DS punched someone in school today.

[AlaskaElfForGin]

I'm mad with him, of course I am.

BUT his form tutor told me that it happened in reaction to a boy in his year telling everyone that I've just had a mastectomy (I have) and taking the piss out of DS because of it. Asking how he felt now that his 'mum is actually a man'. Apparently it had been going on last week and continued today so DS lost his temper.

DS is never in trouble - he hasn't had one behaviour point since the start of the school year and only had one last year for forgetting his PE kid.

I've been called in to speak to his form teacher, for the first time ever. What are they likely to do? I understand that there will be sanctions, I totally get that and he should never have hit this boy, but I can see how it happened.

Team DS. I hope he broke his nose.

Insist the school contact the other parents and tell them why your son punched him. Insist. It can be done.

Lashing out in anger is a result of not having developed the emotional maturity to control your temper.

That's because he's a child in the throes of puberty without full 'emotional maturity'. That's practically the dictionary definition of being a teenager.

That's because he's a child in the throes of puberty without full 'emotional maturity'.

Absolutely- and it’s parents job to help him develop the skills to mature beyond this. Which is why I gave the advice I did. Although OP sounds like she has her head pretty screwed on anyway and has probably already said as much herself.

I'm sorry that your DS was being bullied to the point that he felt the need to lash out, however the bully TOTALLY deserved what he got (I'm sure the teachers will probably agree but obviously could never say so )

We don’t just shrug and say “teenagers- what can you do?” We help them change damaging or dangerous behaviours. That’s our job as a parent.

If I was dealing with this, I'd be very sympathetic to your DS, and the bully would be punished. However, I would also have to give your DS a punishment as he did thump someone. Officially, whatever the provocation, we have to say that is wrong. On the quiet I would tell him I completely understood and, as it is out of character, the punishment would be mild.

Team ds. And if there other boy was my son I would be both very ashamed of him and would also tell him he got what he deserved. What horrible behaviour. Op I would be worried that you son is being bullied more widely as this is a very low shot.

I would ask to meet the boy and his family and make sure they know what their horrible child has been saying for over a week!
What kind of creature does that!

Poor DS. Hope you are recovering well, sounds like you are dealing well with it. Hope school steps up

I was bullied by one girl through the first 3/4 years of secondary school. During that time my mum also had treatment for breast cancer and the bully found out and did something similar to what has happened to your son.

Of all the things she did and said to me the taunts and jibes about my mum having cancer hurt the most.

I will never forget how it made me feel.

I'm 38 years old and to this day I still hate that bully. I know that's a strong word and she is the only person who will probably ever illicit that emotion from me.

I occasionally see her in the street and she makes me shake with rage.

I couldn't bring myself to say out loud the things I wish on her, and I know that's truly awful.

I wish I had stood up to my bully like your son did. Well done that young man

Your son has been through enough. He should not be punished. Bully's need putting in their place and I would have done the same.

We don’t just shrug and say “teenagers- what can you do?” We help them change damaging or dangerous behaviours. That’s our job as a parent.

I didn't say we did. But it's understandable that sometimes teenagers may lash out when very upset without stopping to think about it first. I'm sure you'll have done the same when you were growing up. MN is full of threads about it.

Of course it’s understandable. You won’t see me having said it isn’t.

I think your son did the right thing.

Your poor DS. I would insist the bully’s parents are made aware of what their child was saying. I’m gobsmacked at the cruelty. Wishing you and your DS well.

I don't agree with you. If it was my DS I would not tell him off.
I think he did the right thing this boy is bullying him and being very nasty. Why should he be allowed to get away with it.
Good for your son. Maybe this vile boy might think twice about being nasty to him again. X I hate bullying

Hope you're okay and sending hugs.

I certainly wouldn't punish him

I'd probably accept whatever the school handed out (depending on how it affected his academics).

Then I'd say "What are you doing about this serious harrassment and bullying?" And I wouldn't back down.

I'll tell you which kid I'd prefer to have - a well behaved 15 year old who finally lashed out at a piece of shit jeering at his mother's cancer. Not the piece of shit - someone needs to sort him out before he goes out into life thinking you can behave like this. The school should be way more concerned about the other kid. As my dad used to say "if you stick your bottom out far enough, someone will kick it"

Regardless of feeling it was appropriate. He should be punished by school because he lost his temper and assaulted someone.
I would leave it to them to follow their own school policy which works both ways.

Whilst he was standing up for you, he made the wrong choice and reacted to the boys comments with violence.

Why not ask him what punishment he thinks would be appropriate before you attend school. Often children are far harsher on their own punishments that what they will actually receive.

Absolutely- and it’s parents job to help him develop the skills to mature beyond this.

@WireBrushAndDettolMaam We parent as best we can and to be fair I think we've done a bloody good job. He's barely put a toe wrong before today so I can forgive him for not getting it right every single time. I don't, I don't think any one of us does. This time 6 months ago he didn't know if I would still be around and it's been really really tough for him. Ths other lad laughing and goading him about my surgery was just a step too far for him and I suspect many of us would have reacted much quicker than he did.

As I said a few times, I know he shouldn't have done it but he's not some immature lad going around whacking everyone who says something he doesn't like. I am very proud of the person he is and this incident doesn't change that.

OP please don’t think I was in any way criticising your son! Like I said I have been in your shoes. I was just giving advice on how to talk with him based on what i said to my own son. Someone took offence at what I said so my later posts were just defending myself- absolutely no reflection on your son. You don’t need to explain, I know exactly the situation and did say in my first post it would be hard for anyone to walk away from what was said to your son. His reaction was totally understandable. My advice was in no way a criticism. I do see how it could come across that way though.

I'm team Ds too, well done mini AlaskaElf. You stood up to a bully.

Thanks @WireBrushAndDettolMaam, I appreciate your post. I'm probably a bit oversensitive about DS at the moment.

He shouldn’t be punished for losing his temper. He was put under intolerable pressure.

My son retaliated to bullying in a way he shouldn’t due to pressure. He didn’t receive a consequence.

OP - tell him what you said in your post of 22:50. He sounds like a wonderful boy who was pushed too far and snapped.

for him and for you and the treatment you’ve gone through. I wish you and your DS the best for the meeting and I hope the school are sympathetic towards him.