Daughter has spoiled Christmas evening and I don't know where to go from here

[anothernamejeeves]

She's 15 and is just beyond spoilt and nasty. I run around after her like mad and try and make Christmas a happy time for her and my other two.
She was sat in the living room playing a video really loud. I told her I wanted to sit and watch tv in peace and asked her to either put headphones in or go upstairs. She gave me a complete gobful saying I always spoil Christmas and called me a slag
I really don't know where to go from here I'm utterly appalled

Why on earth shouldn’t she get sympathy? She was struggling, asking for support and felt crap.

@gingersausage, you have been superior and patronising. Each child is different; to say you are better at it is not to really understand the dynamics. Empathy and support needed not superiority and self congratulation.

@Aramox I have no idea. That's no help to anyone, sorry, but I think they just grew out of it. There were tears (mostly mine) and extreme frustration (on both sides), but I think leaving school, going on to Sixth Form and getting a part time job was probably the making of my rebellious, confrontational teen.

They realised that the world is a very big place that did not revolve around them, or even consider their feelings, which I think made home start to look more appealing!

I’d love to know the best way to handle such outbursts as meeting it head on makes it worse ime but ignoring it doesn’t sit well either. 🤷‍♀️

Just because the op swears on an online forum doesn't mean she's at home swearing her head off and setting a bad example. Some people have just been assholes to her for no reason so I'm not surprised she's fed up.

Sometimes I wonder how some adults get through life being self centred douches, but then read threads like this with people defending a 15 year calling their mum a slag because they had to show consideration for others, and it becomes apparent how indulged some people were.

Some of these replies are crazy! @anothernamejeeves if one of my teens called me a slag I’d be furious and I can’t believe people on these thread are having a go at you for wanting to watch a tv programme -shock horror parent wants to do something that doesn’t revolve around their child!!

The op has basically told her dd to leave the room or be quiet so she can watch something on tv. I think that's pretty awful on xmas day to be honest.

This comment is batshit! Awful? For wanting to watch a programme?! It’s not even like dd was watching the tv already.

I bet a lot of posters on this thread have got younger dc. It is different with teenagers. It’s not all family games and family tv. It’s often Xbox, friends, girlfriends and phones! We had some family time of Christmas Day but my older dc wanted to do their own thing too.

You days she wouldn't hand over her phone.

I had a teen who refused to get off their phone. I went into the router and changed the WiFi password, and excluded him for a week until he was sorry. That may be a useful tip.

How did he do homework?Most of ours X 3 dc is online. We’d have to relog into all our phones, printers, back up devices....

Just switching off WiFi isn’t an easy repeatable strategy. I’m also not sure with teens and their own data packages how effective it would be.

Yes, almost everyone has data these days, turning off the wi fi does nothing to stop them going on their phones.

Cancel the contract. If a child is totally refusing to do as requested and being vile, they need to know there will be consequences and that you, as the adult, can choose whether privileges such as phones are continued. Needing a phone for homework is an easy excuse, but rarely true I imagine.

Um WiFi really is necessary for my dc for homework and gcse revision. All the revision work is posted online by teachers, ditto copies of the £30 a go text books used and the maths websites. They’d be screwed without it. They work and pay their own contracts such as they are.

I have complained to school re them saying teens need less screen time alongside making it necessary for schoolwork. It was met with a shrug and times are changing.

The OP is still getting head-pats and sympathy. Says it all really 🙄.

Is she getting 'head pats'? Or just a little bit of understanding for someone who is really down and dealing with a difficult situation? I might not particularly agree with how the OP handled the situation (I've not had to deal with it myself, so not sure what I would do), but kicking someone when they're very clearly down is pretty low. Again, showing a lack of empathy.

I doubt very much, that you have the ability to consider a situation other than your own @gingersausage. As you say, says it all really.

@gingersausage is getting a hard time here but I agree with everything she's said, op seems to have posted to vent though rather than get advice

The only person getting patted on the back here is you, @gingersausage and you are doing it to yourself.

Where’s your understanding for a parent going through a bad time? Do you think it’s kind or helpful to tell the OP that you never had issues like this because you are a star mother?

And where’s your own humility? You come across very proud of yourself. Might as well add “all that and I look amazing in a bikini, too!”

@LisaSimpsonsbff
"would love to know how many on here have teens"
I was wondering this exact thing. Some teens are easy some just not. When you are a parent of young children you can remember maybe being unhappy rebellious and so misunderstood. And your young sweet children would never swear at you because you will be better than that?
Remember thought of those before having a baby criticising other s "I will never do that"
Please dont judge unless you have faced and angry unhappy teenager who hates you

@NoMorePoliticsPlease

I’m wondering how many that are criticizing the OP have actually even met teens.

I’ll say this again for the hard-of-reading. I’ve had teens. My daughter wasn’t particularly easy to say the least.

I totally agree with the OP that a teenager doesn’t get to decide what is on the telly or dictate what the whole household does. I had absolutely no argument with the OP’s initial points.

What I actually said (to @Notenoughbookshelves, not to the OP) was that I am fucking sick of the attitude on here that anyone who gives parenting advice is automatically “perfect”or “smug”. Don’t want advice? Don’t ask for it. When I said “maybe we’re better than you”, I meant the people you are calling smug. Maybe meaning possibly, not definitely. We, plural generic, not me personally.

I haven’t personally insulted anyone so I don’t know why I’m suddenly a target for free-for-all bitching.

The problem is not giving advice!
It’s you comparing yourself the OP.

That’s always going to come across poorly and end up with others criticizing you. You’re basically kicking the poor woman while she’s down, using your own supposed perfect outcomes as a bludgeon.

Meanwhile, you’ve also judged her parenting and also her posts then now lost your own temper. On the Internet! Please then have some compassion for her. Her situation with her daughter is real-life, not an internet thing she can just stop reading.

Look at ops other posts she has not problem with being very direct and not worrying about the impacts of her words.

Perhaps this make her think twice

@Scarsthelot wtf??

You tell people straight and arent always kind about it.

If this thread has upset you, maybe think about what you wrote to other people and how it makes them feel.

You have refused to give any info or answer questions, so people can try and help, then got shitty. Then said its upsetting you.

@Scarsthelot I've no idea what grudge you are carrying over from another thread but it's not relevant here

And I never said the thread was upsetting me. I said I'd never felt so low. Regarding my DD behaviour. So I don't know what you are rambling about 'wahhh you said this on a thread'

Not carrying any grudge.

I am just pointing out the hypocrisy.