Daughter has spoiled Christmas evening and I don't know where to go from here

[anothernamejeeves]

She's 15 and is just beyond spoilt and nasty. I run around after her like mad and try and make Christmas a happy time for her and my other two.
She was sat in the living room playing a video really loud. I told her I wanted to sit and watch tv in peace and asked her to either put headphones in or go upstairs. She gave me a complete gobful saying I always spoil Christmas and called me a slag
I really don't know where to go from here I'm utterly appalled

As adults should our kids be able to dictate the whole day and evening?

No, but we shouldn't be able to dictate theirs either. It's a home a family shares and not a dictatorship where parents rule the roost.

A dictatorship? Asking a teenager to have some consideration when somebody is trying to watch something?

So how are you going to punish her?

@halocompanach

The tv isn’t mobile though. The daughter could still continue doing what she likes in any other room in the house, or with headphones. The parents however, can’t do the same if they have just one tv.

It’s just basic consideration for people living together (Adults or children) to not hog the tv room for an activity that can be done anywhere.

It's a home a family shares and not a dictatorship where parents rule the roost

Plus don't you actually want to watch TV together on Christmas Day? It's a frigging miracle if you can get a 15 year old to sit down with you and enjoy some crap TV together. It's a real pity to miss the opportunity.

It's not a crime for adults (who do all the work at Christmas) to want to sit and watch TV for an hour without music blaring - not everything has to be centred around children or be family time. Parents are allowed to please themselves occasionally!
If my DD called me a slag I'd be looking at where that had come from because kids don't usually go to that level of behaviour out of nowhere and there would be consequences, be that no phone or being grounded. Whatever works.

We only have one tv, in the living room. So watching the tv in the living room trumps anyone else watching something on a device in there. Because a device can be watched in any other room in the house.

I ask my dc to put headphones on if I want to watch the tv. Or they can watch what I put on. Or they can take their devices into another room.

It was not an unreasonable request OP.

She didn't want to watch the tv. She wanted to sit in the living room watching her phone on full volume. No compromise

15 year old girls can be so cruel to their mums
it does come out of nowhere.
they change
just like that
sometimes it comes and goes again their rage and rudeness but you do have to keep a good boundary
OP you are not wrong
she should respect you

Mine was hell at fifteen and sometimes other times but 15 was def the worst.

It was not an unreasonable request OP.

Yeah, I think anyone suggesting otherwise is doing a windup.

Take all screens away. My 15 year old would never speak to me (or anyone!) like that. She needs to be taught how to treat other people.

I am shocked with some of the replies.

Op, you were being reasonable and she was lack of respect.

Good luck with your trouble teen!

When I lived at home parents pulled rank as far as the tv was concerned in the evening,we've done the same tonight as ds 5 has a shit ton of presents to keep him occupied.

Totally unacceptable, OP.

However, as the mother of a teenage son who I had a terrible trouble with, I have to agree that our children do not just start acting like this out of the blue...

Where you go from here is by taking control of the situation, as the parent, and letting your daughter know how unacceptable her behaviour was and the speak about the way forward from now on, if this is part of a pattern of behaviour.

Curious to know what your DHs reaction was to this scene. Is he your DDs father?

Mumsnet is crazy. Take her phone, computer etc and ground her. If can't speak to people like that.

Where on earth does slash come from? I have a 15 yr old dd who is hormonal and quick to anger/vent her frustration and deliberately winds her brother up if she's annoyed. However, she put out the breakfast, set the table for lunch, engaged elderly relatives in conversation,played silly games with us and bought us thoughtful presents.
She has, on occasion, muttered idiot at me (not today) and I have told her how sad and upset that makes me feel, it usually happens when she's tired and her friends have pissed her off, so I get the flack. I have repeatedly told her not to take that crap out on me and she is getting better..doing it less and apologising more.
There must be more going on..why do you spoil her? Are you making up for something negative? Or making up for your childhood experiences?
If you had a nice day up to then, then try and not to feel too crap. Use those open statements and tell her how it's made you feel.
I punish my kids by endlessly talking at them. You've got some time over Christmas to start dorting stuff out.

*slag

You are not unreasonable in the slightest, and some of the responses excusing this is why some kids get away with bad behaviour
It was not an unreasonable request, and you can watch what you like on the tv you pay for!!
It may be xmas doesn’t mean kids get everything their way
I’d be taking the phone and any ipad/tablet from her.
Xmas or not that is not acceptable behaviour.

Wow

OP I do not think you were being unreasonable at all. Some of the replies here have opened my eyes to how todays young people act the way they do :(

I don’t have teens. I do remember being a teen. And the confusion of sometimes feeling like a frustrated adult, sometimes like a child. You are giving her an awful lot of power by saying she has ruined your Christmas. She has behaved badly and her behaviour should be challenged, but not treated as though it is catastrophic. She needs the adults around her to hold and contain her. This is not saying her behaviour is ok, or that name calling is ok.

Would love to know how many of these replies are from people who actually have teens. In my head I sometimes think I'll be an amazing mother of teens - and then I remembered what an amazing mother of babies I thought I'd be, until I actually had one...

Yes, teens who could be selfish and inconsiderate and needed to be told off several times for noisy phones in communal areas. Today there was a bit of a stand off over Mario Carts being played on the TV with the Nintendo switch.

If either had called me a slag there would have been consequences. A massive telling off at the time and then electronics and wi-fi removed for a period of time.

Your title @anothernamejeeves also says, "and I don't know where to go from here".

In order for anyone to really give you advice on that, you'd need to give more info. Is this behaviour a one-off? Or is this something that has been building?

I am sorry you are so upset OP your DD has been very disrespectful to you. Unfortunately teens have form for this. I think you and your DH should go to bed and watch whatever you want in the peace of your bedroom and leave her alone in disgrace , downstairs on Christmas night. She does sound a spoilt child, l think you do need to put your foot down with her or she will be doing far worse in a couple of years.

I punish my kids by endlessly talking at them

@defineme A cruel and unusual punishment I shall add it to my list for future consideration.

What did you DH do?