out there like a shot

It doesn’t sound like a house I’d want to go to again. For people saying perhaps she’s not NT then the mum is still allowing/encouraging this behaviour which surely isn’t helpful to anyone.

My kids arnt NT they still get told not to be rude

That's awful behaviour - and the child wasn't much better.

I fully see where the potentially not NT argument is coming from, but the issue is the mothers encouraging behaviour as NT or not the mother should not be encouraging and enabling such negative behaviour. This wasnt the behaviour of a mother who was mortified or apologetic as there childs rude behaviour, this was a mother encouraging it, so it's more then likely to be absolutely inappropriate learnt behaviour.

If the child was not NT the mother would have apologised and still said something to her not giggled along. The mother and child both behaved very badly.

I would tell your friend how rude her daughter is and how you feel your friend is reinforcing that rudeness by not addressing it, and that is the reason why you will not be going to her house again.
You don’t need these people in your life.