Would you say this is unacceptable or is it just a child being a child?

[BringOnTheBotox]

I went to a friends house for a quick coffee yesterday afternoon after the school run.

Her 8 year old DD was there. She has often been a bit rude/cheeky to me but I've never taken much notice. She is quite spoilt as she has four older brothers. Yesterday however she was, I feel, incredibly rude to me and I don't think I'll be going to my friends house again.

Firstly, when I arrived my friend asked me if I wanted a coffee. I said 'yes please' and my friend told me to sit down at her kitchen table, and we were chatting. Her DD then walked right up to me, pointed in my face and said 'LAZY! Don't just sit there! Help her make coffee!'. I didn't say anything and my friend just laughed it off.

Then, as we were chatting, her daughter kept giggling and coming up and whispering in her ear. My friend listened each time rather than telling her it was rude to whisper, and kept giggling. After about the third time the mum tickled her when she'd whispered and said to her jokingly 'No, you're the witch', and the girl then pointed at me and said 'No, SHE'S the ugly witch'. My friend once again just laughed but it was clear that her DD's whispers to her had been insults about me.

I didn't say anything but after a couple of minutes I said I had a few things to do so had to get going, and left. I don't plan on going round there again.

Am I being too sensitive or was it unacceptable behaviour from an NT 8 year old?

YANBU

My nearly 4 yr old whispers in my ear, " are they going soon?" But even she knows it's rude to say it aloud in front of guests.

I would have had to say I’m going to have to go now because you are very rude and nasty.
Ending the friendship wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Rude. If my daughter is rude I'll say "I beg your pardon?" and stop dead. "What did you say?" At that point she knows. "Is that how we talk to each other?" "Id like you to go and have 5 minutes on your own to think about using your words kindly."

I encountered a 5 year old tell me I needed to leave now whilst dropping my daughter to a party. I find many kids far, far bolder in what they say to adults these days. And parents who think it's acceptable.

Wow. How insulting to children and parents with SEN to suggest that anyone who is rude may have SEN. You see it time and time again on here.

I know a few SEN children and yes sometimes some of them may say things that may be seen as rude but their parents deal with it there and then, they know that they have to work harder at guiding their children on what is and isn’t acceptable.

Op, I would not go back to the house and would distance myself from the ‘friend’

There's no getting away from the fact, it was rude. Very rude and yes, it sounds like your friend is fueling the fire.

However, I do know of several girls with older brothers, who behave in a similar way. One girl was a borderline bully actually, but then I saw her around her brothers and you could see the dynamics were making her insecure and unnecessarily defensive and she would act up and be dominant. I think she felt she needed to make her mark.

I'm not saying there are any excuses and your friend really needs to stamp it out, but I do wonder if there's an element of the above going on.

Wow. How insulting to children and parents with SEN to suggest that anyone who is rude may have SEN. You see it time and time again on here.

Well SEN covers a pretty wide spectrum. Nobody says that all children with SEN are rude or that all rude children have SEN, just that some children struggle socially and may not understand they're being rude if they have SEN.

Ugh. I wouldn’t go again and I’d tell your friend why. Horrible pair.

I think this is completely and utterly unaccepatable behaviour from both DM and DD TBH! Sounds like DD is jealous of her Mum and doesnt want to share her at all! I would not go round again .There is nothing better than being with lovely children sometimes cheeky all OK.This is a different level of rudeness IMO!

Agree @ThanosSavedMe

Ds4 can be pretty clueless about social norms and can often come across as a bit rude. I will always say something to him about it though . He will never learn if i was to ignore it or giggle along like this mother does. The child will end up friendless if that carries on

Definitely not being too sensitive, very rude the pair of them. And 8 is definitely old enough to know better.

For the posters saying it might be SEN, I would say probably not ASD as the whispering together and looking implies joint attention which ASD kids lack.

My kids (both with ASD) used to say things which might have been construed as rude when they were younger out of a lack of social understanding, but they were firmly told that name calling wasn't on, and when we have a guest you try your best to make them comfortable.

They wouldn't have said the things this girl said. At that age though, I would blame your friend rather than the daughter, she needs to learn how to have boundaries.

Wont that little madam get her cumuppance when she goes to Secondary School

I think the difference is @Hels20, is that you would have probably told him right there that what he was saying was inappropriate. And not giggled along with him.

My dd is SN and I wouldn't allow that behavior to go unchallenged.

I have plenty of friends with children who don't understand social norms, and they have spoken to me in a way that many would find inappropriate, whoever, they were not let off the hook and were spoken to. They apologized and I accepted their apology, because I understand it a learning curve for them.

@
GiveHerHellFromUs I also wondered if the child was not NT and the mother didn't tell her off as she wanted to avoid a tantrum in front of a guest. Then mum needs to apologize to said guest and explain.

And 8 is definitely old enough to know better.

Not if nobody has told her it's wrong and is being actively encouraged.

@differentnameforthis oh I absolutely agree. There's no excuse for the friends behaviour even if we can excuse the child's.

@PleaseNoFortnite I would say probably not ASD as the whispering together and looking implies joint attention which ASD kids lack.

some asd kids, not all.

@GiveHerHellFromUs

I would have finished my coffee and then politely left saying you don't appreciate being spoken to rudely.

What a pair of cunts. I would have said something there and then.

Wow that is impressively bad behavior. You would have to try very hard to bring up your child to be so rude. I wouldn't set foot in that house every again or bother with your so called friend.

Both incredibly rude. I wouldn’t go again.

hugely rude.
I wouldn't bother with them again. Ever.

@differentnameforthis - joint attention is one of the main things that the CHAT test looks for, but I appreciate that that's for toddlers and some ASD kids (particularly girls) may learn how to do this as they get older.

Extremely rude behaviour from both of them.